Relationship Advice

Haha! Yeah Hoka!

man up and pick one.

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become a muslim and marry both.

Thank you jeaux90 for your kind words. Your thoughts are exactly what I am intending to do :)

Wisefool, you sound like a nice guy, and I can see why you have let your first girlfriend (gold digger) down gently.

Crux of the matter is without wanting to patronise you is that you are way too young to get married.

You have the time of your life ahead of you. You earn good money now, keep you head down and by your late twenties you will be earning alot more. You should have fun for a few more years.

Take another look around you when you are early thirties as I can gaurantee you, if you get married now, you will regret it.

Any girl that puts condition down as marriage is a bit weird to be honest.

You're welcome.

You better put things together the RIGHT way wisefool.

Cheerio!

Thanks for all the comments everyone. I've finally made up my mind. Appreciate all the help and constructive criticism.

Hey hi jekenlani thats a really a amazing advice i feel proud to see ur msg bcuz i have got break up with my gal jus 5months b4 the reason was money n possition ur rite my dear i feel gud to c people like u may god bless u:-)

Wisefool, you know, sometimes it is better to let people help themselves...and quite frankly, when put into that position, they will...to the surprise of those who thought they couldn't.

Anyway, getting to girl no.2. I think a person who puts ultimatums is to be avoided, as simple as that.

I don't know if it is a cultural thing that she "has to be" married , but I think what she is doing is wrong, but that's just my "western" opinion.

There are plenty of fish in the pond, and once you hook the right one, you will know it, no need to ask questions.

You could have helped her as a friend, if your intentions were only to help. You didn't have to have a relationship with her to help her. Or was it that you wanted something instead of what you are giving?

Plus she has a family, and she has parents, she isn't alone as you are describing the whole situation. Why did you not let her go back to her parents, no one in this world will support her and love her more than them.

I think you have done a mistake from the very begining.

Plus instead of working on making her happy by giving her everything she wants, you could have worked on changing her; it would have helped her more now.

You messed it up.

Don't even dare thinking about a second girl now.

Thanks Eagle. Unfortunately, I don't have the heart to leave her empty-handed- and I don't see a point of giving her something in-between. Basically, I will leave her whatever is in the apartment- basic furniture like a bed, wardrobe, TV, stove, fridge, tables, chairs, sofa etc. and some electronics (ipad, ipod, spare mobile phones etc). I don't think there are any middle grounds for that.

I would prefer to just end it on good terms and still let her have a comfortable life. Thanks for your help :)

Agreed with Mandi, QS, WK.

"if I don't love the current girl I'm with- what option is better- to break up with her and give her everything I own or to break up with her and leave her empty handed?! You tell me."

To your ownself be true, no matter what. Since you're sure that you don't love your current girl, then it's time to set her free to find or be open to someone else who does.

Give her everything or leave her empty handed? That's 2 extremes. No middle ground?

By your own account you have been in an extremely unhealthy relationship for two years now. I would, if I were you, wait for a while to become embroiled in another committment. At your age you have plenty of time to date and get to know others and yourself.

Mandi

whyteknight- thats not true. I'm young and inexperienced in relationships. I truly am seeking advice- but I just dont appreciate being undermined and constantly criticized for no reason.

Despite you all having excellent points- which i appreciate- some are just insulting me without even reading what I have been through with the other girl. Anyway, it seems the best option is to cut off all ties with girls at this point and just hope for the best.

Thank you everyone for your help, comments, suggestions and criticisms- it is highly appreciated.

Cabbage no matter what anyone says here it is not going to make a difference. The guy has already made up his mind and is just looking for some people to give the same advice that he already has in mind to vindicate his future actions.

Thanks QatariSun. That is some usefula advice. Much appreciated :)

And another thing- before you decide to criticize more- put yourself in my position with an open mind.

Imagine, you graduate from university and get your first job- and you are forced to support someone. She has a degree in Marketing and PR- but she is lazy to find a job. She has nowhere else to go- would you get rid of her?

Well, I found her a job instead. For two years I paid for everything and supported her fully. She took advantage of me and took me for granted as she never even bothered to try finding a job to help with the rent and she could see I was struggling (what do you expect from a fresh graduate earning a low salary?) and did i even complain once? NO. I supported her without question. She screwed me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. She took my kindness for weakness and exploited me with the fact that she has NOWHERE to go if I leave her. Absolutely nowhere.

So now that I've been doing the right thing for two years- this one action immediately cancels everything I have done for her? Without me she wouldn't be anywhere! She would have to go back to Lebanon with conservative parents who would force her to marry immediately. I kept her dream of being in Dubai alive and I helped her escape a much worse fate.

Why am I the bad guy?

a bird in hand is worth than two in bush.

I dont expect this to be a pleasant doing. I have done more good than bad in this situation. Sure- i lied in the relationship- but what else should i do? kick her out on the streets without a job/money? think before you start calling me a fool because i helped this girl get her life on track. I have not been selfish- everything i have done to help her only!

She pays ONLY for the rent. The place I furnished with my hard-earned money (cost me more than QAR36,000) and I haven't asked for a cent back- nor do i intend to. Where the hell do you get your facts from?

I didn't string her along for two years. I supported her when nobody else was there for her. Maybe you should try putting yourself in my position and see what you would do- kick her out on the street- or support her?

Let's even forget the fact that this new girl even exists. Tell me now- if I don't love the current girl I'm with- what option is better- to break up with her and give her everything I own or to break up with her and leave her empty handed?! You tell me.

Even if I haven't met a new girl- my intention is to still break up with the current one.

I'm merely asking for advice- I appreciate your criticism- but that really doesn't help me at this point.

Ok, as I see the situation, we are not considering here your current GF as your future wife, she is a history, you have to finish this relationship nicely, that is it. As for another girl, 1. I wouldn't jump into new relationship so soon; 2. I don't think putting conditions by that girl, such as date of engagement and wedding is a good idea, no one should be forced in such decisions; 3. Does she love you in the first place or she just wants to get married?

Your main concern is that you might not meet such girl again, and that's why you should grab her. Well, it is not particularly right way to approach your relationship. Besides other things, Relationship is permanent compromising by both sides, and if one of the sides starts putting conditions without any reason, it doesnt make relationship any healthier.

By the way, have you spent some time with this girl, or it is only long-distance virtual relationship?

I cannot tell you whether to marry her or not to. that would be wrong. But I think if you raise this type of questions, if you are questioning the whole matter, it means you are not ready yet. Take your time, try to explain to her your feelings, and if she loves you, she would definitely agree to wait for a while, without putting any conditions.

I hope that was a joke.

wisefool be a man and date both of them. Promise them whatever they want with no intention of never doing it.

Keep looking for a third one.

You are not wise but you are a fool.

How do you expect to get out of this; squeaky clean?

You have basically lied - behind the intent of 'doing good'.

You have done well/good - but only for you.

You have lied to this vulnerable girl for far too long.

You had no intention at all off making this ‘decent’.

She pays the rent and you furnished it? Did you pay hard cash for those furnishings or did you claim that back from expenses?

Seems to me you have not got the balls to tell the truth to the girl you have STRUNNGED ALONG for two long years.

This girl you chat to and not yet met????

How bloody insulting is that to the girl who thinks you have a future together?

You have shared a home for two years and yet over her, you chose to 'love and want to marry' a girl you have never met?

Way to go – you are going to hurt somebody and destroy their self confidence in loving again.

Well done. I am open to human emotions changing - but you my friend are taking the *iss!

Thanks FlyingAce. The thing is, I've tried breaking up with her before...several times... and that didn't work too well. I need to pick up my stuff- take her to the mall and end it so she doesn't cause a scene.

In the end I just feel so damn guilty because she's heartbroken and I guess I just feel too sorry for her. I got used to helping her and her taking me for granted and always depending on me. I guess I can finally breathe after this situation is over and I make a decision.

Just call her and talk, you can always collect your Documents, I am sure no one would stop you from Collecting your Degrees...

its a little bit more complicated than that. i guess i need to explain the situation more.

i believe i'm very grown up britexpat. to be supporting a woman 3 years older than i am for two years- freshly graduated.

i stayed with the current girl for this period because she had nobody else. i felt sorry for her. she didnt have a job, money- nothing (shortly after we started dating her entire department got laid off. they didnt give her any severance package, and she asked to move in with me). she was then living with me- do i just kick her out on the street? i rather fake my feelings for a bit than kick a girl out on the streets with nowhere to go.

when i say i had my eye on the other girl- what i mean is that i really admired her. i have never cheated on my current gf (or any girl for that matter).

i'm not worried about my "artifacts" in the flat. i furnished the entire place and i don't even plan on taking anything. i will give everything to her- i just need to collect important documents (original degree, birth certificate, travellers cheques etc.)

Come on mate grow up, 22-25K is well enough for a couple, but before that you need to decide with whom you want to have a relationship with....

Looks as if you are confused, do what ever your heart says...

You need to grow up a little.. You've been dating a girl for two years , yet had an eye on another girl for three.

You mention that you own the artifacts in her flat. What does that have to do with the issue - unless you are more worried about the things than her.

stick with the devil u know

WOW!

Thank you so much for all of your comments and feedback. It is highly appreciated.

I guess I should explain a little more about the girl I'm currently dating. I've stuck with her through thick and thin. She's older than me by 3 years and she hasn't taken her life seriously. As soon as I finished university- I had been supporting her morally and financially. After her hopeless attempts to even try to find a job and help out, I managed to convince somebody to hire her. Even though I've been in Qatar- she has been irresponsible with her money and I was forced to pay her rent for the first three months (otherwise her cheques would bounce and she would be in a lot of trouble). I've been through hell with her and I've definitely tried my best to solve our issues- but in the end, it seems I lost my feelings for her.

The only reason I am worrying about money is because I would never get in a relationship with a girl where I will struggle to support her. Furthermore, I don't want to deprive her of anything she wants either- I want to be able to get her anything (within boundaries ofcourse). I highly doubt I would get bored of her- as I've said- generally I would not consider marriage so suddenly- but for this special case I would because I know she is easily qualifiable to be my wife in the future.

Phynix, she won't dump me for a hot guy. Not to brag, but I am very good looking myself :P

You are too young. Don't jump into anything.

P.S.- A woman who is forcing marriage on you even before you start dating SHOULD be avoided like the plague.

I agree with Daffy and M.E .. u need to treat this situation with a little more respect. What matters is which girl is capable of standing by u and supporting u thru thicks and thins.

Nothing like airing ur dirty washing in public!!!!

loving your last comment! xD

Hehehehe

Let me ask you, have you spent time with that girl you had your eyes on for three years? I mean was it just phone conversation; like distance relationship in other words? And why is getting engaged and married is the only way to be with her?

What does her rejecting several marriage proposals has to do with the advice you need? Was she rejecting those proposals to be with you?

If you are in love with and she is in love with you, then money and position and whatever wouldn't matter.

Yes, every women wants to feel secured at some point.

But I think money wise, it will work well with you.

About your age, I don't think 24 years old is considered young anymore. You are grown enough to fall in love, be loved, be responsible, grow in your career and have a family.

You can get married, live together, no need to have kids right away; if that's your concern. Then when you both are ready to have a family, then let the magic happen. ;)

But before all that, the most important thing is for you to know weither you love her or you are in love with you...

There is a big difference.

You never mentioned any of that above anyways.

In that matter, I would tell you think twice.

Best of luck!

I suggest you decide which one of them is best in the first place, Its best you sort out with ur first girl n then move onto decide on this new girl.

Girl 01 deserves appreciation after all she lived with you and has stuck to you, regardless of you eyeing another woman.

Girl 02 has already placed her conditions, probably cos she likes u but has identified your potential to lose interest in a partner with time.

Try to bear in mind every relationship in the beginning may be extremely interesting but with may get monotonous when you start taking each other for granted. Its upto both partners to keep the sparks re-kindled time to time

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin

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well, if you see yourself with the girl you want to marry then go for it...why do you have to worry about money? well make sure that if she will marry you even if you have no more money to support her she will stay by your side... and how about if time will come the "sparks in the relationship" fade again...what will you do? divorce her? will you be willing to be with her forever even if the sparks gone?

thanks- i dont see it as a game. im just in a predicament and looking for advice.

thanks- i dont see it as a game. im just in a predicament and looking for advice.