THINK BEFORE YOU FLIRT.....
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and cupping a little feel here and a little kiss there.His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate love in the back seat.Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening""You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to my Boss, apparently he had the time of his life."
wife learned a good lesson
Take care have a goood weekend...see ya...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
good one.. I'm outta here for now, gotta go :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
I man comes home early and finds his wife in bed with another man. WHAT AM I LOOKING AT!! exclaims the man....Johnnnn replies the wife gasping....DONT JUST LOOK LEARN.
O yes ofcourse a person like u is quite required in life...to make it more lighter...cheers to u Star...good to have u here...on QL...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Goddess.. :) Nice to cheer everyone up - this site has been far too serious lately
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Whats this that i see...u r what...a god of jokes or something...this is amazing...all i can really say is dont keep the jokes flowing out after 1:30...cos most of all of us start leavin office...and its tough to drive thinking bout the jokes and laughing all the way...
Keep up the good work...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
"Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned.
I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally we get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a couple of years later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house.
You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification.
You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children.
So, for God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
One day, in a remote African village, a young wife gives birth to a white baby. Irate, the husband storms out of the hut and runs towards the only white man within a hundred miles of the Village, a Christian Priest, doing missionary work in Africa.
"Explain this to me!" He practically shouts at the priest.
Flustered, the priest stammers back: "erm...well...you see my son, the lord works in mysterious ways...." It is then that he spots a group of baby goats and thinking fast, begins to steer the conversation:"...You see that group of baby goats there....see how they are all white except for that one black one?"
The husband then cuts him off, saying:" ok ok....I get it...I won't tell anyone about the baby....if you promise not to tell anyone about the goat"
Stay safe all.
Perfection does not exist. The question therefore, is: what level of imperfection are we willing to settle for?
Just a friendly reminder that tomorrow is National Orgasm Day.
Are you coming?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
I'm being forced to tell everyone here all the jokes, cause otherwise they'd think I was a crazy loco laughing to myself like that.
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
These are great, I've been forwarding them to my Dad all morning. :D
"I fight with love and I laugh with rage, you have to live light enough to see the humor and long enough to see some change." Ani Difranco
I promise to behave .... well, as best I can anyway ;)
I am lost. What are we discussing here again. ????
Writing a love letter with the title as 'To Whom So Ever It May Concern'
'Are you religious? Because I'm the answer to all your prayers!'
'You know, the more I drink, the prettier you get!'
'Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes!'
Baby I have an addiction problem. People say I should go to rehab but I always tell them that I don't want to go cause I'm addicted to YOU!
[img_assist|nid=28861|title=believe and u will see...Life is as simple as we make it complicated|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=122|height=180]
no amigo am a cool man not shouting.....my caps lock has a nasty habit of being on.....sorry....i, coming for ur party amigo lol....do it right - the first time!
ROFL. I had to explain to everyone around why I was laughing so hard...they probably thought it was just me joking around with the voices in my head haha.
do I crack the nod?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Oh No!!!! always trust ur husband!
And I thought we were considering the moral consequences of flirting.
I had a plan to throw a Haloween Party this coming October forthe QLers.........but now I am having second thoughts after reading the above.
jauntie u r definitely OUT:)
coolquite......as a norm when u r using capitals on a chat it means u r yelling.r u?
gotta luv it !
i said 'what if..'
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
STAR WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A CHASTITY BELT AT A HALLOWEEN PARTY.....?
do it right - the first time!
this shows men r easily distracted
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
Good stuff starseed... Ur like the New QL Jester :P
Dear Abby
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls".
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?
Signed,
Perplexed
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8
children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus
arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are
able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!" The blind man replies:
"If you would've put a rubber (condom) on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus, so shut up!!!!"
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
what if their costume has a chastity belt with a lock?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
IF YOU R ..DOING.. SOMEONE AT A HALLOWEEN PARTY .....UNDO THE MASK FIRST.LOL
do it right - the first time!
After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo
(and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver," But would you please
take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope "they never let me drive
at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job if something
should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work
that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it,accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but
the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, my God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop
approaches,but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his
motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," the cop says to the dispatcher. The
Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's just stopped a
limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," said the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: ! "Bigger."
Chief: "Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!"
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
i just left for a some time n this is the outcome
lol
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
Neither the husband nor the wife will tell the truth... just learn from their mistakes..
"I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her]. Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions? Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away." -M. K. Gandhi
[img_assist|nid=28861|title=believe and u will see...Life is as simple as we make it complicated|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=122|height=180]
As humans, if we could, foresee the implications of our actions we won’t be in moral dilemma, ever. If only.
Nice you're back Jack..
Good way of finding your wife.. :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
A girl comes home from school one day with a question on her mind, and goes to her mother for an answer.
Mother," she asks, "what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
Her mother is thoughtful for a moment, and then replies, "Well, I'll tell you what, honey. Go and ask your father if he'd sleep with Auntie Doris up the road for a million dollars."
The girl is confused, but follows her mother's instructions, and proceeds into the kitchen. When she returns, she tells mother, "He said he would, Mum..."
Her mother again looks thoughtful, and so the girl asks, "Now will you teach me the difference between potential and reality?"'
The mother says, "I will, honey, but first, go ask your brother if he'd sleep with Auntie Doris up the road for a million dollars." Eeeuuuuwww.. The girl is even more puzzled, but does as her mother says.
After she returns from her brother's room, she says, "Yes, mum, he said he would sleep with Auntie Doris up the road for a million dollars. Now will you teach me the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The mother looks at her daughter, and says, "Alright sweetie, think about this: Potentially, we've got two million dollars, but realistically - we're just living with a couple of male sluts."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Flirting is in human nature and to b suspicious is just natural for a wife I guess (accept it or not)
a man walks upto a good looking dame in a shopping mall and says, "mam can I talk to u for a moment" Bewildered she says OK.....He says"Actually I am not able to locate my wife and whenever I am talking to a beautiful woman somehow or the other she just appears"
I will try this line when I visit shopping malls of Dubai next time.:)
i was sure you'd enjoy that one - I'll turn it around 4 u..... watch this space :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Thats indeed a good one...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Gooood one .. was expected .. ;) keep the good work
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
A boy comes home from school one day with a question on his mind, and goes to his father for an answer.
Father," he asks, "what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
His father is thoughtful for a moment, and then replies, "Well, I'll tell you what, son. Go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with the mailman for a million dollars."
The boy is confused, but follows his father instructions, and proceeds into the kitchen. When he returns, he tells father, "She said she would, Dad..."
His father again looks thoughtful, and so the boy asks, "Now will you teach me the difference between potentially and reality?"'
The father says, "I will, son, but first, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the mailman for a million dollars." The boy is even more puzzled, but does as his father says.
After he returns from his sister's room, he says, "Yes, dad, she said she would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars. Now will you teach me the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father looks up at his son, and says, "Alright son, think about this: Potentially, we've got two million dollars, but realistically - we're just living with a couple of slags."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Morning to u...well how rightly pointed out...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
where's yr imagination. too early for u? :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
what did the handsome, sexy and irresistible husband do
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
how ya doin?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
:o)
If you go to a fancy dress party, stark naked and wearing only a condom on the end of your nose - when asked by the Host what or who you have come as, simply answer: F"ck Knows !
After the party, as the couple was driving home, the wife asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible you are to women?"
The flattered husband laughed and said, "No, dear, they haven't."
The wife yells, "Then what the f*** gave you THAT idea at the party?!!"
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
If there is good understanding between the couple, there is no question of suspicion, you know exactly to what extend he or she will go in your absence.
If I were her I would have not done it in the first place. If at all I go I would tell him rather than spyin him.
Wonder why guys think that its okay for husbands to flirt and they expect their wives to be only with them. what’s the logic behind it??
She was tired that she couldn't go with him ..
Then it's Don't attend masked fancy dress Halloween party with or without ur wife .. She could be there flirting with someone or watching u flirting with other ladies ..
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Hey morning to u bro...hows things going...
As for the moral of the story...take ur wife along with u....and ensure u know which costume she is wearing and she doesnt know which costume u r wearing...;)
That really serves the purpose...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Don't leave ur wife alone at home
OR
Better not to get married .. lol
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
U guys and gals just cant take a joke that has been posted as a joke right...
U have to run into the moral of the story...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
in the womb we r embroy n not puppet
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
.. that's what you think. when you're in the matrix you're their puppet - LOL
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
well said
btw my thoughts n realities r poles apart
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
just those thoughts will create that reality for you.. what goes around comes around, the wheel turns, and all that..
Maybe she'd never tell you.. cos she knows it's not your way either
another lesson in assumptions... To a.s.s.u.m.e. makes an [A**] out of [U] n [ME]
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
That's the Man .. My answers would be the same as urs ..
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
HEY ALL HOW ARE YOU.
QUESTION 1. WOULD I TELL MY WIFE IF IT HAPPENED TO ME?.
ANSWER OF COURSE NOT.
QUESTION 2 WOULD I EXPECT MY WIFE TO TELL ME IF IT HAPPENED TO HER?
ANSWER OF COURSE YES.......
LOL....WHAT CAN I SAY GUYS....I AM A MAN.AFTER ALL.......
do it right - the first time!
Good morning .. I just imagined that if i were in his situation .. would my wife tell me or not .. if she didn't she will be fooling me and i will be living like an idiot thinking that i'm the only one .. if she told me i wouldn't have completed the way with her "Divorce" ..
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
situation is from a French farce lol
Morning all :D
If u were in such situation like her .. would u tell u husband the truth or keep silent forever ..
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
I was thinking about the same thing but hey .. it isn't a real story .. take the moral of it .. ;)
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Keep them coming.
u mean to say she did not recognize the voice when he whispered a little proposition in her ear
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
just goes to say.......always trust your man
women with suspicious minds get screwed.!
lol...........
do it right - the first time!
How ironic. She put herself in the exact predicament she thought her husband might be doing. Tisk Tisk.
yea.. be careful with whom you are flirting.. :)
Judge not! that you be not judged!
Oooooooooooooooooops ... what a situation ...
================================================
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/LittleGuitarist
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)