it's not about starting a life with a conflict.it's more about having the ability to remain who you are until the end.and in my community,we are identified by our family name...esp at the time of marriage and the like."what family does she belong to?" and not "who is her father?"....and the fact that i belong to my family remains that way all through my life.there is no change in that.i come from a purely matriarchal society wherein the bloodline runs through the mother's lineage.so in effect,even if i change my surname to my husband's name,i get no position whatsoever in his household when it comes to family affairs.i remain an outsider.yes,our children do have some right.but essentially they belong to my family....not to their father's family.as in when it comes to mourning for even close relatives like their own paternal aunts,uncles or even grandparents,they are not required to go through the rituals,etc.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor