Guys rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here
are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If
it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You
don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing
of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to
think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious
hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost
every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends
are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a
doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after
7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other
one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how
to do
it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say
during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither
do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve
is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we
will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but
it is
just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you
wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to
sleep
on the couch tonight; but did you know men really
don't
mind that? It's like camping.