Actual Housing Complaints
These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and Housing associations throughout the UK:Â Â
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.Â
 3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.Â
 4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.Â
 5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.Â
 6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant? Â
7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy. Â
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Â
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour and not fit to drink. Â
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. Â
11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me. Â
12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. Â
13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it. Â
14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. Â
15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. Â
16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have had no satisfaction. Â
17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus in it.
18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more. Â
none of them are true
You should hear some of the requests they used to ask!!!!
Taking a leaf out of sammie's book, the following is a list of actual comments made by teachers on report cards in New York City.
All the teachers were reprimanded.
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold
it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice
a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat
out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
LOL, that is hilarious. :D
LOL Sammie thanks a lot! And some people here complain about our English language skills :P
Heheheh.
I am actually about to write a letter to the manager here to have some things done in my house.
Thanks for making me go through the list again to make sure not to make him laugh the rest of the day.
Camilla