men and women
By coolquietman •
today was a morn for jokes and humour...and continuing on that thread
a good one...guys
today was a morn for jokes and humour...and continuing on that thread
a good one...guys
If you're using a laptop, you can buy the privacy (transparent/black) screen. Place it on your screen. It'll make anyone unable to see what page you're on. Intruders will only see black shade from all sides. You're the only one who can see straight into what you're doing. It's around 40-50 US$.
Get innovative..:)
Salam
enjoy the show!
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Many thanks for sticking with me.
And sorry if we overlap and I appear to not answer you.
I can't get on much these days as I am in a new office and everyone can see my screen, nightmare!!!!!
Genuine thanks again, sleep tight.
Cheers,
Call me Maninibat!
just holding the blue ribbon tied to the blue rose... contemplative
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Is your avatar Kylie flossing a very small ladies shoe?
Call me Maninibat!
with those ears you don't need a t-shirt
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
There must be a t-shirt made with me on it somewhere.
To stop people from breaking their own windows with their heads while trying to protect themselves from their own dogs while having a wee drunk.
It's in another thread, one to remember though. :)
Call me Maninibat!
having to hit F5 all the time - is this site slow 2nite? Or am I just too slow for you? :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Great enjoy it.
So which of the above is your most impossible to say when drunk? Sounds like you've been there, done that. Have you got the t-shirt?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
View, refresh
View, refresh
View, refresh
View, refresh
Call me Maninibat!
Oh just seen your response.
Soundtrack of my life.
With Marc Almond.
Love his stuff and I want to hear what he likes.
Call me Maninibat!
Oh well.
Heres one for tomorrow.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
&n bsp;9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this
parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
Call me Maninibat!
you watchin in 30 minutes?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Hang on, my telly program isn't on for another 30 mins.
Honestly, you turn your back for a few weeks and no one wants to play.
Humfff.
Call me Maninibat!
the backyard??? lol
I'm off to beddie byes now. Have fun. Not sure if anyone else is around now...
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
my bed is calling me!!!!
_________________________________
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the
other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib
and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, and then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."
...AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN'??
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Ahhh you see, it's all in the planning.
Who am I kidding BTW?
It wasn't that long ago that the back yard was only "a bit different".
But I could get a Harley in there without worring about the kids catching us.
And I could get one of those leathers with the tassles on the arms.
Call me Maninibat!
control is off limits too.. she is in control :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
I do like the couch BTW, right by the telly.
But I get told off if I get oil on the sofa.
Call me Maninibat!
What's wrong with the couch? So versatile, is a woman
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
It's hard enough getting a woman up the stairs sometimes.
Never mind a great big bike.
Call me Maninibat!
women are better, you say, then?? You'd lose in that deal
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Hello everyone, I'm up because I'm waiting to watch something on the telly.
I really want to ride a Harley BTW but it isn't a fair swap.
Call me Maninibat!
sweet dreams.. try not to wake yrself up with yr giggles. Thanks for yr participation..
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
ok I was close
:D
Rudolph the red nosed gerkin - no?
anyway I'm off to bye byes
cheers for the fun, have a restful Friday! :o)
the answer is:
v
v
(drum roll)
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
A DILL DOE! :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
for the giggles. drive safely x
yes please. It will make my day ..
Is the answer a drunk horny santa claus?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
ho...hum..good night people......actually am not hitting the sack but going out for a drive just to see how ramadan night is.......have fun
all of ya
do it right - the first time!
don't you want to know the answer to the reindeer riddle before beddie byes?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes. "
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
sorry - it's late and I'm very tired. I had been in a thread earlier for ages with maria, and I got confused.
I think I shall say my goodnights xx
Have fun - hope you don't get too much hassle!
lol star jauntie was with maria in another forum so she mixed u up......besides its past your bedtime jaunt....i can hear u dozing.......star .....whats with u and hb......he seems to know u well.?
do it right - the first time!
it is a true story that happened bout one week ago :D
the weddiing was planned in the open air (green field). The moment they were gathering and the couple were there, suddenly the automatic sprinklers started working. And everybody was "wet" without any effort:)))
why are u calling me maria?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
THIS HAS BEEN A PROBLEM WITH THESE SO CALLED NEWLY WED BRIDES THEY THINK THE MAN 2 WHOM THEY R MARRIED A WHILE AGO IS THE END AND THE START,FORGETTING ALL THE WHINKS OF THAT MAN WHO WAS BEHIND HER TWO DAYS BEFORE AND GAVE HER HIS MOBILE NUMBER.SHE SHOULD MAKE AN EXCUSE AND ASSURE HIM OF HER COMING BACK NEXT MORNING IF HE CAN'T WAIT OUTSIDE FOR HER AT THE HOTEL LOBBY IN A WHILE.BY THE WAY STARSEED U KNOW THE TRICK NOW
or is this a joke ....
I have absolutely NO idea!!!!! :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
what DO you get, if you cross a pickle with a reindeer ...
did anyone hear about the incident that happened to a brit groom and his philipina bride in one of the 5 stars hotels recently
what was all that hari s talking about....?
do it right - the first time!
..what u get if u cross a pickle with a reindeer??
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
smallcox
is a good one...
do it right - the first time!
think I had better stop reading or I shall be giggling all night
..very interesting
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
A young couple left the church & arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne & began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Eeeaaahhh - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled & weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, & they continued undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose. "What's wrong with your knees?" she asked. "They're all lumpy & deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?"
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
AFTER SEEING THE MAP NOW I AM OF THE OPINION STARTSEED THAT ITS ALL BEACUSE OF UR DISSATISFACTION INLIFE AND NOT BEACUSE OF THOSE PITABLE JEWS AND ARABS!
tHE MAN U HAVE TO MAKE AND LOOK 4 THE 1 WHO IS MADE EITHET 4 SOME1 ELSE OR BY SOME1 ELSE.iF U CHEAT A WOMAN BEING A WOMAN U SHALL B SURE CHEATED BY ANY ,MAN. FOR FURTHER UNDERSTANDING BE PERSONEEL WITH ME
lol
just imagine if it was a three wish genie
wish 1---peace in middle east.....
genie said..lemme see f...ing map again
wish 2---find that perfect man...
genie sighed
wish 3---find a woman with half a brain..
genie disappeared back into the bottle...
lol........ladies ..calm calm.......
do it right - the first time!
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
one of my all time favourites :D
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.
See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These
countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to
find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic,
likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets
along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for... a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the f%#king map again."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
ok ..ladies...peace ...all in the spirit of good fun . im sure star has a good sense of humour....lol
do it right - the first time!
You are gonna get yourself into trouble.
qn 1.where do men store jokes?
ans. IN THEIR BRAIN.
QN 2. where do women store jokes?
ans. its obvious ninny...in a folder where else....LOl
momeee give me control .....do it right - the first time!
has to store them somewhere!
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
do u have an archive s folder with all those ....what a tragedy......and i though you were a born comedian..........oh here i go again...sorry mom
do it right - the first time!
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
your mother a VERY wise woman!
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
my archive folder :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
star
i meant dont ur fingers ache from all that cutting and pasting......lol and where do u get the gum.........ok ok im just pulling ur leg...........on second thoughts i wonder if that would be a wise thing to do......? my mom always said "never tease a woman u dont know well ...
do it right - the first time!
Good one. Where you finding all these?
it's called technology - 'cut n paste' - try it some time :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
good ones......ps dont ur fingers ache from all that typing ......or is that something u do for a living?
do it right - the first time!
You twisted my arm:
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice & yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up & down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers & then picked up her winnings & her clothes &quickly left. The dealers starred at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
LOL jauntie. I think so too. Men use their cerebral hemispheres very wisely, left for beer, right for boobs lol.
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
That was the funniest part. Ha. Any man would be proud.
A family are sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father:
"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of
breasts... in her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry!"
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said: "Mum, how
many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers: "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!"
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Did he manage that lot without viagra?
I still say that coolqman's version of man & woman ought to end:
To make a man happy.
Turn up naked carrying a 6 pack
ROFL. I don't understand how we can live with men lol.
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying sh** while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)— on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally)
6:45 Sh**, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself
~ your thoughts create your reality ~