Okay Polygamy in Islam.
Brilliant question Dvargas and I greatly appreciate that you asked the question rather than making false assumptions. Those who seek to educate themselves really do deserve high praise.
Anywho, back to the topic. Marriage to more than one wife in Islam is not simply for a man to enjoy the company of many women. There was a reason this rule was instituted. Now, dating back to the 7th century generally widowed women would not have any sort of means of survival for themselves or their families. Especially during the time when Islam was being introduced many men were killed and thus were leaving widows and children. Now once again we are not taking about today where we have social welfare programs and such. So, one method to take care of these women was to marry them. Remember these women do have the option to say NO if they did not want to. Unfortunately, THEN there was an imbalance between men and women, as many of the men were being killed in the wars taking place so a man would have to marry more than one wife.
Now, take our Prophet Muhammed (Peace be upon Him)some of his wives were twice his age and widowed.
Really it was a method of social justice and it was most applicable back then. Like I said we can sit and critisize from our 2006 persepective, but it worked for these women and men.
In Islam divorce is not forbidden as it is in Catholicism so if a wife was disheartened she could express herself or seek a divorce...which would have been rare considering the circumstances.
Now, in the Qu'ran, God advises all men to marry only ONE wife even in that time of the 7th century. Because the amount of pressure and responsibilty that has to be taken to take care of two, three, or four is nearly impossible. For instance, a man would need to give each wife her own home, split his time equally, and even provide emotionally and pyschologically to a maximum of four women! Obviously to most men married to one wife that is a challenge. And to not treat all of these women equally would be a sin. So, even though marrying more than one wife would ease the social tensions arising in the society is was NOT encouraged in our Qu'ran, but it was permitted.
Now when it comes to nowadays, most of us Muslim women wouldn't really accept to live in a polygamous marriage and if our husbands sought such a relationship then that would indefinately result in a divorce in most cases. Healthy Muslim marriages, like all other marriages, involve two spouses who do love and respect one another and would not want to divorce each other under any circumstance. And normally neither spouse would want to live in a polygamous marriage. So, sure you are going to find some men who practice polygamy wrongfully, and then may be a few where all members involved are happy (remember any wife can request a divorce at any time or reject the proposal if she is to be a second wife). But, overall it is not commonlly practised anymore and is generally a non-issue to Muslim women.
Here's is some extra reading from Islam online it clarify things a little more:
{ " … then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hand possess: this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course"} (Nisa 4: 3)
As simple as this verse may seem, it is actually quite difficult for a man to deal fairly in all matters between wives. This verse sets the condition that he must deal equitably between wives on all levels i.e. financially, children and emotionally/psychologically. In other words, the husband would have to have the means to maintain this equilibrium. Referring to polygny (i.e. one husband and many wives, scholar Jamal Badawi informs us in his Gender Equity in Islam :
"The only passage in the Qur'an (4:3) which explicitly mentioned polygyny and restricted its practice in terms of the number of wives permitted and the requirement of justice between them was revealed after the Battle of Uhud in which dozens of Muslims were martyred leaving behind widows and orphans. This seems to indicate that the intent of its continued permissibility is to deal with individual and collective contingencies that may arise from time to time (i.e., imbalances between the number of males and females created by wars). This provides a moral, practical, and humane solution to the problems of widows and orphans who are likely to be more vulnerable in the absence of a husband/father figure to look after their needs: financial, companions, proper rearing, and other needs".
Jamal Badawi goes on to say:
"All parties involved have options: to reject marriage proposals as in the case of a proposed second wife or to seek divorce or khul' (divestiture) as in the case of a present wife who cannot accept to live with a polygynous husband".
What your friend needs to mindful is separating:
1. Her fears from what is Islam
2. Culture from Islam
3. Human weaknesses from Islam
This is the root of your friend's dilemma. When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), married the first time, he was only married to Khadija (RA). A while after she died, he had more than one wife for reasons that were born more out of a sense of responsibility and protection at a time when a woman alone was not safe.
* Khadija bint Khawilad (40 years old) was twice widowed before marrying Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
* Sauda Bint Zama (50 years old) was widowed before
* Hafsa Bint Umar bin Khattab (22 years old) was widowed before
* Umm-I-Salma bint Abu Umayia (26 years old) was widowed before
* Zainab Bint Jahash (38 years old) was divorced before
* Juwaeria Bint Harith (20 years old) was widowed before
* Umm-I-Habiba bint Abu Sufyan (36 years old) was widowed before
* Safia bint Hayi bin Akhtab (17 years old) was divorced before
* Maimuna bint Harith (36 years old) was widowed before
Okay Polygamy in Islam.
Brilliant question Dvargas and I greatly appreciate that you asked the question rather than making false assumptions. Those who seek to educate themselves really do deserve high praise.
Anywho, back to the topic. Marriage to more than one wife in Islam is not simply for a man to enjoy the company of many women. There was a reason this rule was instituted. Now, dating back to the 7th century generally widowed women would not have any sort of means of survival for themselves or their families. Especially during the time when Islam was being introduced many men were killed and thus were leaving widows and children. Now once again we are not taking about today where we have social welfare programs and such. So, one method to take care of these women was to marry them. Remember these women do have the option to say NO if they did not want to. Unfortunately, THEN there was an imbalance between men and women, as many of the men were being killed in the wars taking place so a man would have to marry more than one wife.
Now, take our Prophet Muhammed (Peace be upon Him)some of his wives were twice his age and widowed.
Really it was a method of social justice and it was most applicable back then. Like I said we can sit and critisize from our 2006 persepective, but it worked for these women and men.
In Islam divorce is not forbidden as it is in Catholicism so if a wife was disheartened she could express herself or seek a divorce...which would have been rare considering the circumstances.
Now, in the Qu'ran, God advises all men to marry only ONE wife even in that time of the 7th century. Because the amount of pressure and responsibilty that has to be taken to take care of two, three, or four is nearly impossible. For instance, a man would need to give each wife her own home, split his time equally, and even provide emotionally and pyschologically to a maximum of four women! Obviously to most men married to one wife that is a challenge. And to not treat all of these women equally would be a sin. So, even though marrying more than one wife would ease the social tensions arising in the society is was NOT encouraged in our Qu'ran, but it was permitted.
Now when it comes to nowadays, most of us Muslim women wouldn't really accept to live in a polygamous marriage and if our husbands sought such a relationship then that would indefinately result in a divorce in most cases. Healthy Muslim marriages, like all other marriages, involve two spouses who do love and respect one another and would not want to divorce each other under any circumstance. And normally neither spouse would want to live in a polygamous marriage. So, sure you are going to find some men who practice polygamy wrongfully, and then may be a few where all members involved are happy (remember any wife can request a divorce at any time or reject the proposal if she is to be a second wife). But, overall it is not commonlly practised anymore and is generally a non-issue to Muslim women.
Here's is some extra reading from Islam online it clarify things a little more:
{ " … then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hand possess: this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course"} (Nisa 4: 3)
As simple as this verse may seem, it is actually quite difficult for a man to deal fairly in all matters between wives. This verse sets the condition that he must deal equitably between wives on all levels i.e. financially, children and emotionally/psychologically. In other words, the husband would have to have the means to maintain this equilibrium. Referring to polygny (i.e. one husband and many wives, scholar Jamal Badawi informs us in his Gender Equity in Islam :
"The only passage in the Qur'an (4:3) which explicitly mentioned polygyny and restricted its practice in terms of the number of wives permitted and the requirement of justice between them was revealed after the Battle of Uhud in which dozens of Muslims were martyred leaving behind widows and orphans. This seems to indicate that the intent of its continued permissibility is to deal with individual and collective contingencies that may arise from time to time (i.e., imbalances between the number of males and females created by wars). This provides a moral, practical, and humane solution to the problems of widows and orphans who are likely to be more vulnerable in the absence of a husband/father figure to look after their needs: financial, companions, proper rearing, and other needs".
Jamal Badawi goes on to say:
"All parties involved have options: to reject marriage proposals as in the case of a proposed second wife or to seek divorce or khul' (divestiture) as in the case of a present wife who cannot accept to live with a polygynous husband".
What your friend needs to mindful is separating:
1. Her fears from what is Islam
2. Culture from Islam
3. Human weaknesses from Islam
This is the root of your friend's dilemma. When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), married the first time, he was only married to Khadija (RA). A while after she died, he had more than one wife for reasons that were born more out of a sense of responsibility and protection at a time when a woman alone was not safe.
* Khadija bint Khawilad (40 years old) was twice widowed before marrying Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
* Sauda Bint Zama (50 years old) was widowed before
* Hafsa Bint Umar bin Khattab (22 years old) was widowed before
* Umm-I-Salma bint Abu Umayia (26 years old) was widowed before
* Zainab Bint Jahash (38 years old) was divorced before
* Juwaeria Bint Harith (20 years old) was widowed before
* Umm-I-Habiba bint Abu Sufyan (36 years old) was widowed before
* Safia bint Hayi bin Akhtab (17 years old) was divorced before
* Maimuna bint Harith (36 years old) was widowed before