Funny!

You have got to read this in its entirety. . . . it is absolutely
hysterical!! It is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi
Aarons, Austin TX, regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'?
I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month' is starting right
now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll
be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills'.

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo.' Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness and cramping we endure and about our intense mood
swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written
by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants which brings me to the reason
for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy
Period.'

Are you f**king kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain
really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible
during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M
freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to
jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just
so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something
that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular
Manslaughter Is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending B.S.
And that's a promise I will keep! Always!

Best, Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX