i think what others have said are enough to open up your mind and broaden your thoughts. i agree with all of them.
islam does encourage poligamy for islam is the purest religion that strongly reject adultary! however, there are conditions that leads to the passable of poligamy, for islam command his people to do things based on considerable reasons and good intention-not merely for fun that leads to trouble in the future! the reason why islam do this is NOT to restrict its ummah (people), but to save and protect them from corruption. tell me, can you find any other religion that can do better than this?
its true that in islam, men are permitted to marry until 4. but islam does not emphasize the "action" of marrying 2, 3, or 4, but what being highlighted and emphasized in Islam is to be FAIR and JUSTICE to all his wives- incase he wants to have multi wives. thats why Allah says in Quran: "...marry, 2, 3, or 4, BUT if you think that you cannot be fair to all your wives, then marry ONLY one, for this will save you from being INJUSTICE to your wives..." see, how beautiful our religion is in protecting our right as woman.
you were asking about your rights as a second wife. true, once you be a second wife, you will have an equal right as the first wife. but this is where the meanings of "fair and justice" play their roles. the meaning of 'fair and justice' in poligamy are measured upon the "priority and necessities" of the situation-not merely on visible quantity.
for example, if the first wife has a child, then she has more right to have more nafkah (cost for living for: cloths, shelter and foods) from the men, compare to the 2nd wife who is still without child. the extra benefits which the first wife get is not merely for her to enjoy but its for her child, because the child has right from his father too, not just the right of wife from husband!
another example, lets say the first wife has 10 chidren, (is that "too much"? ok, 5 then,) lets say, she has 5 children, then she has more right to be catered with a bigger house, compare to the second wife if she still havet got a child, then a small house is enough for her. u get the meaning of 'fair and justice' in islamic poligamy now? its measured in 'quality' of the fairness not the 'quantity'. of course, he will cater and equip you with what he cater and equip to his first wife, but the level and amount are fluctuating according to the 'priority and necessity'. get me? may be, others can help to explain furthur...
to the best of my knowledge, islam is the only religion that permits poligamy. apart from strongly rejecting adultary, islam is the religion that is based on reasons and knowledge. another islamic reason of poligamy is: as the dooms day is getting nearer, the number of woman will exceed to the number of men with a ratio of 1:4 (which means for every one men, there will be 4 woman). economic satistical birth rate has not shown the number of population is reaching to 1:4 yet, but it has proven that the number has reached to the ratio of 1:2 (thats why we may see, in everywhere, the number of woman is almost double than the number of men-in general) so even if all men in this world get married, there are still many woman who dont have their share of husbands-thats why islams allow poligamy with considerable reasons and pure intention. infect, islam strongly restrict men from marrying a woman IF he is not able to support her! thats why prophet muhammad (pbuh)encourage his ummah (people-who want to marry but cant afford yet) to fast for it can control their lust from expanding rapidly that leads to evil deeds-adultary.
however, islam only encourage poligamy if it leads to good outcomes, BUT if by having poligamy can leads to disaster, then its not encouraage at all in islam, for Islam is not a religion that convey his people to troubles and corruptions- its the people itself who choose to fall into troubles (thats why people who dont adhere to islam often easily gotten into trouble and corruptions!)i know it must be hard for you to make desicion, but in making desicion, i suggest you to make a wise desicion that gives you a good future! dont just think in the short-term, for the long-term effect is the one which often have a lasting impact to our life.
so tell me, what is the good reason for you to marry that (refer to Apple) 'so called' man? if it is only because of love, hey come on, love may comes and goes! as how seasons change, thats how human's heart could change!..... i just cant keep on talking, but its up to you to make desicion, if you think being a second wife can overcome some problems of that couple, then perhaps there is a way for you to enter. BUT if by marrying that men can lead to troubles and disaster in the future, then my advice is: you deserve a better life and a better men, perhaps you may get someone who is better than that men-its just the matter of time. dont wait for the men to leave you first, leave-when you fell the relationship isnt going anywhere, you look after of youself first because (some) men always think of themselves first regardless of whose heart they break!
let me support my saying with the quotation of our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh): "when you are in between 2 desicion that its hard for you to choose, then choose the one which breed 'less difficulties' in the outcome."
so what other advice could be better than this?
you asked: "is it necessary for me to convert to islam if i marry him?"
what my above friends said are right! you may keep it even if you marry a muslim. BUT what more important is for you to ask "WHY?"- the reason is because: our religion, islam does guarantee the freedom and protection of other religion, thats why muslims men are permitted to marry non-muslims woman who adhere to al-kitab: gospels & bibles (jews and christion). but ofcourse muslims woman are not permitted to marry non-muslims men because to the best of my knowledge, other religion dont guarantee to protect and give freedom for us to practice our religion-so actually muslims woman are NOT restricted, but we are being saved from corruption! (because there is no such verse, law, or regulation stated in gospels and bibles ordering the non-muslims to protect and give freedom to the religion of others-not to mention to islam) islam is the ONLY religion that respect the religion of others eventhough we dont adopt them! show me, what other religion could offer you better than this? look, how much tolence and freedom does our religion (islam) give even to the non-muslims people.... if you want to embarce islam just for the sake of getting married, then its your choice. but how much better would it be if you embrace islam due to the fact that you heart is being charmed by the beauty of islam- with the will of Allah, you heart will be able to feel the sweetness of the true faith!
last touch: marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth. Allah has created everything in pairs for he knows human cannot live alone- as how Adam couldnt live alone, so from there Eve was created. Allah has written in His book of who our life partner would be. dont worry, no matter how big the world is, but if Allah has created both of you for eachother, then insha Allah, He will bring you both together trough love and legal marriage. BUT if that men is NOT made for you,then no matter how firm you try to grab him, he will slip through your hands..... if this is the case, then swallow the fact young lady, let him go, and pray for a better compensation .....
let me console your heart with a quatation of our beloved prophet Muhammad (pbuh):
in this life, Allah has created everything to be in pairs,
where there is darkness, there is brightness,
where there is tears, there is laughter,
where there is pain, there is balm,
where there is sadness, there is happiness,
where there is losing, there is winning,
where there is sorrow, there is a tomorrow,
where there is mercy, there is hope,
where there is hatred, there is love...
nothing in life happens on its own,
there is always be a 'compensation' that comes with it,
thats why our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh) used to say:
"dont be too much happy for what we gain,
and dont be too much sad for what we lose,
for we might lose what we gain,
and we might gain what we lose."
tell me, what other 'heart soothing' advice could be better than this sayings of our beloved prophet? (pbuh).
may Allah show you the way and guide you to the straight path.
hello
lovern cute,
i think what others have said are enough to open up your mind and broaden your thoughts. i agree with all of them.
islam does encourage poligamy for islam is the purest religion that strongly reject adultary! however, there are conditions that leads to the passable of poligamy, for islam command his people to do things based on considerable reasons and good intention-not merely for fun that leads to trouble in the future! the reason why islam do this is NOT to restrict its ummah (people), but to save and protect them from corruption. tell me, can you find any other religion that can do better than this?
its true that in islam, men are permitted to marry until 4. but islam does not emphasize the "action" of marrying 2, 3, or 4, but what being highlighted and emphasized in Islam is to be FAIR and JUSTICE to all his wives- incase he wants to have multi wives. thats why Allah says in Quran: "...marry, 2, 3, or 4, BUT if you think that you cannot be fair to all your wives, then marry ONLY one, for this will save you from being INJUSTICE to your wives..." see, how beautiful our religion is in protecting our right as woman.
you were asking about your rights as a second wife. true, once you be a second wife, you will have an equal right as the first wife. but this is where the meanings of "fair and justice" play their roles. the meaning of 'fair and justice' in poligamy are measured upon the "priority and necessities" of the situation-not merely on visible quantity.
for example, if the first wife has a child, then she has more right to have more nafkah (cost for living for: cloths, shelter and foods) from the men, compare to the 2nd wife who is still without child. the extra benefits which the first wife get is not merely for her to enjoy but its for her child, because the child has right from his father too, not just the right of wife from husband!
another example, lets say the first wife has 10 chidren, (is that "too much"? ok, 5 then,) lets say, she has 5 children, then she has more right to be catered with a bigger house, compare to the second wife if she still havet got a child, then a small house is enough for her. u get the meaning of 'fair and justice' in islamic poligamy now? its measured in 'quality' of the fairness not the 'quantity'. of course, he will cater and equip you with what he cater and equip to his first wife, but the level and amount are fluctuating according to the 'priority and necessity'. get me? may be, others can help to explain furthur...
to the best of my knowledge, islam is the only religion that permits poligamy. apart from strongly rejecting adultary, islam is the religion that is based on reasons and knowledge. another islamic reason of poligamy is: as the dooms day is getting nearer, the number of woman will exceed to the number of men with a ratio of 1:4 (which means for every one men, there will be 4 woman). economic satistical birth rate has not shown the number of population is reaching to 1:4 yet, but it has proven that the number has reached to the ratio of 1:2 (thats why we may see, in everywhere, the number of woman is almost double than the number of men-in general) so even if all men in this world get married, there are still many woman who dont have their share of husbands-thats why islams allow poligamy with considerable reasons and pure intention. infect, islam strongly restrict men from marrying a woman IF he is not able to support her! thats why prophet muhammad (pbuh)encourage his ummah (people-who want to marry but cant afford yet) to fast for it can control their lust from expanding rapidly that leads to evil deeds-adultary.
however, islam only encourage poligamy if it leads to good outcomes, BUT if by having poligamy can leads to disaster, then its not encouraage at all in islam, for Islam is not a religion that convey his people to troubles and corruptions- its the people itself who choose to fall into troubles (thats why people who dont adhere to islam often easily gotten into trouble and corruptions!)i know it must be hard for you to make desicion, but in making desicion, i suggest you to make a wise desicion that gives you a good future! dont just think in the short-term, for the long-term effect is the one which often have a lasting impact to our life.
so tell me, what is the good reason for you to marry that (refer to Apple) 'so called' man? if it is only because of love, hey come on, love may comes and goes! as how seasons change, thats how human's heart could change!..... i just cant keep on talking, but its up to you to make desicion, if you think being a second wife can overcome some problems of that couple, then perhaps there is a way for you to enter. BUT if by marrying that men can lead to troubles and disaster in the future, then my advice is: you deserve a better life and a better men, perhaps you may get someone who is better than that men-its just the matter of time. dont wait for the men to leave you first, leave-when you fell the relationship isnt going anywhere, you look after of youself first because (some) men always think of themselves first regardless of whose heart they break!
let me support my saying with the quotation of our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh): "when you are in between 2 desicion that its hard for you to choose, then choose the one which breed 'less difficulties' in the outcome."
so what other advice could be better than this?
you asked: "is it necessary for me to convert to islam if i marry him?"
what my above friends said are right! you may keep it even if you marry a muslim. BUT what more important is for you to ask "WHY?"- the reason is because: our religion, islam does guarantee the freedom and protection of other religion, thats why muslims men are permitted to marry non-muslims woman who adhere to al-kitab: gospels & bibles (jews and christion). but ofcourse muslims woman are not permitted to marry non-muslims men because to the best of my knowledge, other religion dont guarantee to protect and give freedom for us to practice our religion-so actually muslims woman are NOT restricted, but we are being saved from corruption! (because there is no such verse, law, or regulation stated in gospels and bibles ordering the non-muslims to protect and give freedom to the religion of others-not to mention to islam) islam is the ONLY religion that respect the religion of others eventhough we dont adopt them! show me, what other religion could offer you better than this? look, how much tolence and freedom does our religion (islam) give even to the non-muslims people.... if you want to embarce islam just for the sake of getting married, then its your choice. but how much better would it be if you embrace islam due to the fact that you heart is being charmed by the beauty of islam- with the will of Allah, you heart will be able to feel the sweetness of the true faith!
last touch: marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth. Allah has created everything in pairs for he knows human cannot live alone- as how Adam couldnt live alone, so from there Eve was created. Allah has written in His book of who our life partner would be. dont worry, no matter how big the world is, but if Allah has created both of you for eachother, then insha Allah, He will bring you both together trough love and legal marriage. BUT if that men is NOT made for you,then no matter how firm you try to grab him, he will slip through your hands..... if this is the case, then swallow the fact young lady, let him go, and pray for a better compensation .....
let me console your heart with a quatation of our beloved prophet Muhammad (pbuh):
in this life, Allah has created everything to be in pairs,
where there is darkness, there is brightness,
where there is tears, there is laughter,
where there is pain, there is balm,
where there is sadness, there is happiness,
where there is losing, there is winning,
where there is sorrow, there is a tomorrow,
where there is mercy, there is hope,
where there is hatred, there is love...
nothing in life happens on its own,
there is always be a 'compensation' that comes with it,
thats why our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh) used to say:
"dont be too much happy for what we gain,
and dont be too much sad for what we lose,
for we might lose what we gain,
and we might gain what we lose."
tell me, what other 'heart soothing' advice could be better than this sayings of our beloved prophet? (pbuh).
may Allah show you the way and guide you to the straight path.