I would like you to share a joke from hometown that you really enjoyed when you were growing up. This has to be a cultural joke from your native country or place where you really belong. A joke that you think, may not exist in other languages/ cultures/ countries.
Quite understand you...Irish & Ireland!! Less than 1% of EU's population played chess with European reconstruction for one year...The "Celtic Tiger" finally voted the Lisbon Treaty...but under their conditions, of course!
For instance, a few weeks ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the Irish jokes we knew; It was great.
Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey You, I'm Irish and I don't like you telling all those Irish jokes!"
So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against anyone in Ireland."
"My mother is in Ireland!" He screams, and pulls out a razor.
Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me if he had found a place to plug it in.
Humour - transcends national boundaries and languages :O)
On the border of Russia and Poland there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Russian farmer, while the other half belongs to a Polish man.
One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Russian man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Polish neighbor.
"There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest."
"How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Polish farmer asked.
"Well," the Russian replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped."
Recently, we were in the hospital, family member was sick. Our house helper stays with us. One night, i told her i will sleepover in my friend's room in the same hospital but on the other floor. I instructed if in case of emergency, just dial and call me thru 815. she suddenly asked carefully, 8---1---5? does it start with 8? LMAO! everyone was laughing in the room.
Sipho's very pregnant sister was in a car accident. Upon her coming out of the coma, she immediately asked about her unborn child.
The doctor congratulated her on having twins, and assured her that all was well.
Well then, where are my babies she asked.
Well your brother Sipho has them with him, and he also gave them names for their christening.
The woman was horrified, as she new that Sipho was not the most clever person on the block. Just then Sipho walked in with the 2 babies and handed them to her.
She looked at the girl and hesitantly asked Sipho - What is her name Sipha.
Denise he answered smiling from ear to ear.
Well that is a good name the woman thought, obviously expecting something much worse from Sipho.
A Cuban, a Scot, a Mallu, and a Qatari are sharing a carriage on a train.
The Cuban lights up this enormous Cuban cigar. About 12
inches long, worth about 800 pound.
Takes one short drag from it and flings the cigar out the window.
The other three look at him in amazement and ask why he just threw out a full Cuban cigar.
He replies, "I'm from Cuba, I have thousands of those things back home"
A few minutes later the Scot pulls out a litre bottle of Bells,Whiskey, a 50 years old bottle, worth a fortune. He takes a short measure glass, half fills it, knocks it back and flings the remainder of the bottle out the window.
The other three in shock, ask him why he just threw away a near full bottle of fine malt Scottish whiskey,
he replies, "I'm Scottish, I have thousands of those things at home".
A few minutes later, the Qatari throws the Mallu out the window.
3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scottish, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Irish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
God was floating above the Earth with Saint Peter by His side. He had the Horn of Abundance in His hand and from the Horn He was pouring wealth and riches to the peoples of the world. You could see Him dropping a gold mine here, an oil field there, a beautiful landscape over some other place. But at some point, God tried to make a really tight turn, He lost balance, and He dropped the Horn of Abundance.
"Alas!", He cried, "What have I done! I dropped all the riches in one place! Who's living down there, Peter? What nation?"
Peter took out his globe, checked it and said "It's the Romanians, my God. They now have all the riches there can be."
And God shouted down: "Damn you! May you never enjoy them!
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their lives so that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Pathan came forward near the railing and chanted,
"Allah-u-Akbar"
And Kicked the Indian standing next to him in the sea.
3 scientists happen to meet each other by chance at a party, an American, a Russian, and a Pakistani. They boast their country's science achievements. The Russian says: We were the 1st ones in space, the American says, we were the 1st to go to moon, The Pakistani thinks hard and says: we will be 1st ones on the sun! Both the American and Russian start laughing, and say to the Pakistani, you stupid the sun is too hot, your spaceship will burn b4 it reaches the sun. The Pakistan scientist remains cool and calm, and says: You are stupid. We will go there at night!!!
neither Dracy. There are actually wollen socks.. coz it is very cold in the summer from where I come from, also carrying an umbrella is part of the daily atire just like abaya/robe here..:)
I come from a very traditional family. When I was seven, my Uncle Terry hanged himself on Christmas Eve. My family didn't take his body down until the sixth of January.
If I was to share a joke here with our own native language then only my countrymen would understand and laugh about it. It would be boring and stupid to others...
"Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you(Wag kang gay-an, kung mang gagay-an ka, wag gay-on)"
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I called in to see my friend Angus (a Scotman) to find he was stripping the wallpaper from the walls.
I asked if he was decorating ?
He said "No. I'm moving house."
Quite understand you...Irish & Ireland!! Less than 1% of EU's population played chess with European reconstruction for one year...The "Celtic Tiger" finally voted the Lisbon Treaty...but under their conditions, of course!
Anyway, feel free under the QL cover :-)
You have to be careful with jokes....
For instance, a few weeks ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the Irish jokes we knew; It was great.
Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey You, I'm Irish and I don't like you telling all those Irish jokes!"
So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against anyone in Ireland."
"My mother is in Ireland!" He screams, and pulls out a razor.
Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me if he had found a place to plug it in.
one marathon race in Poznan-"I run for the wolf" - where they promoted protection of this species in Poland.
Britex, nice intro but the joke has to be from your native country..c'mon give us the best one!:o)
Humour - transcends national boundaries and languages :O)
On the border of Russia and Poland there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Russian farmer, while the other half belongs to a Polish man.
One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Russian man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Polish neighbor.
"There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest."
"How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Polish farmer asked.
"Well," the Russian replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped."
Recently, we were in the hospital, family member was sick. Our house helper stays with us. One night, i told her i will sleepover in my friend's room in the same hospital but on the other floor. I instructed if in case of emergency, just dial and call me thru 815. she suddenly asked carefully, 8---1---5? does it start with 8? LMAO! everyone was laughing in the room.
PNT : Doctor! why did you operate my left kidny intead right kidney?
Dr. : It's not my wrong. Who told you to sleep on stomach?
Sipho's very pregnant sister was in a car accident. Upon her coming out of the coma, she immediately asked about her unborn child.
The doctor congratulated her on having twins, and assured her that all was well.
Well then, where are my babies she asked.
Well your brother Sipho has them with him, and he also gave them names for their christening.
The woman was horrified, as she new that Sipho was not the most clever person on the block. Just then Sipho walked in with the 2 babies and handed them to her.
She looked at the girl and hesitantly asked Sipho - What is her name Sipha.
Denise he answered smiling from ear to ear.
Well that is a good name the woman thought, obviously expecting something much worse from Sipho.
And the boy? What is his name.
Denephew Sipho replied.
Sardar pissing
best Country - funny - music ever!!!
A Sardar Father son from my native place.
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English poems in a school near my home..
Guffaw - Gufaaw - :O)
A Cuban, a Scot, a Mallu, and a Qatari are sharing a carriage on a train.
The Cuban lights up this enormous Cuban cigar. About 12
inches long, worth about 800 pound.
Takes one short drag from it and flings the cigar out the window.
The other three look at him in amazement and ask why he just threw out a full Cuban cigar.
He replies, "I'm from Cuba, I have thousands of those things back home"
A few minutes later the Scot pulls out a litre bottle of Bells,Whiskey, a 50 years old bottle, worth a fortune. He takes a short measure glass, half fills it, knocks it back and flings the remainder of the bottle out the window.
The other three in shock, ask him why he just threw away a near full bottle of fine malt Scottish whiskey,
he replies, "I'm Scottish, I have thousands of those things at home".
A few minutes later, the Qatari throws the Mallu out the window.
A Welsh couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption centre called and told them that they had a wonderful English baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption centre, they stopped by the local college so they each could enrol in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study English?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a English baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
Did you hear about the Scotsman who married a girl born on February the 29th so he'd only have to buy her a birthday present every four years?
3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scottish, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Irish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot says, "Ach, fill it up with water."
I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
I said 'Thyroid problem?'
It must be the way you tell them :O)
An old man goes into a pharmacy and asks the girl behind the counter:
"Excuse me miss, do you have those blue pills that make you feel good?"
"Sure grandpa, they're called Viagra"
"Aha... well, how much does one cost?"
"That'll be 35 lei, grandpa." [Approx. $1]
"Hmm... well, but how long does it last?"
"Well, about 4 hours."
"What?? And it costs 35 lei?"
"Yes, I told you."
"Well miss, sorry, but I'm not paying 35 for those extra 15 minutes."
Before coming to Qatar, I had a great business plan ... I was going to build bungalows for dwarfs ... there was only one tiny flaw ..
God was floating above the Earth with Saint Peter by His side. He had the Horn of Abundance in His hand and from the Horn He was pouring wealth and riches to the peoples of the world. You could see Him dropping a gold mine here, an oil field there, a beautiful landscape over some other place. But at some point, God tried to make a really tight turn, He lost balance, and He dropped the Horn of Abundance.
"Alas!", He cried, "What have I done! I dropped all the riches in one place! Who's living down there, Peter? What nation?"
Peter took out his globe, checked it and said "It's the Romanians, my God. They now have all the riches there can be."
And God shouted down: "Damn you! May you never enjoy them!
Q: What's big, black, noisy, makes a lot of smoke and cuts carrots in five?
A: The Romanian machine for cutting carrots in four.
HAHAHA... Don't worry Don Robert, Im here to buy your joke.
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their lives so that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Pathan came forward near the railing and chanted,
"Allah-u-Akbar"
And Kicked the Indian standing next to him in the sea.
3 scientists happen to meet each other by chance at a party, an American, a Russian, and a Pakistani. They boast their country's science achievements. The Russian says: We were the 1st ones in space, the American says, we were the 1st to go to moon, The Pakistani thinks hard and says: we will be 1st ones on the sun! Both the American and Russian start laughing, and say to the Pakistani, you stupid the sun is too hot, your spaceship will burn b4 it reaches the sun. The Pakistan scientist remains cool and calm, and says: You are stupid. We will go there at night!!!
in the parking an arab men ask the english men
arab: can i BARK (park) here?
english men: yes you can bark anywhere.
You're not a joke, you are a LEGEND!!!
Cause of you ppl heard ab. Transylvania/Romania, like the place of Count Dracula...boohoo!!
http://www.romaniatourism.com/dracula-legend.html
neither Dracy. There are actually wollen socks.. coz it is very cold in the summer from where I come from, also carrying an umbrella is part of the daily atire just like abaya/robe here..:)
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HE WHO DARES WINS
This is a veeeeeeery classic Qatari joke:
The Emir of Qatar was on a visit to China.
Emir: What's the population of China?
Chinese president: 1 billion. What about Qatar?
Emir: 200,000
Chinese president: And in which hotel are they staying?
what do you call a guy who is fully clothed sitting in a deck chair on a pebble beach without his socks on and with a sun hat on?
That's our way of, a day at the beach and people thought Qatar was conservative..:)
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HE WHO DARES WINS
COTTON OR POLYESTER SOCKS?
Only Love & Respect of Others Make us Human.
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Translate it in English for a larger audience. I already googled 'up chuck'.
Share the fun!
It is said that there is a magic mirror in Malacanang that slaps anybody who tells a lie.
Sen. Juan Flavier passed by the mirror and said “I think I’m tall,” and the mirror slapped him.
Then came President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. “I think I’m the prettiest woman in the Philippines,” and the mirror slapped her.
Then passed Former President Erap and said “I think . . .,” and the mirror slapped him.
lol Don Robert...."SEE! nobody laugh coz nobody understood!!"
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One life to live, live it to the fullest.
me!
Kids sit in a South African classroom.
Teacher asks " What would you like to be when you grow up?"
All the Kids shout together "alive mam"
I come from a very traditional family. When I was seven, my Uncle Terry hanged himself on Christmas Eve. My family didn't take his body down until the sixth of January.
and his friends ate in a high class restaurant and found the bill very expensive so he asked the waiter why.
Waiter: Sir, because youre also paying for the ambience.
Estrada(looking at his friends): which one of you ordered ambience???.
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"You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back."
Pinoy At Coffee Shop
Pinoy goes to order breakfast at a coffee shop in Manhattan…
Waiter: “What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?”
Pinoy: “No… Big cup! Big cup!”
Waiter: “What would you like for your breakfast?”
Pinoy: “Hameneggs.”
Waiter: “And how do you like your eggs, sir?”
Pinoy: “Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much.”
Waiter: “No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?”
Pinoy: “Yes, tenkyu, I wud like dem cooked.”
Waiter (with increasing impatience): “Would you like your eggs… fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?”
Pinoy (with increasing uneasiness): “Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.”
Waiter: “And what bread would you like?”
Pinoy: “Begyurpardon?”
Waiter: “What kind of bread would you like… white? rye? whole wheat? toast?”
Pinoy: “Pan Amercano…”
Waiter: “We don’t have that…”
Pinoy: “Okey. Gib me Taystee…”
Waiter: “We don’t have that either, sir…”
Pinoy: “Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?”
Waiter: “Sir, you are wasting my time… I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?”
Pinoy: “Donut plis…”
Here's the joke:
"Patuwad
Isang araw sumakay ng Bus si Lola
Konduktor: Lola psensiya na po kc puno na! Payag po ba kyo ng Patayo?
Lola: Tinamaan ka ng Lintek kung inabot mo lang ang kabataan ko, kahit patuwad payag ako!"
SEE! nobody laugh coz nobody understood!!
"Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you(Wag kang gay-an, kung mang gagay-an ka, wag gay-on)"
Hey mate, you've got 'up chuck' on your shirt.
What's 'up chuck'
Nothing chuck, how about you?
If I was to share a joke here with our own native language then only my countrymen would understand and laugh about it. It would be boring and stupid to others...
"Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you(Wag kang gay-an, kung mang gagay-an ka, wag gay-on)"
You won't understand it!