hi mariam thanks for your input. yes i am very sure his wife knows about the situation because i have spoken to her myself. months before she was agreeable to the divorce but at the final stage she backed out and doesn't want to push through instead wants to work things out with his husband as per the advice of her family (his famly supports him btw). when i learned about that i asked him if he wants to work out too and end this agony but he said its already too late. so that is why i am struggling because i am the one who is staying away. on our last conversation i told him i can live with the fact that you are once married and be supporting her for the rest of your life, i can even accept that you have a son with her and can learn to love him because i love you but i cannot live with the fact that shes still your wife so i love you but i cannot take this anymore and im leaving. the purpose of this forum is for me to ask anybody who might be in the same situation as me because its hard to deal with this on my own.