HELP.I'm American marrying Muslim in Qatar.

Who

People.. It's a Troll!

Chill..

PartGirl said she said she love him so ...

she said she love him so much.

so how can you guys say not to marry him?

Easy, a lot of us know Egyptians...... And what they are after. No offense, but who can blame them? Their country is sh. It. But to claim love???? doubtful.

its highly proven they marry and even have kids to make it easier to appear they " love" their wife just to get the passport then leave them.

As for your comment abt been-there-done-that,

You have only been here 3 days, so Who are you to assume?

Looks like she posted a relevant reply, doesn't seem fishy at all. It does take newbies time to get points, and most of us stick to guidelines and only post relevant messages, so perhaps that is why she posted on this post as it was relevant to her past, and she thought to share her experience.

Happy New Year

Is it mandatory to marry someone whom one loves?

How long has she been with him?

she said she love him so much.

so how can you guys say not to marry him ??

look like "Been-there-done-that" joined only to comment on this thread ;)

Thats fishy :P

coz they are true and there are many pitfalls in these mixed marriages. I don't think the pitfalls themselves are a reason to walk away, but I do think the fact that as a Muslim wife in Qatar or any Arab country u would lose some important rights and have to accept some things u probably don't want to accept, as a reason to strongly reconsider.

Mandilur gave u the best place to start and many of the questions u should be asking. And been-there-done-that speaks for every Western woman I know who married an Egyptian or North African.

One word: "bassbort". watch out

I also use photobucket but I don't have my laptop with me so I am using my iPad2 at the moment as I am travelling! when I get back I will have all my collections back on my laptop!

Another hijack! I hope you don't have a hijacker spray as well!

This poor American lady, she only came here to ask for an advice and yet she's getting bullied by judgemental people!

its just the passport they want..

the OP luks like a poor silly girl..

Is it passport or true love?

Inshallah it is real love that will last. But speaking from experience, i was in a 3 year marriage relationship with an Egyptian, he claimed it was true love, but 99% of Egyptians just want the passport out of the life they only dream they can have.

I did everything for him, respected him and his culture and religion. I changed all my ways for him, what did he change for me? Nothing.

It proved true in My case.... He's love words etc, was just smooth talker, i was no longer useful to him once we got moved back to my country..he got the passport and divorced me.

Becareful.

he is marrying u for a green card...

its good to convert to Islam as it is ur own wish or the 5th or 4th ammendment stuff of urs..

Think like this also,

what wud happen if Ur daughter would luv to marry a jew?? or a guy from any other religion.. Do u think ur new community is goin to allow that? All the comments welcoming u to Islam never works the Vice-versa lady...

in the Middle East for 9 years now, I know several American ladies (some Muslim converts, some not) that are happily married to Muslim Arab men--most for over 20 years now. BUT if a daughter, or close friend of mine asked the questions your have posed, I would say NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NOT, DO NOT MARRY HIM. There is no way in hell I could ever advise someone to risk taking a step in which eventually their children could be legally taken from them. Listen to Mandi, she had the best response.

That pic I found 'as it is' at random browsing few days back.

Yes, other times I use 'edit' option to match with the topic by adding text etc.

I save some intresting / humorous pics with a view to use later.

I mean the picture itself as I use photobucket too! :) You must have design it yourself out of bug killers can design right?

Apologised for the highjacking! :P

Repeat after me. My Mohamed is different, my Mohamed is different.

Dont assume all the husbands are like all of you :)

He will treat her like shyt...

From the Photobucket site ..

Good Luck !

Ops! double post!

where did you get that? :D

What makes you think she will be thrown out of discussions with her husband?

Why would you assume that her life is going to change unimaginable for the worst?

I have got the spray .. folks.

Replblican,

Falling in love is not brainwash.

trying to brain wash? LOL she had been already brain washed totally, couldn't you find out the symptoms? confusion! LMFAO

100th Post!

Do i detect a troll ?

you are American by citizen , don't worry about any legal issues here in Doha, this is the bottom line. regarding traditions and clothing and other Islamic requirements they come down to your preference .no one will force you and no one will tight your freedom just because you converted. in fact no one will know you are a Muslim if you do not inform them! you got my point?

just go ahead with your quest and if this marriage what makes both of you happy then do it and turn off your ears. if it doesn't work for any reason you still can claim your self. my advice to you is not relevant to your marriage.

read Islam from your heart and you will find happiness and sanctuary. don't do it because you want to marry. because you can marry as you are a christian of you want to.

may god bless you and show you the right path.

It seems as the goldiggers of the Philippines and Thailand hunt down western men it is the Arabs of North Africa and the levant than hunt out western women. Be careful, be very careful. It's not about the religion as you can always leave but why he wants to marry you. Is it passport or true love?

Agree with Tahsin

Britexpat I am quoting from her post above!

Which rights and freedoms ?

There are a lot of legal consequences in such a union. As you asked about legal changes. You want to keep your rights and freedom? or are you willing to give up those? The choice is yours!

tahisinmim...you missed two things:

1) You missed the word "generalisations" in my opening sentence.

2) Egyptians know 100% is your statement at 11:11 am. I got it from there, basically copy paste.

You are going back on your point 2 now. If what you say now is what you believe then what you said earlier is wrong and doesnt stand any ground cos as also stated by you, you know none of them and so how could you suggest the OP to talk to her would be to know things that she wants to know about.

mercurie ... u said it best...tht is the main aim...once they have the papers they gone

A mormon senator or congressman forgot which got busted for DUI in Washington...Had told previosly he doesn't drink...People are full of it...All religions...

There are pros and cons and if you believe the wrong person's advice you will end up taking the wrong decision for the rest of your life, sometimes people may advice you as they have the same situation it could be because she is lucky or not lucky at all!

Love is difficult to contradict! unless you try, you will never know your luck!

But who are we to confuse you? You are already confused enough!

Just be aware of the pros and cons and be smart and know your rights as a wife, if you decide to marry the guy!

HGL the Egyptians that I have come across in Qatar have definitely not impressed me so far.

Just observed a few generalisations as I passed by this thread and couldn't stop pointing them out:

1) "while one is revert and still studying islam and the other is born muslim and know 100%"...Really. I see even people who are admired to be best in knowledge (on QL) of the said religion are still in the process of learning.

2) "I would suggest OP to ask her future husband about the same because egyptian are very knowledgable when it comews to islam and i am sure he will answer you better.."...I thought it is prohibited to consume alcohol for them, but why do I have guys from there who shared an alcoholic drink with me. Not everyone can be considered as very knowledgeable I guess.

P.S.: I do not intend to participate here otherwise as I keep myself away from religion or religion based discussions.

with jet lag lol...

Hence the QL...

I am bored and can't sleep..

It is 1 AM new year here...

Are we now saying that we should just focus on the failures, rather than listening to those who are a success ?

lol... Vegas... Are you back home?

PartGirl, why do you think "Brin" is the best person here who can help?

Have a good life...Not...

"Brin" is the best person here who can help you. ignore others.

Im american and married my egyptian husband 6 years ago. Im christian and he is muslim. We have a child together and life is the absolute best.

Message me if u need to chat.

You can marry here at the egyptian embassy very easily. Just all papers need to be in order and it works perfectly.

But there are 1000's who are converted and happy.

tahsinmim, converting to islam or to any other religion doesn’t change your mentality overnight.

If in her family the decisions were always made based on her parents' mutual agreements since she was a child, it will be very difficult for her to be thrown out of discussions and to accept any decision made by her husband without listening to her opinion, or fully ignoring this opinion. She will feel humiliated. This is the way the mentality works.

And This is just a sample. There are hundreds of other differences which she will be going through on the daily basis. Trust me I know what I am talking about.

.

.

but who knows.. may be you will be the lucky one out of thousands...

PartGirl, no one in this thread has said they don't like her converting to Islam.

Some are highlighting of the baggage that comes along when you marry men from this part of the world.

There are many people in this thread who didnt like you converted. just ignore them.

OP clearly said she already converted to islam and she decided to marry this gentleman and she want raise their kids in islam. so there is no question of converting good or bad.

OP just need to know her rights, thats all.

The case I cited is unusual in that it is not the father taking the boy, it is his family who basically kidnapped him based on subterfuge.

mercurie, you said it..

MC, taking kids is normal. Woman cannot object it. I personally know one lady here in Qatar, who lost her hundreds of appeals in court.. the kids - the boy of 10y.o. and a girl of 7y.o. (!) were left with father.

Moreover, taking over the kids was clearly used for the purpose of avoiding any further support of this lady. So eventually a lady is kicked out of the house, left without any support (while the husband has quite impressive income), and the kids are taken away.

Once divorced, you cannot claim any part of the common belongings for yourself. The only ‘settlement’ you can count on is the one written down in your marriage contract. So.. do not be shy, eh!

Google is your friend in need:) search in google with tags like 'American woman marry Arab' etc etc..I am afraid you will not find very encouraging news..

I do not know any of the concerned parties, so cannot be a judge of this.. but men from these parts are desperate for an American/ Euro union passport, and do not care much about the ethics of how to obtain one..

I would suggest you contact someone, preferably a female, near you now who has already done what you plan to do. While they probably can't comment on marrying an Egyptian national and taking up residency in Qatar, they would be able to address some of your questions, having lived it themselves.

Perhaps the local mosque has some sort of social aspect for those new to Islam.

As for being here in Qatar - Mandi covered most of the basics. There is a an ongoing case (years) here of a British woman whose son was taken by his father's (father was killed in an accident) family and they are refusing to return him to his mother. An extreme case? Yes, certainly. But also indicative of what might happen.

based on my own experience, Khanan. but hey, deleted. to avoid a killing fight here on QL.

but anyway you cannot deny it. we both know that.

rights?

Qatar? Moving to Egypt? From the USA??? it's up to you

real Islam-Phobic on the site.

based on what media thought them.

Good 1

You get involved with that, bad things will begin to happen.

You should not give up your own American values, if you are REAL?

Knight I echo ur views....nd yes I am male 2

So you have given up your faith for a man you love! Did you ever ask him if he could do the same for your love? That would be perhaps the first thing you should have assured yourself of.

You say you have converted to Islam but you are still learning about your new faith, culture and social norms in the Arab world! I would say you got the order wrong!

Again, people speak highly of love in novels and poems but practically love is transitory or one can say it goes through many highs and lows with time. I am a male so I don't trust males in this regard!! What if life compelled you to come out of it and start afresh?

For the present you will have to comply with all those formalities that Mandy has just listed. I would advise you to listen to her and not get carried by the pep talk of others.

Taking up another religion for lack of understanding of your own religion and confusion is known as Conversion Tah. Not Reversion :)

@BB: Peace be upon you as well.

@tahsinmim: Istekhara has nothing to do with your sins. Istekhara is like taking the advise of Allah for anything you are planning to do.

Please read more here: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/2217/istikhara

Tah - 'Revert'!!???? Or Convert????

Yasir - You mistook both my points. Anyways, peace be upon you and have a great year ahead.

Lizzie - An Egyptian living in Qatar is same as any other national living here. The rights of expats is curtailed and the expat wives are on the sponsorship of the husband. Everything you do here is tied to your husbands sponsorship which is in turn tied to his job. Incase of loss of job, you go back to the husband's homecountry. Now how interesting would it be for you to spend the rest of your life in the land of pharaohs is upto you to decide.

If you start work here, you will have financial limitations. Your employer will not provide any Housing Allowance or Transport as you would be under your husband's sponsorship and not under the company sponsorship. Some companies do not providde private Health Insurance to people not under their sponsorship.

You will need your husband's approval for practically everything you do here.

Take your relationship to the next level only if you love him as much as Juliet loved Romeo. Otherwise, find an American and live happily ever after in US of A!

@BB: An American wife, here in Qatar, will also be sponsored by her husband and all the rules will equally apply to her.

You are in great illusion that ALL American wives "live happily ever after"....

@Lizzie: To make a marriage successful it needs mature behavior from both ends. Tolerance is the key. You, because of the cultural differences, are in a bit of difficult situation.

So, in my opinion, it is about the person you are getting married to and not the religion (that much).

Besides, there is a saying of our prophet (paraphrasing) that marriage can happen because of these things 1)Piety 2) Beauty 3) Wealth 4)Status. The best of these is when done because of Piety.

I am a strong believer that Allah put love and affection between the hearts of husband and wife.

My last advise to you perform istekhara in all the big matters of life and marriage is one of the biggest matter of life. Perform istekhara and then move forward according to it's results. InshaAllah, it will be better for you and Allah will help you in whatever path you will turn to.

If you want, PM me. I will give you my wife's number for you to talk to, if you like. She will better explain you your rights in Islam as wife.

Qui...u living in a dream world if u think love will carry u thro, how in heavens name can ppl think tht way...love has neva paid my bills...love has neva assisted any1 in a court case when ur dignity is at stake or whether u can have ur children or not.....love has neva stopped woman being abused in marriages....Yes it plays a part but it is overrated.

a Happy married life.

as Quixote said,

'if it is really love, it will carry you through.'

There will a sea change in the circumstances when on job living in a foreign metro city and one's own native place ..

You will have to admit it.

Oh Dear, shouldn't you have thought of this before? However, if it is really love, it will carry you through. My best wishes

Mandilulur has given you the best answer so far. Just a few things to consider, both of you are not citizen of this country, if he looses his job he will need to go back to Egypt. Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with him in Egypt?

This issue is not about being a Muslim, you can be a Muslim and live in any part of the world. The question here is are you willing to commit to something that may lead to a lot of complication in the future. The choice is yours!

This is just one of the scenario to consider!

Welcome to islam, you have chosen a right path, i am sure yours and my allah will never let you down. The path you have chosen is the path where you can sacrifice anything, even your husband if he does non islamic deeds. Good Luck. Welcome to islam.

a

Dupe post

Great, everyone who has posted an answer is male, except for Fatimah. Well, Lizzie, here's my 2 cents. You will be subject to the laws of the country in which you reside in terms of marriage, divorce, child custody, inheritance, finance, employment, etc. You will need your husband's permission to work. Your husband has the legal right to take another wife. He would be granted custody of any children in case of a divorce dispute. He would need to have his sponsor's permission to sponsor you in Qatar, otherwise you cannot live here. He is not automatically eligible to even visit the US. Your marriage needs to be attested by the US Embassy. And that's just off the top of my head. I think you need to speak with the US Department of State and a good international lawyer. You're absolutely right to do your homework. This isn't about love or religion, it's all about the laws of the country in which you live.

Mandi

Run and dont look back. your not ready for marriage. These are questions for your husband to be and if you are in doubt dont do it. And if you become a muslim you do it for yourself , you dont convert to marry someone. This is why you are scared, because if you have truly embraced Islam you wouldnt be scared.

It comes down to how much you love him and to what extend you are willing to sacrifice for your level.

Also, it comes down to him and your alignment on what the allowables/ not allowables are.

Finally, i have a hard time believing this is a true story.

Good luck.

Sister Lizzie,

Everybody has hard times and it drive them go eccentric ! Have a nice time ! Enjoy it. You are one out of million ! Congratulations !

Sister in Islam,

Allah gave women some magic nature that you can attract to man. and your man surely if you obey and fulfill his rights, Allah will help you and you will have a happy life with him insha Allah.

but patient is very important as well. and destiny is there. but we will pray for you and dont worry for marraige and have that amizing live.

As much as you learn islam life is as much as you control and take your husband's heart.

Allahu A'lam.

" but it is true women get abused in Islam "..

Rather a sweeping and untrue statement. However, i don't want to take the thread off at a tangent.

I hope the OP is real and not a troll and I too agree that perhaps she should have a word with FathimaH, rather than asking advice here on a public forum..

Good luck to her..

Don't listen to these prejudgment saying that Islam abuses women . women in Islam have the right to work study and do whatever she wants as she respect islam laws and as she don't be a "fitnah " to others .

MASHAH ALLAH...GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU,BECOME MUSLIM...!

NOW YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS FOR ALLAH! HE WILL GIVE EVERYTHING BE EASY AND COMFIRTABLE FOR YOU...PRAY ALWAYS.....FOR ALL MUSLIMS AND YOU!

ALL BAD THINGS THAT COME FOR YOU BEFORE NEVER COME AGAIN....INSHAH ALLAH!

WE WILL PRAY FOR YOU ALSO!

IF ANY HELP MY SIDE CALL:77119394

Listen to Fatima she speaks sense...........

edited!

Thank you for your advice. I am not worried about my actions or abilities as a wife I am very selfless and passionate about everything that I do. In addition my empathy and open mindedness allow me to maintain good family relationships. I am only concerned about the things that I cannot control, the actions of others. I need knowledge to be a better wife as well as a better Muslim woman. I also want to be prepared for the many changes I face, if I go into this with ignorance I believe that we are destined to fail.

The rights of the husband upon his wife are greater than the rights of the wife upon her husband for the simple reason that Allaah, the Almighty, stated in the Glorious Quran what means: “…And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allaah is Exalted in Might and Wise." [Quran 2: 228]

Man is the caretaker of his wife and household. He is responsible for all her affairs. He is responsible for training, direction and discipline if needed. Allaah Almighty Says what means: “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth…” [Quran 4:34]

It is an essential right of man over his wife to be obeyed so long as his commands do not conflict or contradict the commands of Allaah, the Almighty, Allaah’s Messenger and the general teachings and codes of ethics of Islam.

Allaah Almighty Says in the same verse mentioned above (what means): "...But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.." [Quran 4:34]

A Muslim wife must protect her husband’s secrets, privacies, honor and dignity. She also must protect his wealth, children, finance, belongings and other aspects of his household, as much as possible.

Allaah Almighty Says in the same verse (what means): "...So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allaah would have them guard..." [Quran 4:34]

Allaah's Messenger said: "The wife is the guardian over the house of her husband and his children." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

And, “If I were to command a single person to bow in prostration to another person, I could have commanded a woman to bow down (in obedience and respect, not in worship) to her husband.” [Abu Daawood]

Allaah’s Messenger also said: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed, but the latter refused to fulfill the call (for any reason other than a lawful one), which drives the man to become upset with his wife, then angels will curse such a wife until she gets up in the morning.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

He furthermore, said: "Their (husbands') rights over you (wives) is that you do not allow anyone whom they dislike onto your bedding and you do not allow anyone whom they dislike into your house." [At-Tirmithi]

The wife must not leave the house except with her husband's permission and approval. She must also lower her gaze, keep her voice low, keep her hands from reaching out to anything evil and keep her tongue from any lewd or foul speech. She also must not harm his parents or near relatives.

This is because Allaah Almighty has said (what means): "And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance...." [Quran 33:33]

Allaah Almighty also has said (what means): "...Do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech." [Quran 33:32]

In another verse, Allaah Sayas (what means): "And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof..." [Quran 24:31]

Allaah's Messenger said: "The best woman is the one who when you look at her, you are pleased; when you order her, she obeys; if you are absent from her, she guards herself and your property." [At-Tabarani]

An other right of the husband over his wife is that the husband may ask his wife not do something, including, but not limited to voluntary acts of worship, other than obligatory, which cause her to lessen the time that her husband may have to enjoy her.

Allaah’s Messenger stated: “A wife is not allowed to observe fast (other than fasting in the month of Ramadhaan, the prescribed, unless she has his permission. She may not allow any one to come into his house, unless he permits.” [At-Tirmithi]

Moreover, Allaah’s Messenger placed the satisfaction and pleasure of a husband to be one of the reasons to enable the wife to enter Paradise.

At-Tirmithi reported from Umm Salamah, the mother of the believers that Allaah’s Messenger said: “Any woman whose husband dies while he is pleased, happy and satisfied with her (acts, attitudes and behavior) will enter Jannah (Paradise).”

These are but few items of the many rights that Islam, the religion of truth, imposes upon those who commit themselves to follow and practice it as a way of life. We vividly see that such rights, if maintained properly, will lead a society to peace, happiness and tranquility.

A husband becomes caring, affectionate, loving and responsible, yet directing and capable of discipline when needed to improve a troublesome situation, regardless of his tender care and love for his wife, so that vise and wickedness will not spread in the society.

A wife becomes more respected, adored, cared for, highly needed and appreciated if she respects the rights of her husband, and equally given the rights she is entitled for by Islam.

In such a coherent way, the religion of truth, goodness, justice, equity, and all fairness coincide with basic requirements of life including harmony between all the members of the society, especially between the husband and the wife

PM is private mail and I tend to agree with shafika....u r questioning for ur safety and tht means 1 thing u have doubts

Check your inbox!

Dear sister....alhamdulillah you embraced Islam.Remember rights comes with duties.in Islam there are various rights given to women but nevertheless there are duties too,of a wife towards her husband.you are yet to get married and you are enquiring about rights to keep yourself safe....am not demoralising you but it would be better if you find how to keep a good family relationships. Best wishes,may allahs grace be on you...

what is PM

Women have been entrusted by Allah (SWT) with the task of providing a peaceful, comfortable home environment for the breadwinner who works for their provisions outside the home all day long.

It is one of the extraordinary beauties of Islam that by entrusting the male to the position of protector and provider, it frees the woman, who is burdened with the long cycle of bearing, giving birth to, nursing and raising children, from having to assume the extra burden of her own and her children’s support, which is unjust and a tremendous hardship.

While a woman must obey her husband, as long as he does not ask anything forbidden of her, and guard his possessions while he is away from the house, and handle his money as he wishes, she must also be faithful, trustworthy and honest.

A wife is regarded as a source of love, peace and compassion, as stated in the Quran:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them , and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Ar-Rum 30:21)

"…But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear…" (Al-Baqarah 2:233)

"’O Messenger of Allah (SAW), what right can a wife demand of her husband?’ He replied, ‘that you should give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, not strike her on the face, and do not insult her or separate form her except in the house.’" (Reported by Ahmad, Ibn Majah and Abu Dawud)

"A woman came to the Prophet (SAW) complaining of her husband, ‘Messenger of Allah (SAW), Abu Sufyan is a niggardly man who does not give me and my son enough; except what I take from him without his knowledge.’ He replied, ‘Take what is enough for you and your son according to what is ma’roof (well-known in your society).’" (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Good Treatment, Condideration and Companionship

Allah (SWT) instructs men that they must be compassionate and kind to their wives:

"…They are Libas [i.e. body cover, or screen or Sakah, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her as in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabari], for you and your are the same for them…" (Al Baqarah 2:187)

"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created form him his wife (Eve), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her…" (Al-A’raf 7:189)

This meaning that a wife and a husband are meant for mutual support, mutual comfort, and mutual protection of each other.

The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) also emphasized the importance of this compassionate treatment:

"I command you to treat women kindly. Woman has been created from a rib (the rib is crooked), and the most crooked part of the rib is the upper region. If you try to make it straight you will break it, and if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So treat women kindly." (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) also said:

"The best of you are those who are best to the women." (Sahih At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Al-Jami Al-Saker)

The best husband is one who provides her with true leadership without harshness, or laxness, and who does not misuse his authority and strength. Even if the behavior of a wife should become hard to live with (for she may not always be in strong health and of cheery disposition), the man is asked to be patient and kind to her. Allah (SWT) says:

"O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr (dowry, bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good." (An-Nisa’ 4:19)

A wife has the right to her husband’s attention, companionship and time. The husband should try to please and make her happy, taking into consideration her needs, wishes, likes and dislikes, and making time for relaxation and recreation together.

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said,

"Among the Muslims, the most perfect as regards his faith is the one whose character is most excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well." (At-Tirmidhi)

"A believer must not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another." (Sahih Muslim)

"Woman has been created from a rib and in no way will be straight for you; so if you enjoy her you will do so while crookedness remains in her; but if you try to straighten her you will break her; breaking her being divorcing her." (Sahih Muslim)

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The Right to Adequate Sexual Relations

Since the purpose of marriage is to be a mutual source of comfort, peace, and enjoyment for each other, like a garment that protects and cover, the sexual aspect of marriage is an extension of this. The husband is asked to be gentle, considerate and loving with his wife, and to try to satisfy her needs. The wife must reserve herself exclusively for her husband, and make efforts to be attractive, as well as making herself available to him whenever he is in need of her. This latter obligation also applies to the husband. In Islam, any sexual relations are reserved EXCLUSIVELY for the confines of marriage. Both husband and wife are also obligated to honor the privacy of the intimate relations between them, and should not speak of them to anyone. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:

"Verily among the worst people before Allah on the Day of Judgment is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." (Sahih Muslim)

Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:

"…And live with them honorably…" (An-Nisa’ 4:19)

The wife has right over her husband. The husband should play with his wife.

"The Prophet (SAW) was told about one of his Sahaba (Companions) that he fasts in the daytime and prays at night, the Prophet (SAW) told him that his family has right over him, his body has right over him, pray and sleep, fast and then break the fast." (Ibn Hibban)

The Prophet (SAW) also declared that having sexual intercourse with one’s wife is like giving charity. It is very important to play and sport with one’s wife before having sex, as the Prophet (SAW) told Jabir,

"Why did you not marry a virgin, with whom you could play and who would play with you?" (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

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The Right Not To Be Beaten

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) specifically said,

"Do not beat the female servants of Allah." (Abu Dawud)

Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:

"…As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great." (An-Nisa’ 4:34)

The Prophet (SAW) said:

"When one of you inflicts a beating, he should avoid striking the face."

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The Right to Be Just With All the Wives

The Prophet (SAW) said,

"When a man has two wives and does not treat them equally he will come on the Day of Resurrection with a side hanging down." (At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud)

The wives have the right to equal number of nights and equal amount of wealth.

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The Right to Learning Matters of the Deen

A husband’s duty is to teach his wife the essential knowledge of Islam, in particular matters pertaining to women. If he does not know himself, then he must buy her books and tapes that would teach her or let her go to study circles where she can acquire that knowledge. She can not leave the house without his permission, but she can go to the Masjid (Mosque) without his permission. He has no right to stop her from that. Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said,

"Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from visiting the mosques of Allah, but they may go out (to the mosque) having not perfumed themselves." (Ahmad and Abu Dawud)

"…Their houses are better for them." (Abu Dawud)

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The Right to Be Jealously Defended

This includes not letting her leave the house without proper hijab, or not letting her freely intermingle with men. The Prophet (SAW) has said that a ‘dayooth’ (a man who is not jealous about his honor) will not enter Paradise.

Now this does not mean that the husband is permitted to go to the extreme in this matter. Such matters may be as follows:

· Not letting one’s wife go out of the house EVEN when it is safe to do so.

· Not letting one’s wife answer the phone.

· Not allowing wife to go to hospital when she is sick.

Women have been entrusted by Allah (SWT) with the task of providing a peaceful, comfortable home environment for the breadwinner who works for their provisions outside the home all day long.

It is one of the extraordinary beauties of Islam that by entrusting the male to the position of protector and provider, it frees the woman, who is burdened with the long cycle of bearing, giving birth to, nursing and raising children, from having to assume the extra burden of her own and her children’s support, which is unjust and a tremendous hardship.

While a woman must obey her husband, as long as he does not ask anything forbidden of her, and guard his possessions while he is away from the house, and handle his money as he wishes, she must also be faithful, trustworthy and honest.

A wife is regarded as a source of love, peace and compassion, as stated in the Quran:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them , and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Ar-Rum 30:21)

"…But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear…" (Al-Baqarah 2:233)

"’O Messenger of Allah (SAW), what right can a wife demand of her husband?’ He replied, ‘that you should give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, not strike her on the face, and do not insult her or separate form her except in the house.’" (Reported by Ahmad, Ibn Majah and Abu Dawud)

"A woman came to the Prophet (SAW) complaining of her husband, ‘Messenger of Allah (SAW), Abu Sufyan is a niggardly man who does not give me and my son enough; except what I take from him without his knowledge.’ He replied, ‘Take what is enough for you and your son according to what is ma’roof (well-known in your society).’" (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Good Treatment, Condideration and Companionship

Allah (SWT) instructs men that they must be compassionate and kind to their wives:

"…They are Libas [i.e. body cover, or screen or Sakah, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her as in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabari], for you and your are the same for them…" (Al Baqarah 2:187)

"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created form him his wife (Eve), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her…" (Al-A’raf 7:189)

This meaning that a wife and a husband are meant for mutual support, mutual comfort, and mutual protection of each other.

The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) also emphasized the importance of this compassionate treatment:

"I command you to treat women kindly. Woman has been created from a rib (the rib is crooked), and the most crooked part of the rib is the upper region. If you try to make it straight you will break it, and if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So treat women kindly." (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) also said:

"The best of you are those who are best to the women." (Sahih At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Al-Jami Al-Saker)

The best husband is one who provides her with true leadership without harshness, or laxness, and who does not misuse his authority and strength. Even if the behavior of a wife should become hard to live with (for she may not always be in strong health and of cheery disposition), the man is asked to be patient and kind to her. Allah (SWT) says:

"O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr (dowry, bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good." (An-Nisa’ 4:19)

A wife has the right to her husband’s attention, companionship and time. The husband should try to please and make her happy, taking into consideration her needs, wishes, likes and dislikes, and making time for relaxation and recreation together.

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said,

"Among the Muslims, the most perfect as regards his faith is the one whose character is most excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well." (At-Tirmidhi)

"A believer must not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another." (Sahih Muslim)

"Woman has been created from a rib and in no way will be straight for you; so if you enjoy her you will do so while crookedness remains in her; but if you try to straighten her you will break her; breaking her being divorcing her." (Sahih Muslim)

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The Right to Adequate Sexual Relations

Since the purpose of marriage is to be a mutual source of comfort, peace, and enjoyment for each other, like a garment that protects and cover, the sexual aspect of marriage is an extension of this. The husband is asked to be gentle, considerate and loving with his wife, and to try to satisfy her needs. The wife must reserve herself exclusively for her husband, and make efforts to be attractive, as well as making herself available to him whenever he is in need of her. This latter obligation also applies to the husband. In Islam, any sexual relations are reserved EXCLUSIVELY for the confines of marriage. Both husband and wife are also obligated to honor the privacy of the intimate relations between them, and should not speak of them to anyone. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:

"Verily among the worst people before Allah on the Day of Judgment is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." (Sahih Muslim)

Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:

"…And live with them honorably…" (An-Nisa’ 4:19)

The wife has right over her husband. The husband should play with his wife.

"The Prophet (SAW) was told about one of his Sahaba (Companions) that he fasts in the daytime and prays at night, the Prophet (SAW) told him that his family has right over him, his body has right over him, pray and sleep, fast and then break the fast." (Ibn Hibban)

The Prophet (SAW) also declared that having sexual intercourse with one’s wife is like giving charity. It is very important to play and sport with one’s wife before having sex, as the Prophet (SAW) told Jabir,

"Why did you not marry a virgin, with whom you could play and who would play with you?" (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Right Not To Be Beaten

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) specifically said,

"Do not beat the female servants of Allah." (Abu Dawud)

Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:

"…As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great." (An-Nisa’ 4:34)

The Prophet (SAW) said:

"When one of you inflicts a beating, he should avoid striking the face."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Right to Be Just With All the Wives

The Prophet (SAW) said,

"When a man has two wives and does not treat them equally he will come on the Day of Resurrection with a side hanging down." (At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud)

The wives have the right to equal number of nights and equal amount of wealth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Right to Learning Matters of the Deen

A husband’s duty is to teach his wife the essential knowledge of Islam, in particular matters pertaining to women. If he does not know himself, then he must buy her books and tapes that would teach her or let her go to study circles where she can acquire that knowledge. She can not leave the house without his permission, but she can go to the Masjid (Mosque) without his permission. He has no right to stop her from that. Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said,

"Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from visiting the mosques of Allah, but they may go out (to the mosque) having not perfumed themselves." (Ahmad and Abu Dawud)

"…Their houses are better for them." (Abu Dawud)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Right to Be Jealously Defended

This includes not letting her leave the house without proper hijab, or not letting her freely intermingle with men. The Prophet (SAW) has said that a ‘dayooth’ (a man who is not jealous about his honor) will not enter Paradise.

Now this does not mean that the husband is permitted to go to the extreme in this matter. Such matters may be as follows:

· Not letting one’s wife go out of the house EVEN when it is safe to do so.

· Not letting one’s wife answer the phone.

· Not allowing wife to go to hospital when she is sick.

From what I am trying to understand a lot of my freedom is depending on what my husband will accept and he and I have discussed this very extensively. I am very aware that I will sacrifice some of the freedom that I have been accustomed to, but I also know that I have rights. I want to be modest. I want to respect him. I want to raise our children in Islam. But I also want to understand. He is aware that I look for knowledge and this knowledge will help me become a better Muslim woman and help us have a strong lasting marriage. But this awareness does not mean that I am not still at a loss for information or resources, It does not mean that I am not afraid.

u must be an obedient wife

Please check your PM.

U have mail

Qamaran, so wht do muslim men sacrifice...tht sounds so like enslaving don't u think???

Good to become muslim, and as a muslim woman you have to sacrifies for your freely freedom life, and many more things now you on binding and you have to accept it as a muslim woman.

thanks, and sorry for my misunderstanding. I just jumped into a forum and posted.

First of all a toasty warm Welcome to QL! Hope you enjoy your time here and in Qatar.

With regards to your opening queries, though they are excellent questions, they don't belong in the main forum due to the QL guidelines rule no.8:

"Threads about religion should be posted only in the Religious Teachings group, where all are welcome to further others understanding and have discussions.."

Hence I advice you to please join the RT group and re-post your question there so we can all contribute and share ideas.

With regards to your want for American friends, then I can surely help you out here. Will PM you the details shortly.

Thank you, I have read my rights in Islam and know the guidelines set forth in regards to the other questions. I am just worried that the leniency I am given now and the compromises that he and I have discussed are going to change after the legal marriage is completed. I have already talked to him about my concerns but i just wanted an outsiders point of view. Insha Allah I will die happily married to this man but what is written and what is intended are often different than what reality holds... do you understand>?

In addition to this concern I have found that when iI have visited that I am very alone and isolated besides his friends. I want to make friends with Qatari residents as well as other Americans. Any Idea where to begin to establish relationships.

Thanks to Allah who guides you and gave you this chance to be Queen Muslim Women.

I am so happy to hear that you converted to Islam and this is really a gift from Allah.

Regarding your marriage, if you dont mind may I say to you congratulation in Advance and I will pray you and the man to have happy live ever.

Islam Give a right to each muslim women that man doesn't have.

regarding dressing,Travelling,working and so on, Islam give a clear principle and law on this.

you can get amore details, like books or CDs in Fanar or Awqaf (ministry of Islamic Affairs).

if you cant get, reach me on 33323519, I will help you as you are a Sister in Islam or you can ask that your future husband.

Salaama.

thank you for your reply. I do trust him and know we are perfect for each other and he will not intentionally cause me to need legal help. But I do say this, life happens and you cannot predict or control someones actions or change of heart so I was looking for answers to protect myself and just know my rights and what to expect if something were to change in our plan. The only thing that can be guaranteed in life is change and I would like to be prepared for it.

I have been to the Fanar several times, but I am currently in America and soon after i return there to Qatar we will marry so I was trying to get information about the worst case scenario in the event that things don't work out. Before I return for my wedding. I really need advice and knowledge and when I do websearches the stories are so negative that if I reflect on them I will skip the wedding.

Dear Sister in Islam,

By will of Almighty Allah you will get peace and happiness. Dont worry you will enjoy your life in Islam.

sister Lizzie please have a look at this link, you will find the answer

sheikh yusuf estes telling you your situation as a woman in Islam

visit to FANAR

without knowing too much about you or your exact situation, all i'll say is this..if in your heart, you fully know this man to be a good human being, to be the sort of person who will never put you in a position to need your rights, who you trust with all your heart, who's eyes you can look into and see only truth and devotion; then in that case you don't need to worry about anything else..i know my reply sounds very dreamy and idealistic, but I truly believe that all you need is to make sure that this man is truly what you see him to be..best of luck and i pray you find happiness with him:-)