Confused..

I like to talk about the exhilaration, the sublime pleasure, and the adrenaline rush I get from being able to go to exotic places, meet wonderful people and eat blow-your-doors-off food, as I set out on this journey of the mind, it would seem like a self-gratifying lifestyle with unbridled opportunities.
Well, at this point, I felt privileged. I had achieved so far almost anything I had dreamt of. But like everything else in life…material wealth is fleeting. The ephemeral pleasure brought upon by short term gains had for a moment passed by enabled living like a king.
Nevertheless, I've been constrained on more than one occasion to walk away from prison-like life situation here. As much as I wrestle myself away from social constraints and expectations, it continues to haunt me. Often times, I catch myself wandering into negative thinking...a 'bum' who should be doing the 9 - 5 like everybody else... un-ambitious for not implementing his vision for making more money...too here-and-now, he has no plan for his future, etc. If I don't catch myself early enough, this negativity gets the better of me and leaves me with a sense of falsehood without a sense of bearing.
Like a wrongly-accused defendant in front of a judge, I'd snap back with a rebuttal...all within my head - it can't be! I've done the whole 9 yards and paid my dues - graduate on time, do the 9 - 5 climbing the corporate ladder, marry, kids, live and work abroad, humble abode in the subs, clumped snow in Mt. Fuji’s peak, sown the seeds that grow and covered the balcony in summer, gained open water diving license after 2 dives, finished a marathon, etc. I've already earned my stripes and enjoying my freedom at least for the moment. At this point, I already know what I want from life...and no Pontius Pilate can tell me otherwise.
Instead of a loss, I found the experience empowering. I dreamt of learning to walk away from money and earthly possessions, from relationships, religion, long-cherished beliefs and lucrative opportunities. I'd like to think my freedom lies in pure detachment. Most people carry a baggage that leave them leashed to where they are. I call that being enshrined in a gilded cage. Unbridled opportunities - because I made a conscious decision to make it so...opening my mind to things unfamiliar and ever-so-hungry to learn from those who'd been there. Money plays a very minor role, contrary to what most people think.
On second thought … is money really everything?