Britexpat went into the pet shop.
"I am playing Long John Silver in the local amateur dramatic society's version of Treasure Island and need a parrot to sit on my shoulder" he said.

"I don't have any parrots at the moment, but you wouldn't want a real parrot for that anyway. It would squawk in all the wrong places , poop on your shoulder and generally be a nuisance. What you need is a stuffed parrot. Just as realistic and easily controlled."

"Are you sure a stuffed parrot would be OK"? asked Brit "I do want this performance to be as realistic as possible."

"I am sure a stuffed parrot would be fine" said the pet shop owner. "I have one at home. I'll bring it in and if you come back on Thursday you can have it".

"Sorry" said Brit "I can't make it on Thursday. That's the day I'm having my leg cut off".