Edifis was seated on an airplane when he suddenly sneezed, "Aaaaatchooooooooo! Ooooooh oh yeah.". Took out his todger , wiped it and went back to reading his comic.
The woman sat next to him asked if he was okay. He replied, "I'm wonderful, never felt better."
A short while later he sneezed again, "Aaaaatchoooo! Oh my god! oh yeah!". Took out his todger. Wiped it clean and went to sleep.
Again the lady enquired if he was okay. He replied, "Ooooh wonderful, never felt better."
A few minutes later he does it again, "Aaaatchooooooooooo! Oh uh uh oh yeah oh god yeah!"
The lady by this time was a bit concerned, he enquired again, "are you okay? What's with all the moaning? and the todger cleaning"
Edifis replied, "I have a medical condition, every time I sneeze, I orgasm."
"Wow!", replied the lady, "Are you taking anything for it?"
Yes I like a little black pepper with it too. And some black cumin seeds...salad oil and leave it on the sunny beach inside a petri dish for a nice tan and then have it!
:-( so a cote de azure is not yellow with red spots then? lol
Thanks for your advice Brit on the other matter:-0
Dear Brit:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my makeup.
I am 46, my husband is 50 and we have been married for twenty years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make-up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Cabbage
Reply from Brit
Dear Cabbage:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber. I hope this helps.
Brit
Thanks Brit, the car working well now but can't find my new shoes :-/
Polkadots goes into a department store and asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?"
The shopkeeper looks at her and says, "Are you serious? We have cuckoo clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, alarm clocks... what the hell is a potato clock?"
Polkadots says, "I don't know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and the man said 'You'd better get a potato clock.'"
injured, joe cole starts though. Just watched Kenny's pre-match interview, the man has great dignity and respect for all things football, he has been missed.
and his business partner decide to open a bra shop in Cardiff, they are are just finishing off putting all the shelves and hangers in the empty shop and will put the stock in the next day, where the outside has already had the signs finished to say 'Bra's are us'.
Two elderly Welshmen walk past and see the two guys working hard but fail to see the sign of the shop and pop their head in,
'so what are you selling here then boys?' says one of the Welshmen, Brit expat doesnt really like the welsh and decides to be a bit of a show off in front of his business partner and says 'tits grandad,tits, what the f**k do you think we are going to be selling, did you not see the sign?' the old man nods his head thinks for a moment and says 'if its tits your selling boys you must have had a busy day as there is only two of you left!' :0)
last week in one of the bars when he approached two rather big ladies and said 'I know that accent, you two are from Scotland arent you?' to which one replied 'Wales you f**king idiot' brit replied 'ok, you two whales are from Scotland arent you?'
WK was explaining britey how he enjoyed having phone sex to which britey got all excited and started to get all things ready i.e. pack of condoms, scented candle etc. and started to have sex with phone....:(
The next day he was hospitalized coz his little britey was stuck in the tiny holes of the phone receiver ...:(
Rudolph, who is admittedly good at knawing on branches, is probably not that good at flying. Hence your planned trip to the local cliff edge, is probably not in his best interests. You're as transparent as a blast of canned air - try to be more complex by wearing hats that are clearly too small for your head.
Taurus
20 April - 20 May
Gift horses always happen to those who least expect it. The moral of this horoscope is: expect a gift horse. If you feel happy today, try to create something that reflects that happiness. The end is more like the beginning than you'd think.
Gemini
21 May - 21 June
Monsters plague your every move and will soon be there to eat your flesh. Pretending to pick fleas off a new member of staff may seem appealing, but the gag may be on you if you actually find some.
Cancer
22 June - 22 July
The night may feel like a safe time to parade naked through the local city streets, however, you may find there are some that oppose your freedom. Horrible smells and green patches on your body may make your day turn sour. Body odour may haunt your chances with a certain member of the opposite sex.
Leo
23 July - 22 August
Careful how you handle yourself today - others may be more tense than usual. Banter between two important people may sway you in your current ideas about progressing with your life. However, until you hear this banter it is impossible to say which direction you'll take. Don't shun your naked body, express yourself in lots of new happy naked ways.
Virgo
23 August - 22 September
Shouting "30 milligrams, STAT!" in a crowded place is probably not going to win you any friends today. Many of the solutions given to you in life make you feel like there's no hope. This is true. Boom! And there goes the last piece of evidence that you were ever here...no-one will ever suspect.
Libra
23 September - 23 October
Hearing clicking noises in your head is not a good sign for you today. Although you have been getting gradually more and more tired over the last few days, you'll find new energy this weekend.
Scorpio
24 October - 21 November
Any film you watch over the coming weekend will stay with you forever. Please ensure the film is not Tomb Raider. Scraping the bottom of the barrel is always a sad affair, especially if it's the biscuit barrel. Banking on anyone this week? Don't let them let you down like they did me. I'm still picking up the pieces of a tattered life.
Sagittarius
22 November - 21 December
Today might be the day when you get stuck in a hole with a dwarf. Remember all the research you did into dwarf habits in order to prevent mental breakdown. Your vision won't fail so long as you avoid sticking forks into your eyes. God may try to speak to you today through a kitchen appliance.
Capricorn
22 December - 19 January
You may find people laughing at your jokes are actually laughing at the way in which you pronounce the words "schlong muckney". You may also want to rethink making up your own jokes and including made up words. Armchair politicians will affect your life today as they rise from their dank pits and begin to conquer the known world. Reality TV shows are not crying out for someone like yourself. You are not photogenic and could probably do with setting your sights much lower.
Aquarius
20 January - 18 February
Congratulations may be in order this week. Gifts can be given and received at the same time, but fights can start over the simplest of things.
Pisces
19 February - 20 March
Supper is something that comes to those who last out the day. You may be too tired, or otherwise incapacitated. Beauty and misery are a package pair for you today. Hope for look in all your endeavours. Your life may seem boring compared to others, however, you *do* have a nice chick.
Qatar's winter months are brimming with unmissable experiences, from the AFC Asian Cup 2023 to the World Aquatics Championships Doha 2024 and a variety of outdoor adventures and cultural delights.
Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a sweet escape into the world of budget-friendly Mango Sticky Rice that's sure to satisfy both your cravings and your budget!
Celebrate World Vegan Day with our list of vegan food outlets offering an array of delectable options, spanning from colorful salads to savory shawarma and indulgent desserts.
Women are like Electric Current!
If handled with Care they will Light Up Your Life!
But,
If Mishandled they will give you Shocks throughout ur life..)
Edifis was seated on an airplane when he suddenly sneezed, "Aaaaatchooooooooo! Ooooooh oh yeah.". Took out his todger , wiped it and went back to reading his comic.
The woman sat next to him asked if he was okay. He replied, "I'm wonderful, never felt better."
A short while later he sneezed again, "Aaaaatchoooo! Oh my god! oh yeah!". Took out his todger. Wiped it clean and went to sleep.
Again the lady enquired if he was okay. He replied, "Ooooh wonderful, never felt better."
A few minutes later he does it again, "Aaaatchooooooooooo! Oh uh uh oh yeah oh god yeah!"
The lady by this time was a bit concerned, he enquired again, "are you okay? What's with all the moaning? and the todger cleaning"
Edifis replied, "I have a medical condition, every time I sneeze, I orgasm."
"Wow!", replied the lady, "Are you taking anything for it?"
"Yes", Edifis answered, "Pepper."
OK love :-/
Yes I like a little black pepper with it too. And some black cumin seeds...salad oil and leave it on the sunny beach inside a petri dish for a nice tan and then have it!
I love my cabbage with butter and black pepper.
Perhaps someday we could swap recipes :-)
I like shredded cabbage in oil & vinegar!
:-( so a cote de azure is not yellow with red spots then? lol
Thanks for your advice Brit on the other matter:-0
Dear Brit:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my makeup.
I am 46, my husband is 50 and we have been married for twenty years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make-up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Cabbage
Reply from Brit
Dear Cabbage:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber. I hope this helps.
Brit
Thanks Brit, the car working well now but can't find my new shoes :-/
What is potato clock?
Polkadots goes into a department store and asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?"
The shopkeeper looks at her and says, "Are you serious? We have cuckoo clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, alarm clocks... what the hell is a potato clock?"
Polkadots says, "I don't know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and the man said 'You'd better get a potato clock.'"
What is the need to wrap the cabbage with bandages?
Instead we can peel off the injured layer and she will look slim and fresh!
Game , Set and Match to both LIS and Brite,....ROFL,)))))))
One thread, worth coming back to!
Cabbage is lying in bed swathed in bandages from head to toe, with just two little slits for her eyes :o(
In walks he best friend Tinkerbell - "What happened to you Girl? i came running as soon as i heard" asked Tinkerbell.
"I came out of The Irish hharp, and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through the plate glass window," mumbled Cabbage.
"Blow me down" exclaimed Tinkerbell. " It's a good job you were wearing all those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons!'
injured, joe cole starts though. Just watched Kenny's pre-match interview, the man has great dignity and respect for all things football, he has been missed.
Good Luck ! Is that youngster Sterling in the squad ?
i hear he's very good..
just sat down with a beer and about to watch the mighty reds against sparta prague. Sorry for the hijack! :0(
Seems that you and I are in the minority :O)
mate - this is the only thread im interested in right now, its a break from the 'norm' and a much needed one.
ROFL..
Sorry for the late reply. I was just explaining to Cabbage that the Cote d'Azur is NOT a blue jacket :O(
and his business partner decide to open a bra shop in Cardiff, they are are just finishing off putting all the shelves and hangers in the empty shop and will put the stock in the next day, where the outside has already had the signs finished to say 'Bra's are us'.
Two elderly Welshmen walk past and see the two guys working hard but fail to see the sign of the shop and pop their head in,
'so what are you selling here then boys?' says one of the Welshmen, Brit expat doesnt really like the welsh and decides to be a bit of a show off in front of his business partner and says 'tits grandad,tits, what the f**k do you think we are going to be selling, did you not see the sign?' the old man nods his head thinks for a moment and says 'if its tits your selling boys you must have had a busy day as there is only two of you left!' :0)
LIS was in the field was counting his sheep.
"205, 206, 207, Hello darling, 208, 209......"
Mr. and Mrs. Britexpat had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca.
"I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Brit.
"What on earth for?" asked his wife.
"I've left the tickets on it."
and you eat them brit! :0)
I must take exception at your comment..
She may be big, but she's Myfanwy (careful with the pronounciation)
We're going out tonight to watch the new welsh film..
The Sheepshag Redemption
last week in one of the bars when he approached two rather big ladies and said 'I know that accent, you two are from Scotland arent you?' to which one replied 'Wales you f**king idiot' brit replied 'ok, you two whales are from Scotland arent you?'
I just got home, and the phone was ringing.
I picked it up, and said "Who's speaking please?"
And a voice said "You are." :O(
edifis he had siemens on his lips too....:(
Rizks did Britex had Siemens on his ear and cheek too?
britexpat ..........
as usual was having dirty talks with WK.
WK was explaining britey how he enjoyed having phone sex to which britey got all excited and started to get all things ready i.e. pack of condoms, scented candle etc. and started to have sex with phone....:(
The next day he was hospitalized coz his little britey was stuck in the tiny holes of the phone receiver ...:(
LOL @ a cute apendicitis!
Goes to see his doctor:
britexpat "doctor every so often i feel light headed and images of donald duck and mickey mouse flash before my eyes"
Doctor "dont worry brit they are just disney spells"
Tinker are you talking about me?
DaRuDe, you must be a Cancer
looooooool :P
lol brit, better
Tinkerbell became ill and was admitted to the hospital. When her attending physician arrived, she asked, "Doctor, what is wrong with me?"
He replied, "Ms. Tinkerbell, you have acute appendicitis."
Her answer: "Oh, Doctor, you say the nicest things!"
Aries
21 March - 19 April
Rudolph, who is admittedly good at knawing on branches, is probably not that good at flying. Hence your planned trip to the local cliff edge, is probably not in his best interests. You're as transparent as a blast of canned air - try to be more complex by wearing hats that are clearly too small for your head.
Taurus
20 April - 20 May
Gift horses always happen to those who least expect it. The moral of this horoscope is: expect a gift horse. If you feel happy today, try to create something that reflects that happiness. The end is more like the beginning than you'd think.
Gemini
21 May - 21 June
Monsters plague your every move and will soon be there to eat your flesh. Pretending to pick fleas off a new member of staff may seem appealing, but the gag may be on you if you actually find some.
Cancer
22 June - 22 July
The night may feel like a safe time to parade naked through the local city streets, however, you may find there are some that oppose your freedom. Horrible smells and green patches on your body may make your day turn sour. Body odour may haunt your chances with a certain member of the opposite sex.
Leo
23 July - 22 August
Careful how you handle yourself today - others may be more tense than usual. Banter between two important people may sway you in your current ideas about progressing with your life. However, until you hear this banter it is impossible to say which direction you'll take. Don't shun your naked body, express yourself in lots of new happy naked ways.
Virgo
23 August - 22 September
Shouting "30 milligrams, STAT!" in a crowded place is probably not going to win you any friends today. Many of the solutions given to you in life make you feel like there's no hope. This is true. Boom! And there goes the last piece of evidence that you were ever here...no-one will ever suspect.
Libra
23 September - 23 October
Hearing clicking noises in your head is not a good sign for you today. Although you have been getting gradually more and more tired over the last few days, you'll find new energy this weekend.
Scorpio
24 October - 21 November
Any film you watch over the coming weekend will stay with you forever. Please ensure the film is not Tomb Raider. Scraping the bottom of the barrel is always a sad affair, especially if it's the biscuit barrel. Banking on anyone this week? Don't let them let you down like they did me. I'm still picking up the pieces of a tattered life.
Sagittarius
22 November - 21 December
Today might be the day when you get stuck in a hole with a dwarf. Remember all the research you did into dwarf habits in order to prevent mental breakdown. Your vision won't fail so long as you avoid sticking forks into your eyes. God may try to speak to you today through a kitchen appliance.
Capricorn
22 December - 19 January
You may find people laughing at your jokes are actually laughing at the way in which you pronounce the words "schlong muckney". You may also want to rethink making up your own jokes and including made up words. Armchair politicians will affect your life today as they rise from their dank pits and begin to conquer the known world. Reality TV shows are not crying out for someone like yourself. You are not photogenic and could probably do with setting your sights much lower.
Aquarius
20 January - 18 February
Congratulations may be in order this week. Gifts can be given and received at the same time, but fights can start over the simplest of things.
Pisces
19 February - 20 March
Supper is something that comes to those who last out the day. You may be too tired, or otherwise incapacitated. Beauty and misery are a package pair for you today. Hope for look in all your endeavours. Your life may seem boring compared to others, however, you *do* have a nice chick.
Elementary, Saeedk, Elementary!
MKOP- My Kindda Place
MKOT- My Kindda Thread.
c so Simble!:-)
Bored with daily routine, Tinkerbell decides to go ice fishing.
So she cuts a hole in the ice and sets up her stool when a voice booms from the heavens, "There are no fish under that ice."
She moves her stool over ten feet and cuts another hole. Again, a voice booms says, "There are no fish under that ice!"
"Is that you God?" Tinkerbell asks.
"No. This is the manager of the ice rink."
good one brit :)
Brit,
did you leave your joke book at home today? :/
oh no , should have tried the old Motorola D 150. :P
hahahahaahah,.......'MKOP' or should I say 'MKOT'
Tragic news......
A QLer has been admitted to hospital for having phone sex.
Doctors managed to remove 3 Nokias, 2 Motorolas and a Samsung. Luckily, no Siemens were found.
ROFL, Saeedk... You got me on that one!though the Mama bear could have minded her language in front of Junior!
I was in the Irish Harp queue with Timebandit and LostinSpace when they started arguing.
Timebandit pushed LIS and said, "Four, nine."
LIS shoved back and shouted, "Sixteen, twenty-five."
The bouncer took out his walkie-talkie and said, "Quick. I need help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."
A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father "Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?"
His dad thinks and then says "Right-ho son, go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."
The boy toddles off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds."
"OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question."
The boy toddles off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would too!"
So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he'd sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds."
The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad! He said he would too!"
"Well there you have it, son," said his dad. Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid.
Realistically we're living with two tarts and a poof."
Rofl britey !
Woman goes into a restaurant and is asked "Would you like to try an Arabic date?".
"Yes, please!"
So they took her to the desert in a Land Cruiser and raped her.
whatta a good instruction from the guard!!!
Rizks went to the zoo and saw this gorilla. He put up his hand to wave at it and it waved back.
Then he put his hand up to the glass and so did it.
Amazed, he poked his tongue out and once again it copied.
He asked Paaju to come and see so he raced over, checked gave Rizks a blank stare and then said "This is a mirror , the gorillas are over there".
i thought u will end up in Zoo or to the Food Festival ? :(