I was driving through an area of Birmingham the other day and I saw an asylum seeker on the side of the road eating some grass.

So I stopped my car and said to him, 'Hey, don't eat that! Come home with me!'

The asylum seeker said to me, 'I have a wife and 12 kids, can they come too??'

I looked at him and yelled , 'Get lost!! It's only a small lawn!'

They call it the American dream because you have to be asleep to see it... --George Carlin