How many men does it take to change a light bulb...?
5 - one to hold the bulb and 4 to rotate the chair.

How many men does it take to make breakfast...?
None...that's woman's work.

Why do husbands die before their wives...?
Because they want to.

Why did God give men 2 heads and only enough blood to operate one at a time...?

Why didn't they send a woman to the moon...?
It doesn't need cleaning yet.

What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee...?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

How can you tell if your husband's dead..?
Sex is the same but you get the remote.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Men are like... parking spots. All the good ones are taken.