Top 9 Funniest Newspaper Classifieds

Top 9 Funniest Newspaper Classifieds
[ Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers ]
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
[ Man....if only I knew A B C.... ]
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
[ sure...thanx for the warning! ]
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
[ in months or years? ]
4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. []
[ check it out ]
5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
[ Howwww sweeeet ]
6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
[ Wow! A free trip to heaven? ]
7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
[ uh...huh! ]
8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
[ Hey....who taught cows the bad habit?? ]
9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. [ Nice work! ]