manners of a dad

I would never call a child stupid, my own or anyone elses, and I would avoid ridiculing people, especially children. Unfortunately not everyone is equipped to satisfactorily manage all situations with their own children, or even with other people. Most of us muddle by. In this situation I pity the parent as well as the child. My grandmother insisted, time and time again, that we are all G-d's children, with the benefit of that type of thought in one's life it is easier to understand that calling a child stupid is not the thing to do.

Call it the acquisition of values that allow us to coexist more peacefully, but this knowledge and experience is sometimes also accidental. Some people are less fortunate, some are more so. I consider myself fortunate to have been surrounded by wiser people as I grew up, in my humble opinion not everyone has that good fortune.

(pours it down the sink) but smiles and says, 'thanks'.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

ha! you wish, *puts 3 table spoons of sugar in her cup* here drink up :p

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

smacks you off and goes I am a dog lover. But thanks for the cup of tea you are now going to make lol.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

its oright penny different folks different strokes, now...*jumps up on penny's lap* scratch the belly..meow meow :)

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

course as parents we say and do things and after we cringe and think maybe that was a bit harsh. We are still human after all.

For me, I can never imagine a situation where I would need to call my children or any child stupid or compare them.

It is wrong. I am not Mrs Perfect Parent by any stretch of the imagination. I too have made mistakes we all do.

But I have never called a child stupid nor would I compare. It is wrong and you can't defend the indefensable.

Even in anger, I can't see why.

Sorry smoke, as I have said I am far from being perfect but to call a child stupid, no. It is wrong, cruel and unjust.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

Penny, your thoughts are your own and so are mine hence we will not come to any sort of understanding on this point and it has nothing to do with being a parent or not. what chip on what shoulder? yeah right, I dont need u to be sorry for me, i was just giving my example coz i dont know how you were brought up nor any other person. The reason behind that being, i do not accept that calling your child stupid in any tone at any given time is all that bad either.

like i mentioned before and like you have repeated again, we do NOT know what the kid did, for the father to say something like this, sometimes a parent can snap and say hurtful things so what? Again i was giving you an example of how a child can forget the hurtful things said if later on the parent does something nice for them, and i'm sure no parent would stay mad at their child for long..you being a parent can back me up on that cant you?

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

I agree, those who have never been there 24/7 cannot comment! NOTE! I don't necessarily say parent!

Its easy enough to comment when one doesn't know the enormity, hell, I didn't, not being a great child person, but now the enormity of it all gets my back up when people who wouldn't know claim they know what its like!

I agree with all of your last post. Thanks.

Salam

In my family I was one of the last to have kids. All the years before that, I babysat and I looked after them when I could.

I used to think myself, why are they letting so and so do/eat/act like that. Never said anything of course. I was just the fun Aunty but I was very critical.

I then became a parent and did I have to backtrack and apologise.

I love all my family but now I can see why the parents acted the way they did.

I am sure they look at me with smugness and think suffer baithc (sic). Their kids are away now and mine are young.

We do change when we become parents. The struglle 24/7 is different to good old Aunty Penny being around and being fun. To, the sheer enormity of being a parent and all the emotions.

However, in my view, and it is only my view, it is wrong to call a child stupid and then compare. For me goes against good parenting.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

Some of us here maybe not parents, but they raise kids or around them constantly, those too need to learn how to treat a child, for as long as they're responsible for them.

Salam

mmm I'm no 'super nanny go to the corner darling until you've calmed down then we'll have psychotherapy' type of mother but this is just downright nasty and uncalled for.......I wonder what that child will grow up like?......I wonder......

yeah come back when you are a parent. Because when you do become a parent, you always take back what you said about other people and how they bring their kids up.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

Stigmatizing the kid by over-repeating words like stupid, fat, useless ..etc, certainly scar the kid for keeps.

Salam

there is nothing in the original thread that stated that the child had been naughty. There is nothing in the thread that says he then gave her an ice cream. None of us have ever said we discipline and then give a treat. Y

Even so, sorry to hear about how your mother treated you. Hence the chip on your shoulder I suspect.

Glad to hear you survived being compared to your elder sister. Glad YOU did not go to room and cry and GLAD you overcame that and YOU are happy with how you turned out.

Feel free to carry on with the cycle of comparison and knocking away at peoples self esteem.

I am sure when you have kids you will feel it perfectly ok to call your child 'stupid' and compare them.

I don't do that. My kids can be daft, they have in the past said things that have made my toes curl. They have been punished but NEVER once have I called them stupid or humiliated them or compared them.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

Yea exactly it's not so much what he said it was in what manner and the way he said it.

Children are like putty.

mmmm but my point is a parent should not use such a derogatory term and aim it directly at them personally! Ok, fine, I say, 'Don't be so stupid' but I would never say bla bla bla because you're stupid...there is a difference in the way its said and the tone. This it seemed, was aimed to degrade the child......not good...

Aww penny i'm sorry i'll go make some babies and then come comment on this topic if that makes u feel better wokay?

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

Ok so your saying that if your child does something "stupid" to may be embarrass you in public, you'll just sit tight? People have their own ways of correcting their own kids. When i was a kid, i didnt do as good as my elder sister in studies, she was this all rounder kid in school, took part in anything and everything, my mom used to always say things like you'll not be as good as her blah blah, but that only motivated me to do better, i didnt lock myself in my room feeling sorry for myself, and no i never once thought i was any less than her, and that only made me achieve more and i'm still not better than her nor do i want to me coz this is ME and i know what i'm capable of. You call a 9 yr old kid stupid and the next moment u give her a ice cream, what do u think she's going to remember more? Some parents have a funny way of dealing with their child, doesnt mean they love them any less, better or worse. THAT is my point.

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

So you are not even a parent?

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

he DID do something wrong. He called his child stupid. He made out they will never achieve. In most peoples minds that is WRONG. You do not get the best from ANYBODY, child or adult by comparing or humiliating them.

I am not saying the way I raise kids is a universal rule. I am just pointing out that I think anybody that condones a parent calling their child stupid is wrong.

There is nothing in the thread to say the poor kid had done something wrong.

Either way public humiliation of any child/adult is wrong.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

And no i wasen't condoning child hitting.. All i meant was the wooden spoon or smack when one is naughty, it's what i got so it's what i know, not that i'd do it to a kid, not that i'd even have kids.

lol alexa you'll be the first to know when i have kids, however i do remember a time when i was a kid :)

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

it is about how a parent brings up their own kid, and the fact that we all have our very own thoughts about how HE should have dealt with his child is in fact the topic of discussion here. You guys are making it sound like he committed a big crime or something lol WHATEVER!

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

Well smoke if we are questioning how a parent brings up their kid may as well leave the post. Cause that's what it's about ain't it?

my point is not only about sparing the rod, but at times u have to make sure that yes, mentally also your child is prepared to achieve something as good or better than your sibling. Kids who misbehave in public MUST be put straight in public so that they dont do it again. Now misbehaving is not the situation here, nor do we have any idea what the exact issue was for the dad to say something like that, but hey who the hell are YOU all to question the way a parent brings up their kid?

And pennypitstop you have a problem if i voice my opinion on the matter? Just coz you have your ways of dealing with your kids dont mean its a universal rule for every other parent. sheesh

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

Eh?

That's how it starts, from horse whip to a brick!

Salam

Not quite child beating, theres nothing wrong with the horse whip sometimes...never did anyone any harm!

Are you condoning child beating? please tell me not! please.

Salam

Smoke i think getting hit as a child for punishment is like yea i did somehting wrong, but being called stupid in a manor which suggests your not going anywhere in life and your sibling is better than you and that dad likes your sibbling more is the point.

first of all, a father not only called his child stupid, he actually made a point of saying also, that his work would never be the same.

Two insults in one sentence to a child. Not very good for self esteem is it?

Secondly, what a pity you found your voice. It may have been better for you to stay dumb than condone a father being horrible to their child.

I am not in favour of 'sparing the rod'. I discipline my children but I WOULD never call them stupid or ever say they are not capable of achieving things.

That is cruel and uncalled for.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

smoke...your story about 'Stupid' doesn't make any sense......

Your point is?......

hold on a sec, while i re read your post, mind telling us what exactly was the "thing" this 4 yr old was doing? From what i know kids can be the very jealous type and often try to do something to make the younger one look bad, perhaps the girl was just trying to get daddy's attention? or perhaps the daddy was just being nice to the little one, i mean seriously what was can a 4 yr old do that is so great to be compared to that of a 9 yr old huh?

And look at all of you saying things like "stupid" is a bad word, wtf? its parents like you that i'm sure spare the rod and spoil the kids!! When i used to go to church as a kid i would sit so quiet people thought i was dumb! and i see the kids in church these days screaming on top of their lungs, running around and the parents sit there like STUPID people. So dont give me that whole sensitive, child scaring pile of horse dung!

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

Lmao Dora.

I call my child silly but never stupid! Its an awful downgrading word....I find blithering idiot does the job without causing offence to my 3 year old...she just tells me to eff off so we're quits.....

Right, the father, in this thread, who called his kid "silly" or stupid" is an abuser and deserves the death penalty indeed.

Now I know why kids are sassier and ruder. They're the ones who’re actually calling their parents "stupid" all the time, indoors and out!

Kewl kiddos!

Salam

hey...i know...i cringed when i heard the dad say that...

.shoe, your thread is so funny yet true.

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.no wonder there are devilish children all around, because it just so happened that their father is Capital S-atan..

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were you ever hugged by your parents?duh.........

call a child stupid, even when you are angry. It is an abusive term.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

before you start asking me that please i BEG of you to read the whole post....duhhhh..........

or may thats what his Dad always told him

i agree that Dad's the one who proved himself to be stupid.

How could you hear the fathers comment through the thick glass window?

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Yea making your kid feel like he's a peice of [removed by mod] might not turn out well in the long run.

mj, i agree. just because the dad is ill-tempered doesn;t mean that he can just called his child stupid, whether in private or in public. no wonder lots of them grow up screwed. and ow, child abuse is not only physical. it could also be mental.

my parents never called us stupid and we, the kids, are not allowed to call each other stupid or any other derogatory word.

http://www.buhayqatar.com

mo lang!

In our home STUPID is considered a bad word and we never use it.I sometimes say something with the word in it and my child corrects me. We should ban the word.....

Happy Happy - I can't think of any context, in public or in private, where it would be excusable to call your child stupid.

I don't mind other parents calling their kids stupid. I don't do it to my son, but if others do it to theirs, it's just a bit less competition later in life for my boy ;)

If you believe all kids are created equal, barring a few outliers, then there has to be some method of creating the stupids. Inevitably, that's going to involve stupid parents, and maybe inept teachers too.

I see it as a way of distributing wealth more meritocratically. If every parent was perfect, the children of rich people would hang on to family wealth. If many parents are rubbish, the wealth gets spread around a bit better in the following generation.

Of course, this is compounded by the raising of children by maids from the poorest countries on earth, who often are illiterate in the parents' language. Parental abrogation goes hand-in-hand with the delegation of care to a non-family member.

And I've seen this in Western families too, who wouldn't dream in their home counties of ditching their parental responsibilities. Ho hum.

pm and happyhappy,for having both warm and sensitive sides.my admiration to both of you.

You're right, insulting a child publicly is an ultimate vice. They grow numb after a while. Not to mention you take away their self-esteem as they grow older.

In my family, as I was being brought up, the profound threat was when we're warned " you’ll be punished publicly, if you chose to ill- behave".

I don't recall once, any of my parents, ever raised their voice or laid a hand on us in front of any person, including close friends and immediate family.

But in the sanctity of our home, a lot of behaving was going on:((( outch!

Salam

you can probably tell the father of the 9 yr old child that is not a big deal to be called stupid in public.

oh dont make such a big fuss outta it, my parents used to tell me i'd never be as good as my sister too and see how well i tured out :p Its more like motivating your child to do better :D

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~SMoKE~[]_

You never were upset and called someone stupid silly! probably apologized right after?!

I'm not justifying the dad's manner, but I cannot call this child abuse!

Hello!

Father seems to be more st_pid I guess. People who are blessed with kids dont really know how big is this blessing. They should ask those who dont have.

Peace.

ill-tempered or not, you don't call your child stupid,... :/

The dad was probably short tempered because the child ill behaved or something. This line is de-contextualized, we cannot judge the man.

This is nothing near a father who hit (many times) and yelled at a little baby, almost a toddler, who was seated on the food table of a restaurant, because the angel touched the food plate being served hot!He was excited to see food, he must’ve been hungry.

I wanted to toss the hot food in the old man's face! But just couldn’t!