joke time
((((RING)))) (((RING)))
**Pick Up**
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"
There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely.
If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your system.
Send this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life. If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.
I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive, so I'm headed for the bar anyway. . . it never hurts to be safe.
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Appraisal letter :Awesome
Dear Manager (HR),
Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed - Project Leader
NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7,
9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him.
do it right - the first time!
just imagine...
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar at NY, drinking
>shot after shot
>The Indian man said to the American," You know my parents are forcing
>me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I
>haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to
>marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have
>a hell lot of family problems."
> The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my
>story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
>"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter
>and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's
>father-in-law.
>My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
>More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother
>and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
>Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
>Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
>And you say you have family problems.... Give me a break!!" dude...
do it right - the first time!
thats got my funny bone....loldo it right - the first time!
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
It was then that bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "
Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke, "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
lol. great one that
do it right - the first time!
are PMing for some more, here's one... :)
_____________________________
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She
gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he
arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to
hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is
full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her
hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman - clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is... I need you to give him a message," she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to
suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies
room."
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
enjoyd that 1
Bit of an oopps there
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Wrong number
"Drink Beer Save Water"