PEACE BE UPON YOU,IT IS SO REALISTIC AND COMMON STORY YES I KNOW MOST OF THE WOMAN HERE ARE LEAVING BEHIND THEIR CHILDREN,and i do really feel sorry for you you seem to care so much about how your kid feels towards you,but if you would listen to me please go back money can buy him a lot but not the security he will have when you are near him ,try to work anything at your place even if he needs to be a working student at college it is ok i know in the phillipines to work while studying,believe me it will not take 4 months later to adjust to the idea of you being his mom ,i do not want to make it harder on you may god help you but if given the chance please go back i do have a nanny for my kids and i will feel so bad if she tells me she wanna go back but here i am telling you honestly what is true,even with little money he will survive,if you and his dad worked i think you will be able to make it to college,please promise him and yourself that this will be the last time and try to send pictures always for him and to call him over phone make yourself around him even if you are faraway,and make whoever is taking care of him to always talk to him about you and how much you love him and show him your pictures and send him some gifts for having good grades at school if he is in nursery,again may allah help you and him and bring you together soon