Happy New Year to you. Sorry about offending all you Scottish folk and even sorrier about the oxymoron.

My excuse is that:

1. I am American
2. I don't understand Scottish people when they speak
3. Us yanks spell whiskey with an 'e'
4. I didn't know that Scotland was part of the UK. I thought you guys had declared independence and had a separate parliament where everyone wears kilts and speaks Scottish. Don't tell me it ain't so.

Gee, will you ever forgive me?

The beatings will continue until morale improves.