Why I don't want anymore friends
I do not want to make new friends anymore. Does that sound like an intense statement to you?
I graduated from school in January, and thought that I would have more time to spend with my friends to discuss more than just assignments, professors and topics related to what we were studying. I was looking forward to spending more quality time with them, now that we were free from study responsibilities.
Unfortunately, the people that I had emotionally invested in are all gone. The people that I used to sit with at one table in a restaurant, have all scattered to different parts of the world. Some people would say that I was naïve to expect my friends to keep staying in Qatar, and our relationship would stay the same forever.
They would say that I should have known this before making friends who are not local and would eventually move out of Qatar. Maybe that is true; but, for the longest time it was not really in my control to create friendships with expats; it happens organically. Demographically speaking, I live in Doha, which is a very cosmopolitan city and the likelihood of making friends who are not local is pretty high. This is the reality of living in Doha.
One of the people whom I really love and respect decided to move out of Qatar. And I asked, “What is Qatar to you?” The reply was, “Qatar is a transit station”.
I was smiling on the outside but was hurt inside. I’m not hurt because the person is leaving Qatar, but due to the fact that because of this friend leaving, staying in touch in the same way will be difficult. The truth is, that the possibility of maintaining direct communication is difficult, no matter how easy technology has made it to be in touch with our loved ones.
I feel I can no longer take the time to invest in friendships that only last a limited period of time. When these friends leave it means that I need to exert effort to keep in touch with them, and if the communication stops, I am constantly worrying about them. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to make new friends; but I feel burnt out after so many farewells to good friends. And I just don’t feel I could face all that again.
I know that what I’ve said is a bit negative. And I’ll probably continue making friends at some point who are expats and will not be in Qatar forever. But honestly, there is a bright side to all of this. In a period of just 5 years I have made friends who are now living in the UK, Germany, India, Pakistan, Bahrain and Tanzania (which is supposedly somewhere in Africa).
I still do not have a clue If I’ll be able to continue being in touch if the list expands. I feel confused sometimes because some of them are not in touch with me anymore.
I know for sure that no money in this world can bring back the day when I had all of my 5 friends watching shooting stars in Fuwarit beach at 2 am in the morning.
Everything is good when new， but friends when old....
Imagine that ............ !!
Marhaba: I feel for you.. Why not take a walk to the Ramada Car par of an evening .. Lots of friendlies there
Just trying to make some justification about the intention of making this country Home. Qatar is already congested and lot of Traffic Jams around. All over its’ full of concrete. Once the school started we will have these situation worst related to traffic. Also I have put a nationality count previously it already says the expatriate community, India, Nepal, Bangladesh & Sri Lankan’s itself reach more than a million.
On the other hand this is one of the world’s richest country and many people believe they came to earn money and it’s just a transit point for them.
However there are expatriates living here for ages and some looks like exactly Qataris wearing the Qatari dress. These people live, work, enjoy, love and die. They did not have any kind of citizen ship or permanent residency contract to live here forever. But they lived and living. Nobody said them to go.
There is another kind of people who wants to live under legal terms and they will look for many of their needs in legal way. Example, living with a girlfriend without a marriage certificate in a legal way, Consuming alcohol in a legal way, wearing a transparent dress in a legal away, The list can go on. There are plenty of countries where you can live legally about the mention ways on legal terms.
There are people like me who likes this country to live for some reason’s like Masjid’s (Mosques) around, Ladies are respected, I feel it’s the perfect place for living with family etc., However I have no intention to own a land here because I already own a land in this world which I have not utilized much in my country.
If I have more money I will try to find an investment in a poor village of mine or any other poor country.
Qatar has a great plan at the moment I suppose to own or lease a property in Pearl Qatar, and some other projects. So the people who has overly money can enjoy buying a property there. Why much bothering. That place is an excellent one.
I dont have any friends either but that is because I do not like anyone and I am sure no one likes me. Suits me fine.
It's life, friends come and go, but your life is enriched by friends for the period you know them. The best friends stay in touch regardless.
Your statement made me smile, and made me think at my daughter (age 10).
She had to change schools (and lose friends) almost every year. Most times, not because she wanted to, but because we had to move.
So she came with exactly the same replica: "Dady, I don't want to make any friends anymore, it hurts too much when I have to leave them!"
It was painful for me to hear that. But the answer I gave her was:
- My dear, you are judging this in the wrong way. You are not losing friends, it is easy to keep in touch these days. You have the opportunity to make a lot more new friends plus, now you have friends in at least 3-4 other countries.
So, last year we dedicated a part of your summer vacation to my daughter visiting her friends from the previous school, city and country.
Salsal, You r right, wt is always like that, no good at all.
@ wt , you just complain all the time dont ya, you seem as if you hate your life with a passion.
"We all know that we are coming here as "temporary" residents." Brit, this was not the case. I came here because a Qatari asked me if I wanted to live here. That's what I wanted. I never thought of going anywhere else. HE didn't tell me the truth!!!! Now I would say, I've wasted 20 years here. I have no respect for this Mickey Mouse country anymore. and, of course, that's why I'm leaving.
PK is perfectly, where it is said that Life plays games with us ........ and makes us smile & cry ........ regularly .......... correct ................
Well, on a positive note, you were able to widen your perspectives in terms of cultural values, defied racism and that only proved that you are an open-minded, kind-hearted soul. Making friends with other nationalities is by far the best thing you have done. It hurts when friends leave us, even our closest native friend but keep on extending your network. Sepanx is a normal psychological reaction. Don't stop making friends.
Life plays games with us.. We feel that we are so close and the relationship would be an everlasting one. But its so strange that it drifts away without we even realizing that we are left deserted in a path that we were travelling together, hurt and in pain.
We came into this world alone and will go back alone, So its always better to have no expectation out of anyone, though it is hard to do it..
Excuse the poor grammar.
That's a sad story to read. Unfortunately like many expats, staying in Qatar permanently is not an option. I would love to stay here and call this home, however I am not allowed to retire here so that will never happen. I can't buy property so I'm forced to rent at extremely high cost. Everything here is overpriced if you are an expat. As for friends moving away, nearly all the people I met 3 years ago have left due to loss of jobs.
Hope you realise your not on your own.
People are only a plane ride away.
I thing many ppl misunderstood him... He just said the value of friendship and how much it hurts when we miss them.. he conveyed that in a different way.. that was beautiful.. he even said he will expand his list.. so tittle is just a question
The gentleman write a story about leaving college or after graduation. This situation going back to 24 years of my time to speak about. The situation is different at the point when you leave your friends a part.
A weaker human will suffer emotionally if He felt anything in this world is forever. The life is to continually adjust in to new circumstances.
Now you have a different stage in your life and you need to prepare for that. Playing correctly and wisely in every stage of life will lead you to a better life.
In my opinion, you have completed an important stage of your life and please step in to the next stage of the life with courage. Don’t look at yourself down as not only yourself went apart. All of your friends went apart and it effected everybody.
You have to take this issue as a general situation. But don’t hesitate to post in QL or share your ideas with your friends and close ones.
Btw: You have good ideas and thoughts. May Allah bless you with a much better life than before.
Dear Shabeeb: An African proverb says "twenty people CANNOT be together for twenty years". Your experience is a lesson for all. It should not deter you for making expat as friends rather it should be a thing of joy when you remember the beautiful moments shared.
While you miss your cronies, they miss you too. No technology can replace physical communication with buddies. However life is in stages, we would not always have the time to seat at the beach at 2am as fatherhood and other responsibility calls.
I share your pain brother but the reality is the only truth. You are great to make expat as close friends and will be greater to do all you can to keep them. There is a further greatest step you need to take which is to make more expat friends despite your experience as "we are all expats in this space called earth, and we all return to the maker one day".
have a great day
Yes I have friends who say same thing like Qatar is just a transit point. Well it's a fact to most people. It hurt to invest quality time in friends & see them leave though but technology advancement would make it easier to be in touch.
I find this post silly. How can one expect an expatriate to stay in Qatar for ever. The reasons are quite obvious.
However this is possible in a no. of countries where an expatriate's hard work & contribution towards economy is recognized and citizenship is granted.
Shabeb, your last line sums it up. That's life. There are a lot of expats who go through the same experience. Each of your friends who have gone to different places have had to say bye to close friends like you have. They're in the same boat.
You shouldn't expect to hang out with the same friends all throughout your life. There will always be friends that move on and live in different places. Who knows you may some day leave Qatar.
It's a pretty common thing poast university and the same happens across the world.
One of the important things about the friendship is how much you guys try to stay in touch after moving away. Good friends are hard to come by so you should try to keep them even though you live in different parts of the world. They're still friends. Look on the bright side - it gives you a reason to visit so many countries.
Its so touching ...As an expat even I have made many friends and many moved away...That's how it is ..Though I am here with family from last 11yrs ...one day I have to leave Qatar...Though I hate doing it....Its life.
WT: The fault lies with expats - not Qatar.
We all know that we are coming here as "temporary" residents. However, many expats believe that they are here for life and start to think that it is their permanent home.
In life we are destined to meet other people, some may be friends, classmates or even enemies, some also will hurt us and bring out the best in us. It's part of life, they come and go, they will loved us or hated us, teach us or they will learn from you. You should learn to let, if they had forgotten you or ignoring let it be as long as you know is your heart, that you have been true to them since you met them. Move on you have more journey to come. Just be strong and live with love and trusting God.
I mean, the article is really ridiculous. When I came here 21 years ago with my family I wanted to buy a piece of land and build a house. It took some time to find out that this is IMPOSSIBLE! I just don't know what the OP is complaining about?
“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”
– Muhammad Ali
Not to mention the LIARS ...........
It's Qatar's fault that expats don't stay. Qatar's laws force expats to leave. Go, man, and talk to your government.
People often ask for money ........ within three weeks they show their true colour .............. foxy guys ..........
Dear Shabeb: You are looking at it from the wrong perspective. As someone who has worked as an expat in many countries, I can tell you that the best friends I have are all expats. We worked and lived together, shared good times and then went our separate ways. So, remember the memories – keep in touch with each other and arrange holidays to meet up.
In the meanwhile, you are now beginning a new chapter in your life and you will make new friends.. Good Luck!