I know several muslims who married 2. none of their first wife is happy. though they appeared happy, they did say it's not their choices, their husbands married to the second secretly and bring it to the first one.

You are a muslim, u know the reason why Mohhamod (SAW) married 4 (even though I don't agree). You also know that your wife would be hurt. You know what, I perfer u had a fair and let it go. there are plenty men with "big heart", it's not the problem for man, it's the problem for wife!

Further more, woman has the same "heart" as u, how abt ur wife tell u first that she loves another...think the pain u have then say "Love".