A Few Irish Jokes...
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
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An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
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Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
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Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor.
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Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
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A Donegalman rushed into a barber's shop with a pig under his arm.
"Where did you get that?" asked the barber.
"I won him in a raffle," said the pig.
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Paddy stopped cutting the hedge as the big car drew up beside him and an English visitor enquired,
"Could you tell me the way to Balbriggan, Please?"
Paddy wiped his brow.
"Certainly, sor. If you take the first road to the left… no still that wouldn't do… drive on for about four miles then turn left at the crossroads… no that wouldn't do either."
Paddy scratched his head thoughtfully.
"You know, sor, if I was going to Balbriggan I wouldn't start from here at all."
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"Tell me, Patrick, how did you manage to get so very drunk last night?" asked the parish priest.
"Well you see, Father, it was like this. I got into very bad company after winning a bottle of whiskey at a raffle."
"But you were with Mick Mulligan, Sean O'Toole, and Peter Ryan and they don't drink."
"Dat's what I mean, Father..."
