Second Wife

Interesting .......................

Interesting .......................

so how is your life now?

britexpat all i can say is that let the man deal with the headache of being in that relationship with her, let him stay away and do the right thing. again, doing the decent thing falls on the woman.

i mean the marriage, or i'm not so late to comment?

are these kind of things really happens? i mean loving someone and being ready to be a second wife! for me it's too filmy. wel, foolishheart must be loving him madly and a real advise may sound crap but still one more fore you dahling...........get down to earth! don't just try things in a hurry.

wish you best of luck.

'cause Foolishheart has no more recourse unless she wanted to go home (it's the only way to be away from this "apple of her eyes") or she continue to "live in sin" (unless I'm wrong in my presumption of the stage of their relationship?).

adulterous courtship is? Does it mean that no courtship exist in Muslim marriages? All arranged marriages (maximum four, if permitted).

No don't do it...don't marry him! Yes Islam does permit a man taking up to four wives but not through adulterous courtships!Heck in Islam adultery carries a death penalty! He is undoubtedly using you & may very well do to you what he did to his first wife! Do you really want to be married to a man you can't trust?Do you really want to live a life of suspicions,unease,& fears? Cut your losses & run girl.. do it while you can!

ruby, that's machismo(did i spell it correctly?) mentality.

i'll join the discussion when the topic gets to tackle the 3rd wife... LOL

In this case , the man is obviously using her. however, she should take the blame for allowing him to be used in this way. She knows that he is already married, yet she is allowing herself to go deeper into this relationship.

ex.ex.expat im just surprised that in this modern world the blame is always put upon the woman. a man flirts and give as good as he got and there is no label for it but if a woman tries and hooks up with a man it seems desperate. consider the situation of foolish heart granted that its wrong to be involved with a married man but why is she taking the heat and everyone says she was the one destroying the family etc why don't a single thread saying it was wrong of the man to take advantage of a single woman when he was the one who is actually married? its always the woman who takes the fall for it.

here in Qatar and qatarliving do seem desperate to do just that. That's why the stereotype exists, like it or not :(

moonblues stop your chauvinist crap. not all single woman's goal in life is to hook up with a man.

If this relationship fail, offcourse it will. She will go back to her country & pretend to be single hook another guy , it is said fall in love, it is fall fall fall, good luck foolish heart. Any ways Shyam4you started flirting you. he needs second wife too, then he can sacrifice you for another lover if you choose.

ignorant Hindi then keep using "V". It fits with the rest of the shyte you write ;)

Why should you WANT to be a second wife ?

I don't know is any one is second wife or second husband here. But from my experience i want to share something. My mother is been a second wife. First wife of my fathar died leaving a daughter back...that time my mother was married to my fathar for the sake of daugter. Being a second wife she has been never happy.There has been always a invisible wall between my father n mother. I won't say tht they don't love each other. But also thr is no completenes between them.

Foolish heart..love is blind..but don't think by heart...in this type of situation u should think by head. My advice to u will be...wait until all the legal procedure is done...give a break...stay away from ur lover...c wht he does..!! Does he really love you?..N can u face the reality after ur marriage to him..though u said that its ok to u to have him his son..but its not an easy thing!!

I would not recommend it as only few people can make this situation work. Chances are very slim. You have to be extremely patient and smart and he has to be extremely wise and cold blooded.

It is not suitable saying that engaging into a relationship with a married man is a bad decision on its own, but be ready that:

His child will always hate you and have trauma of loosing his/her father for the rest of his/her life, blaiming you on his parents separation. Even if it's not completely true. Wait till they divorce and avoid any relathioship till then- I think that what you have done, right?

Secondly his child will hate your children and feel very jealous if you manage to stay together with your to-be husband. Be prepared.

Be ready that his (ex/other)wife will make you mad from time to time as well with her demands and scandals. She might have every rights for that, so don't be surprised.

However, on the other hand we all humans and man as weaker type of humans can get attracted to other woman due to different reasons. Try to understand why he is with you. It will help you later to hold him close or get rid of him.

please dont use V instead of WE....

bcoz. me and my friend use V instead of WE. and some others also started using V instead of WE.

now every 1 thinks that i make many id and post in forums.

please.......

u already put 6 id in my head. which does not belong 2 me.

now dont say that that id is mine.....

please concentrate in topic.

not in V, WE.

language is 4 communication.

and there is no language 4 heart.

let help foolish heart...

go for it or go home or go another country! I'm serious! It's you only option!

yeah..gloomy is right

you have to learn to identify and differentiate the real meaning of the "love" he is offering or is it just purely "something else".

foolish heart, if i were you (which is not, hehehe) i will NOT GO INTO IT.

it will hurt for some time but it will surely fade away.

foolishheart,

u r saying that u r in love with that guy...by this time, u must ve smelled abt his character completely (mostly any girl can do)...if u still think that the guy is true to you without any doubt...u can go with this relationship..but if u r not sure...it is better to wait for sometime before taking ur decision.

it's your life! Are you converting to Islam? You should!

Foolishheart, go for it 'cause the flame now is very much burning. The desire is already there and rather falling into an illegal affair, better make it legal and marry him. You will know the time when everything you're feeling now is right or wrong and if things really will not worked-out later, then in their religion there is a solution (which maybe hard but doable).

Just put one thing in your mind now, you'll marry this guy out of love and you need to sacrifice some things to make it worked.

Do what you want, and blame only your self for the possible outcomes and be responsible for it

. You don't need advices for this kind of dilemma from random people who you don't even know.

if he can leave his first wife ,he can leave you also later.

loving is better and leaving is worst.

Its not important to marry the man you love.

by the way men are polygamous by nature.

and stop it with this "v" already,.. If you mean to say "you", type "you" or "u".. if you mean to say "we", type "we", not "v"!!! who the hell is "v"?!?!

so you're willing to be just a second, suit yourself...

foolish heart

beside all your story, i'm keen interested to know the tactics he used to convince you ;)

As long as he resides in Qatar ( whether a local or an expatriates), the family law is applicable on him. He is obliged to financially support his wife & children whether she remains as the first wife or they get divorced.

If you’re serious in your inquiry, I suggest that you contact the family counseling centre

Tel: 4327777 - 4892888

Email: [email protected]

www.fcc.gov.qa

If he pursued the divorce procedure in Qatar , the family court must have turn the case to the family counceling centre for assessment

I doubt if such marriage would be legal back in your own country so you may want to consider the legal ramifications of a second marriage with regard to children, inheritance, divorce, etc.

Mandi

foolish heart there is a song about that and it says foolish heart you've been wrong before don't be wrong anymore...i just want to offer some support and if you wanted to talk you can pm me. i admire the way you try and fight it out and do the right thing to stay away. that is not an easy thing to do. as for settling to be a second wife hope that will not happen to you. every woman regardless of nationality or religion deserves to be first in a man's life. if it feels so good to be with the wrong man think how wonderful it would be when the right one comes along.

hi mariam thanks for your input. yes i am very sure his wife knows about the situation because i have spoken to her myself. months before she was agreeable to the divorce but at the final stage she backed out and doesn't want to push through instead wants to work things out with his husband as per the advice of her family (his famly supports him btw). when i learned about that i asked him if he wants to work out too and end this agony but he said its already too late. so that is why i am struggling because i am the one who is staying away. on our last conversation i told him i can live with the fact that you are once married and be supporting her for the rest of your life, i can even accept that you have a son with her and can learn to love him because i love you but i cannot live with the fact that shes still your wife so i love you but i cannot take this anymore and im leaving. the purpose of this forum is for me to ask anybody who might be in the same situation as me because its hard to deal with this on my own.

deedee thanks for your comments even thought it hurt a lot its quite true hence the name foolish heart. But i am not starting a thread here to want people to agree with me on the contrary, i want to hear what other people have to say and be convinced that i am making the right decision (check my thread with mariam) i just want to know if anyone out here is a second wife so i can know what life is for her whether its all worth it or not.

If you HAVE time take a vacation from it all, i mean take a long trip because when you are in front facing it all the time your mind is cloudy and emotions are high, and hard to think clearly. when you are far away you have a time to clear your mind and heart to reflect, not an easy decision but what you need is time to clear your mind.

Hahaha so she is your friend now?

Damn you move fast. Anyway I said what I had to say to the OP. I am off to bed, Good Night.

oh sorry man....

i didnt say that she is having bad situation now...

i said v must support a friend both in their good times and bad times... thats all.....

shyam how is this a bad situation?

She wanted to marry him, she is getting her wish. She knew he was married so no surprises there, I believe these are good times for her.

P.S.- Stop sucking up so much, comes across as pathetic.

hay come on friends....

i think v must support her...

she will not understand anything v tells her....

v must support her not only in her good times, in her bad times too....

and i prey 2 god that u will never have 2 face such a bad situation....

go ahead with ur life...

enjoy.......

you CHOSE to get involved with him (no one held a gun to your head), you KNEW he was married and it looks like you have already made your decision and just want people to agree with you. Sorry, but I agree only with your name FOOLISH! Good luck, you are going to need it.

are you sure his wife knows??are you sure he is not in good terms with her?MAN CAN SAY ANYTHING TO GET WHAT he wants ,if they have kids i think you are really not in good position,if they do not and make sure it is true then you deserve him and he deserves you and his wife deserve a nice loving man who appreciate her ,if he has kids he has to spend on them and the wife for taking care of them can he afford two houses or he will be depending on your salary,don't you think it is not worthy the jealousy you will be suffering from ,can't you have a single man ,you will always be scared he will do the same once more,i am a muslim and i do not advice it at all not easy thing to do at all

You are worried about being second wife, FFS what if he brings in a 3rd wife tomorrow and a 4th the day after. Love can happen many times you know. If he ain't loyal to one, chances are he won't be loyal to the 2nd.

afifa of course i do, i just need some support thats all. this issue i cannot just speak about this with my circle of friends better say it out loud here and i can get ideas from people who dont know me personally. its just new to me thats all and its hard to do the right thing when i am overcome with love for this man.

then if you think he is the wrong man, you have decided already.

its wrong. and please do the right thing. because it's gonna be too late and you cannot turn back time once you got married with him.

very funny ex ex pat but thanks for the humor :)

all i can say draky is that even the vampire dracula fell in love with a woman so be careful you might end up in a worst situation than me.

moonblues i think you need to tell the man to back off not me. because i have been trying my best to do the right thing. you think i was the one you came to him and insist upon myself? the answer is hell no. he was the one who convinced me until i gave in and so does my brains to go with it. i never take him away from his family in fact when we started as friends before i was the one who encouraged him to try and work things out because marriage is a commitment. but lady in question doesnt care about his husband and only started caring when there was some competition. now whatever the reasons may be its still wrong but the only wrong i did was to love the wrong man.

she's a troll from gilligan island.

when u r in love, v may not know what is right and what is right...

when u r angry, what ever u do will make u regret when ur anger is gone....

its human nature man...

when she is on the rebound and he can swoop in and catch her for himself :P

as i've said when you are "in love", you are blinded with your emotions that you tend to oversee the reality.

but the fact that you are having confusion means that you feel for yourself that there something is wrong.

and thinking that there is something wrong will lead you to the right decision.

Check your MESSAGE!

i support this loving heart.

and i will support her if her decision is wrong, and if she is in trouble...

AGAIN:

That is totally wrong when you say that "only time will make her realize weather it was right or wrong"

BECAUSE:

EVEN if you close your eyes & heart You will always know what is right & wrong!

Very Very Foolish-Heart

dear damdem...

what ever she decide, v cannot say its right or wrong now..

only time will make her realize weather it was right or wrong....

i said, if it is wrong, i will b there 2 help her...

thats all.....

dear damdem...

what ever she decide, v cannot say its right or wrong now..

only time will make her realize weather it was right or wrong....

i said, if it is wrong, i will b there 2 help her...

thats all.....

stay away while you can.he will never leave his first wife believe me especially if they are relatives. you will not have him completely. you days with him on an scheduled basis like every other day and fridya for sure will be with his children.you will end up being miserable but if you like hte idea there is nothing we can do.

pm me ,i can tell you more

SHYAM4U...supporting her when her decision is wrong is the worst thing of all. WAKE UP!

could be anyone.......

sometimes doing the right thing will cause so much pain. but it will pay off in the end.dont let your emotion decide for you right now. wait and you will be able to see things clearly. goodluck! and stay strong.

?

when v r in love......

v will b mad....

blind...

v dont listen 2 any1 other than heart.......

and the 1 who never experienced love will not understand anything abt love....

if any friend of mine does not listen 2 my warnings abt a danger, next thing i do is help him 2 come out from danger...

life and class room is different...

in school the teacher teaches the lesson and gives the test.

but in life, it gives the test first, and teaches a lesson....

i support this loving heart.

and i will support her if her decision is wrong, and if she is in trouble...

?

Its like MAJORITY wins.....Foolisheart should go out from this foolish situation...if not she will turns out chaoticheart.

They got separated because of her.Many homes are breaking just because these kinda females, who could do anything for money, no love, she bring in that word for sympathy. Man is not innocent, but they make him inddulge in certain acts which as a muslim wife, she is prohibited to indulge in Islam. The marraige in islam is equity with rights of acts for husband & wife to share, not the pronographic material. Iam not blaming her for such acts, I hear lot of such happenings from my European friends also saw some photographs, god forbid me for that.Nothing is lost Miss Foolish heart you should forget whole episode and carry on with life and to support your family back home with hard earn money. Yes adults have own life and freedom but not at the cost of others.Self restrain,,we are not animals, no religion no society in the world would accept that. Sorry for my long lecture, please think.

if not, her name says it all: FOOLISH heart.

EX EX PAT...do not judge her as a another woman who came to Doha looking for a husband to get her out of her situation back home...You do not know her! iF YOU WANT..jUDGE her the way she handles her situation being foolishly "IN LOVE". iT happens sometimes but now she will WAKE UP with these machiguns of points of views. bEYOND THOSE ideas out of context..We will respect her privacy.

hay v dont know anything abt the girl who posted this.

what ever she told us is her version....

that may or may not b true...

v dont know the person whom she loves and wanted 2 get married...

v dont know abt the wife of that person..

v dont know anything abt any1....

thats y i told her 2 do what her heart says......

and by the way, i know my destiny is not sooo far...

i am waiting 4 my final destination.

she's a troll.

besides his wife will say that they are "separated" or "estranged". It's just another way to say, "she won't know about it if I can help it".

As far as I am concerned she is just another desperate woman who came to Doha looking for a husband to get her out of her situation back home. It's pretty clear she got involved with a married man and I think she deserves what she gets, but I do feel sorry for the man's wife and kids.

moonblues67: She mentioned that the guy & her wife were already separated (estranged).

And, by the way you cannot clap with one hand, so please do not say stuff like the guy is not to be blamed as if the guy is a milk sipping baby.

I'm feeling sorry for the wife and the children, just in case.... :(

Hat off, Moon!

Guys you are feeling sorry for this lady, knowingly she made her moves with a married man,dont you feel sorry for the first wife and may be kids, you think some money would satisfy for wife to loose a husband & if children, to loose a father.

How many homes these kind of girls from far east are breaking, now stop giving advice about mans fault, man never moves forward unless the women go beyond limits, atleast in Qatar where laws are defined. Lady please back off & let him have his family back. Many other good singles are around fall in love with them.

I got a couple chastity belts for sale, specially for those adulterious fellows..

exex...choop rhao! :P

shyam and foolishheart. destiny awaits you :)

:)

...plain "stoopidity"!

(pun intended!)

a married man and now he has decided to do the "decent" thing and make you his 2nd wife? Can he afford 2 wives and all the children he may have to support? You know that Muslim wives don't have to contribute to the support of their family and the man is supposed to pay for everything.

Can you live with the knowledge that he must split his time equally between you two and that he will be sleeping with her, too? How do you feel about the fact that she will almost certainly hate you and want to drive you apart?

these r the rare moments in life. where v dont know what is right what is wrong.....

what 2 do, what not...

long back...

my wife asked divorce from me. i asked y?

she told, that she dont think that i lover her any more...

she love some1 else. and wanted 2 marry him...

it was very hard 4 me 2 decide. what 2 do...

after few days of deep thinking, i decided 2 sign on divorce notice.

not bcoz i dont love her.

just bcoz i love her more...

i just let her live with the 1 whom she loves.

i was more concerned abt her happiness than mine....

if he is her happiness, if she wanted 2 live with him, y should i stop???

so my dear friend....

i know how u feel now.

how confused u r....

i dont have anything 2 tell u.

except.....

its ur life. u decide whats best 4 u.

dont ever ask others advice or suggestion.

i just told u my story, so that u may come 2 right decision....

take care..

when u r in love, u dont listen anything other than heart beat.

u dont c anything other than ur lover...

after some days, when u r able 2 hear and c, u should never regret 4 the decision u take now..

foolishheart, nowadays, your brain is the sharpest weapon you can use to decide.

Your heart may feel some sort of pain but it can't make any good judgement whenever its in-love.

I can say you're already an adult (as per your age), given freewill to decide on matters concerning your future.

Clean up the garden mate, you may see some other good plants sprouting. :p

i'm praying for you.

foolishheart: I totally completely agree with you, that society is a very very crazy place.

Glad that you are positioning yourself to be strong. Good luck, if you ever need any help, use this thread as forum to shout out to all those who have responded here so that we can help you see the logic.

In the end, it is your life, we all can only suggest and tell you what we feel, but you are the one who has the power to make changes in your life.

Best Thing to do... Unwind, Relax & dont rush things! Do not decide when Emotion is high.

You can do it! Do the right Things! GOOD Luck!

i've been the 'other man' before. guilt free sex and no strings attached is all good in my books.

i know that well dandem otherwise i would have just taken the plunge and to hell with the consequences. i just need an outlet to air out my grievances this is not easy for someone who has been through this. and i will say that why should i be labeled as the bad girl? and not the man? i think there is a double standard here in our society. i have been struggling trying to do what is right and i am still struggling.

Venky_ 83 is right... If in case ...make sure you will end up the NEXT wife NOT the SECOND wife.

Use your brain not your heart, Dont let emotions run through yourself. Love does not mean you need to sacrifice, it means you need to understand and live with it.

You will end up the bad girl in the end......PEACE!

thanks venky i appreciate your comments. i thought so too. anyways if its meant to be it will happen regardless but its better to wait it out and settle these things. hope il be strong enough to withstand this.

dandem what i mean to say about not being used to it is being in a relationship that is complicated. i am a single woman and know what is right and wrong however, i have a weakness too and i guess its love. whether its selfish or inconceivable its up to you to judge. i am just trying to be honest because some women might feel the same as me feeling helpless losing their wits when it comes to love.

foolishheart: I would suggest that you both wait for all these legal issues to get over before entering into a relationship. Because, what if later on there is some issue with regards to the legality of your marriage, then you would be in a bigger soup.

AFAIK, for a muslim man to have a second wife, he need to ensure equal rights and equal privileges for both woman, if he is not in a position to do so, the marriage may not be valid. So, please, make it easier for you, wait for the marriage. Anyways, you have waited for so long, wait some more.

Best of Luck!

thanks lemon tree i am touched my your comments because its not very judgmental. i am not trying to be a home breaker or anything like that because before i came in, they were already estranged with each other and only the divorce will make things official with them. but some things are complicated and this issue will not be resolved now. hope things will be clearer soon.

You're not used to that? but seems you want to do it ( No turning back?) Anybody can decide in his/her own will...Life is wonderful to live without complications and Burdens in life. Remember 'You are the master of your own self ' hence you can do turn back or move forward with him or without him. At the end of the day you need to be at peace with yourself.

Think Twice.....When we say freedom or freewill it means free to choice the right ways.

What I am getting at is that if my first wife caught me, I would be killed, there are some rare examples of men with two wives in America, but this is vey rare. I am not aware of any state that allows it. I apologize, I meant no disrespect to Muslims or the woman asking the question, again many apologies.

drmana thank you for your comments. i have been through all of those points the last months and if i will use my brains i wouldn't really ask this question here in this forum. but im using my heart that is why im so torn.

1) r u willing to become a second wife??

2) What is the mans commitment about his first wife??

3) do they hav kids?? what age??

4) Does he really love u??

answer them to urself...coz managing everything being a second wife might be tougher than any decision u will take right now.

He is ready to leave his first wife for you but please remember that same thing may happen to you after sometime after his romance weans off. I don't think this is a good idea whatever the religion says.

You are going to be a home-breaker. Are you ready for that?

Just my views, ignore if you want.

lemontree im in love with a muslim man. he proposed to me but its not that romantic at all because i will be a second wife :( im not used to this at all but the dice has been rolled and there is no turning back for me. he has taken a first wife and tried to get a divorce but there are some legal issues like the rights he has to pay. he has been trying to settle things with the first wife to try and have an amicable divorce but her family will not accept it. as of now he cannot afford to pay the rights since its not a paltry sum. now he wants to move forward and be married to me but that would mean i have to be a second wife. please let me know your thoughts really appreciate it.

this sounds very serious.

crnkshft, isn't it allowed for muslims? (i mean if they can equally provide for all their wives. correct me if i'm wrong.)

what happened foolishheart??? please elaborate

If I am not mistaken all those who got caught with or attempting a second wife In Qatar were used to help build up the land at the Pearl;)