1. Orange and gold versace bath towels are not considered tasteful
2. 6 inch spikey hooker heels arent the best footware for walking on sand
3. When you put on a new top...consider wearing a skirt or trousers too.
4. Hoisting your g string above your trousers is not subtle
5. 5 inch nails with diamantes are not the height of elegance
6. you dont have to straddle your boyfriend when putting sun tan oil on him
7. if you want to show off your new 36E plastic baps on the beach... just know that the scars around them put me right off my cornetto
8. Glitter make up and bright red lipstick on your collagen lips at 9am isnt de rigeur morning attire
9. if you want to go sight seeing and insist on wearing a micro mini skirt...please consider wearing a pair of knicker esp if you are climbing up things (the castle walls at Montenegro are now a scar in my mind)
10. When your friend is taking a photo of you - a soft porn pose is not necessary...esp in front of a war monument.
11. It isnt cumpolsory to wear a see thru top and a bra a totally different colour.
12. if you dye your hair a radically different colour...dont forget the eyebrows!
Please note I am not jealous of your no neck boyfriend, all his bling and his face like a bulldog who just swallowed a wasp....
Actually ignore all the tips (apart from 9) I find you hysterical
Top Tips for Russian chicks on holiday
1. Orange and gold versace bath towels are not considered tasteful
2. 6 inch spikey hooker heels arent the best footware for walking on sand
3. When you put on a new top...consider wearing a skirt or trousers too.
4. Hoisting your g string above your trousers is not subtle
5. 5 inch nails with diamantes are not the height of elegance
6. you dont have to straddle your boyfriend when putting sun tan oil on him
7. if you want to show off your new 36E plastic baps on the beach... just know that the scars around them put me right off my cornetto
8. Glitter make up and bright red lipstick on your collagen lips at 9am isnt de rigeur morning attire
9. if you want to go sight seeing and insist on wearing a micro mini skirt...please consider wearing a pair of knicker esp if you are climbing up things (the castle walls at Montenegro are now a scar in my mind)
10. When your friend is taking a photo of you - a soft porn pose is not necessary...esp in front of a war monument.
11. It isnt cumpolsory to wear a see thru top and a bra a totally different colour.
12. if you dye your hair a radically different colour...dont forget the eyebrows!
Please note I am not jealous of your no neck boyfriend, all his bling and his face like a bulldog who just swallowed a wasp....
Actually ignore all the tips (apart from 9) I find you hysterical