deedee thanks for your comments even thought it hurt a lot its quite true hence the name foolish heart. But i am not starting a thread here to want people to agree with me on the contrary, i want to hear what other people have to say and be convinced that i am making the right decision (check my thread with mariam) i just want to know if anyone out here is a second wife so i can know what life is for her whether its all worth it or not.