“When will to hold tight and when to let go? When to say you don’t love him/her anymore?” Have we ever asked ourselves what are the reasons why we’re still holding on and or why we’re letting go? Perhaps yes, but have we ever found even just a single plausible answer? Perhaps yes, but can this answer worth everything that we’re ready to give up? Again perhaps it’s a yes, but one thing is definitely true no matter what, either way, the pain is real and it leaves us broken. But have you ever tasted the bitter sweet of these moments? Because for every ‘holding-on’ there’s hope and sometimes hopes become dreams of reality; for every ‘letting-go’ there’s freedom from pain and pains are nothing but temporary. Sometimes when we don’t let love rule over our confused heart we tend to make decisions that we usually regret at the end. And as reckless as we had been we end up breaking our own heart and sometimes changing us into a cold and selfish monster that it takes another lifetime to recreate. It makes us live in sorrow and incapable of loving even our own selves.
We can say that we don’t love our partners anymore when we stopped believing that we’re not complete anymore; when we’re lacking something that once was ours. Because the moment we accepted our partner he/she had filled the emptiness we have. Either he/she lost his/her part or you unconsciously withdrew the part you had given. Mistakes and wrongs we’ve done are part of every relationship. Forgiveness is another thing. It’s hard to forgive just as hard as to ask for forgiveness, but in every relationship love can outweigh every hatred and guilt. You may never forgive him/her for doing the vilest thing but within your heart the love once shared will always be the same. You can shout to the world that you don’t love him/her anymore but when the facade of silence greeted you the emptiness and longing for that love shouts louder. There are choices to make and chances to take and the best thing do is not to make or take it alone. It should be mutual, after all both parties created the foundation and to break it shattered with bitterness is far more complicated than to let it stand still if not for the future then at least for the past to finally had its home.
“Does love really dies? If it’s so, is it in a natural death? Or one can actually kill this feeling to make the heart go cold?”
I once asked a friend of mine who’s having a hard breakup with her boyfriend to do a simple exercise I devised. She’s filled with bitterness and vow to never love again. Her heart beats her hatred to love. She can’t move on because the ghost of her past keeps on haunting her. She pitied herself for giving too much and left nothing for herself. That the love she gave were wasted and never appreciated. She felt that it was her who left hanging and lost from the battle she thought she fought with. With her tears welled, I asked her to get a piece of paper and a pen. I asked her to write every happy memory she had with her boyfriend, I asked her to write every detail no matter how painful it gets. I know it’s an agonizing punishment to do such things. Then after I asked her to read all the things she wrote, at first she did but the pain is just too much for her, she end up crying almost in hysteria. After she calmed, I asked her to look at the paper and said to her, “From all those times do you think he never appreciated you? Do you think he never loved you? How does the sweetness you’ve been turned to bitterness right now? Tell me now; do you think he never gave you his all?” She looked at me confused. I continued “Can you pick at least one of those memories where you once said into yourself that you have everything, that you’re the richest girl in the world for having him, that you’re willing to bargain and give up everything just for that moment to last forever?” she looked at me this time I saw a bitter smile and said “…all of them”. I smiled and said “Never ever said that he never loved you or never appreciated you.” I continued. “He did, and he will never forget you because he played a part of you and you a part of him. It’s just that love didn’t work between the two of you. Fine, he hurt you, he broke you into pieces but that’s the way it should be. All of what of you should be broken so that you can create a new you for the next love to find. Never pick your broken pieces and mold it again as whole because no other love can polish it again for you. Every crease of those broken pieces made whole holds memories that belongs to the past – you can never move on. You can’t give your all for the new love to nurture within your heart if from the very start you started with the broken products of your past. That’s the reason why break ups are painful, everything is broken and we can do nothing out of those but serve just as memories to cherish and lessons to learn. You should create again a new you… unstained, polished, whole and perfect for the new love to find.”
We split up knowing that still she has a heavy heart. After a couple of weeks she called me with a lifted heart. We talked till she cries again but this time the bitterness was gone. She told me one of the sweetest line I ever heard “I do still love him…but I want him no more.” She smiled then I answered her “You’re whole again.”
I smiled as I remember these things, Love therefore never dies. It may gone cold but still the presence of it linger till one’s heart stops beating. No one can ever kill one’s love just as sure as that no one can ever live without love.
“When will to hold tight and when to let go? When to say you don’t love him/her anymore?” Have we ever asked ourselves what are the reasons why we’re still holding on and or why we’re letting go? Perhaps yes, but have we ever found even just a single plausible answer? Perhaps yes, but can this answer worth everything that we’re ready to give up? Again perhaps it’s a yes, but one thing is definitely true no matter what, either way, the pain is real and it leaves us broken. But have you ever tasted the bitter sweet of these moments? Because for every ‘holding-on’ there’s hope and sometimes hopes become dreams of reality; for every ‘letting-go’ there’s freedom from pain and pains are nothing but temporary. Sometimes when we don’t let love rule over our confused heart we tend to make decisions that we usually regret at the end. And as reckless as we had been we end up breaking our own heart and sometimes changing us into a cold and selfish monster that it takes another lifetime to recreate. It makes us live in sorrow and incapable of loving even our own selves.
We can say that we don’t love our partners anymore when we stopped believing that we’re not complete anymore; when we’re lacking something that once was ours. Because the moment we accepted our partner he/she had filled the emptiness we have. Either he/she lost his/her part or you unconsciously withdrew the part you had given. Mistakes and wrongs we’ve done are part of every relationship. Forgiveness is another thing. It’s hard to forgive just as hard as to ask for forgiveness, but in every relationship love can outweigh every hatred and guilt. You may never forgive him/her for doing the vilest thing but within your heart the love once shared will always be the same. You can shout to the world that you don’t love him/her anymore but when the facade of silence greeted you the emptiness and longing for that love shouts louder. There are choices to make and chances to take and the best thing do is not to make or take it alone. It should be mutual, after all both parties created the foundation and to break it shattered with bitterness is far more complicated than to let it stand still if not for the future then at least for the past to finally had its home.
“Does love really dies? If it’s so, is it in a natural death? Or one can actually kill this feeling to make the heart go cold?”
I once asked a friend of mine who’s having a hard breakup with her boyfriend to do a simple exercise I devised. She’s filled with bitterness and vow to never love again. Her heart beats her hatred to love. She can’t move on because the ghost of her past keeps on haunting her. She pitied herself for giving too much and left nothing for herself. That the love she gave were wasted and never appreciated. She felt that it was her who left hanging and lost from the battle she thought she fought with. With her tears welled, I asked her to get a piece of paper and a pen. I asked her to write every happy memory she had with her boyfriend, I asked her to write every detail no matter how painful it gets. I know it’s an agonizing punishment to do such things. Then after I asked her to read all the things she wrote, at first she did but the pain is just too much for her, she end up crying almost in hysteria. After she calmed, I asked her to look at the paper and said to her, “From all those times do you think he never appreciated you? Do you think he never loved you? How does the sweetness you’ve been turned to bitterness right now? Tell me now; do you think he never gave you his all?” She looked at me confused. I continued “Can you pick at least one of those memories where you once said into yourself that you have everything, that you’re the richest girl in the world for having him, that you’re willing to bargain and give up everything just for that moment to last forever?” she looked at me this time I saw a bitter smile and said “…all of them”. I smiled and said “Never ever said that he never loved you or never appreciated you.” I continued. “He did, and he will never forget you because he played a part of you and you a part of him. It’s just that love didn’t work between the two of you. Fine, he hurt you, he broke you into pieces but that’s the way it should be. All of what of you should be broken so that you can create a new you for the next love to find. Never pick your broken pieces and mold it again as whole because no other love can polish it again for you. Every crease of those broken pieces made whole holds memories that belongs to the past – you can never move on. You can’t give your all for the new love to nurture within your heart if from the very start you started with the broken products of your past. That’s the reason why break ups are painful, everything is broken and we can do nothing out of those but serve just as memories to cherish and lessons to learn. You should create again a new you… unstained, polished, whole and perfect for the new love to find.”
We split up knowing that still she has a heavy heart. After a couple of weeks she called me with a lifted heart. We talked till she cries again but this time the bitterness was gone. She told me one of the sweetest line I ever heard “I do still love him…but I want him no more.” She smiled then I answered her “You’re whole again.”
I smiled as I remember these things, Love therefore never dies. It may gone cold but still the presence of it linger till one’s heart stops beating. No one can ever kill one’s love just as sure as that no one can ever live without love.