Jokes About Men
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don’t you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought disposable diapers as gifts!
All the men should go to heaven because after spending whole life with a woman i think they deserve to be there.
Lol Saeed! :))
You haven't hit the climax yet! Lol!
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
Saad: how can i answer that? lol
LOL guys! chillax! let the dogs bark! HAHAHAHAHAHA! :))
and i am an Infant not a boy yet ? :(
I am a boy not a man yet :(
Not Funny !!huh...:(
Gloomy: do i have any off the above qualities??
lol...are we that stupid?? anyways, good one !!
You got that right...Sid
lobot, vice versa for the woman! :p
the one before the last is hilarious haha good ones :)
the heavy burden of the husband's life is his wife....
Women still marry Men... at least most of them...
So I guess Men are doin' something right :P
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.