S*X...

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".
I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the
clerk that I would like a license for Sex.

He said, "I would like to have one too!"

Then I said, "But she is a dog!"

He said he didn't care what she looked like.

I said, "You don't understand.... I have had Sex since I was nine
years old."

He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like
to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the
wedding was over.

I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world
revolves around Sex."

He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not
marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex
at the wedding.

The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family
is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.

He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.

I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night."

The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition
began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just
looking around.

I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.

He said that I should have sold my own tickets.

"You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."

He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody
of the dog.

I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me
after I was married."

The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for
her.

A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning.

I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.

Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the
psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has
left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely."

And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex
isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog.