The most challenging aspect of a long distance relationship is maintaining the feeling of simply being part of one another’s lives. Couples that see one another only once a week or once a month often can feel disconnected from their partner. This disconnection can lead to an erosion of intimacy.
Think of intimacy as requiring two components:
1) the sharing of emotions, and
2) inter-relatedness of daily activities.
Couples in long distance relationships (LDRs) usually do a great job of sharing the emotions that they have for one another. But the second part of the equation, “interrelatedness” requires a great deal of effort.
Interrelatedness means being somehow involved in your partner’s, often mundane, day-to-day activities, adventures, struggles, and accomplishments. Geographically close couples do this almost unconsciously as they chat about little events that are upcoming or recently past. These little events seem relevant when discussed right away, but they lose their interest and excitement when discussed in retrospect. For example, “Guess what happened to me at the grocery store?” would be a comment that geographically close couples would share later that night. Although the content may seem trivial, the unconscious connection formed between partners with each little interaction, such as this, forms the foundation of intimacy. But the same couple, placed in a long distance relationship, would likely not think to discuss this little adventure at the grocery store or would find it has lost it’s interest when brought up several days after the fact.
Being emotionally honest and open with your partner is certainly an important component of any romance. Some even suggest that those in LDRs may share their loving feelings more openly than those in geographically close relationships. Perhaps the uncertainty inherent in the separation makes us a little more in need of explicit confirmation of how our partner feels and how the relationship stands. Yet letter after letter of deep emotional revelations can still leave one feeling distant.
The most challenging aspect of a long distance relationship is maintaining the feeling of simply being part of one another’s lives. Couples that see one another only once a week or once a month often can feel disconnected from their partner. This disconnection can lead to an erosion of intimacy.
Think of intimacy as requiring two components:
1) the sharing of emotions, and
2) inter-relatedness of daily activities.
Couples in long distance relationships (LDRs) usually do a great job of sharing the emotions that they have for one another. But the second part of the equation, “interrelatedness” requires a great deal of effort.
Interrelatedness means being somehow involved in your partner’s, often mundane, day-to-day activities, adventures, struggles, and accomplishments. Geographically close couples do this almost unconsciously as they chat about little events that are upcoming or recently past. These little events seem relevant when discussed right away, but they lose their interest and excitement when discussed in retrospect. For example, “Guess what happened to me at the grocery store?” would be a comment that geographically close couples would share later that night. Although the content may seem trivial, the unconscious connection formed between partners with each little interaction, such as this, forms the foundation of intimacy. But the same couple, placed in a long distance relationship, would likely not think to discuss this little adventure at the grocery store or would find it has lost it’s interest when brought up several days after the fact.
Being emotionally honest and open with your partner is certainly an important component of any romance. Some even suggest that those in LDRs may share their loving feelings more openly than those in geographically close relationships. Perhaps the uncertainty inherent in the separation makes us a little more in need of explicit confirmation of how our partner feels and how the relationship stands. Yet letter after letter of deep emotional revelations can still leave one feeling distant.
"RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT"