Why Parents Drink
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had missed work and not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello ?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered,"No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered,"No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,"Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child,"a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "They just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they looking for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle . . . . .
"ME."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say,
'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:"Take only ONE. God is
watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples.
Cool Guy !!!!!
Worse things in life
---------------------
Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that
was addressed to "Mom" With the worst premonition she opened the
envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Mom:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad
and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much
older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having
many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the
other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we
will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.
She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you
can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son Jon
P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
Cool Guy !!!!!
hehehehe ... a good one.... made me remember my younger brother when he was about 5 years old. He was playing hide and seek with neighbors and our cousins next door and at lunch time nobody could find him. We frantically looked for him and knocked on every neighbor's house. Our mom found him in our bedroom cabinet asleep on top of our clothes.
I know..had me laughing also..have a son that would do things like this...luckily he's now 22...hiding places are too small for him now!!
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. --Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
nyahahahahaha lol, nice one scarlett, have read this on laughters the best medicine of RD and it never fails to bring a smile whenever i read it hahahaha