Is it only to me or that's the culture??
All wifes,
My husband is a Pakistani and I am not (for sure my family had been moslem hundred years ago!). I have been wondering for this 8 years whether it is me who are being too polite? or is it pakistani women being so un-flexible (sorry if I have to say arrogant?)
The thing annoyed me is, whenever I visit my husband family friends, almost 99% of those wife prefers to talk to their pakistanis friends and totally ignored me the foreigner. even I speak their languange, I absorbed their culture, I ate their food, my hard works meant nothing? Or there is no rule in their culture to respect their guest eventhough they are not pakistani?
Also at school, my kids studying at pakistani school, whenever there is parents teacher meeting, the lady teacher prefer to talk to my husband instead of me (ignored me who is sitting in front of her) eventhough it is 100% of my work, we are representing and I speak a very well english and Urdu !!!
Oh yeah, well I am welcoming other stories from other mix marriage like mine :) just want to get peace of mind. Whether something wrong with me, or it is just general treatment?
hi medan,
as snessy said you need to stand up and stop this people from ignoring you ,you don`t need to be polite to them unless it`s mutual and of course you need your husband in your side.i`m married as well from different
Its really sad to hear ur story..yes, it does happen with me as well coz i too have got married in other culture..We need to adjust evenif r getting ignored..LIFE IS FULL OF ADJUSTMENTS..
Dear All,
Thanks you all for such a great support.
I do have lots of friend from my country but of course I have to minggled with my husband side as well.
I do fine most of the pakistani gentlement polite eventhough as the culture we dont meet face to face.
In Pakistani culture, if we visited one family, the gents will sit in the separate room from the ladies.
This is how my problem start :D What I was talking about was the LADIES. No matter how polite I am and try to be active in the conversation(it's all bout family & kids talks which I know very much) I always being ignored.
One example was about the school meeting. The teacher was A PAKISTANI LADY how could she prefer to talk to my husband who know little about my kids home work instead of me who managing my kids school? I just dont want to be "kinky mother" but whenever I started the conversation, she will then started to talk to my husband?? not only one but all the ladies pakistani teachers I met ?! Hellooo, I am also well educated and working mom.
I too am in a mixed marriage, but I have always been welcomed with open arms and so has my husband. There have been a select few who disapprove with our marriage, but we have chosen not to interact with them.
In the UK, I have never had any issues, but here I think it's more of a cultural thing to speak to the man rather than the woman. You need your husband to support you and he should tell the other person to speak directly to you if you're ignored. I'm quite outspoken so I say it straight to the person myself but if for any reason I haven't, my husband has no qualms in reminding people that I am his equal.
Try to make friends of your previous nationality instead of getting bored alone. Let relatives or friends of husband be partial to you, try to go with gifts ti there places or call them for dinner so you can get mix up with them.
Very strange that you dont get the attention of all pakistani friends ... according to pakistani peoples they like all the nationality and very friendly to them. i never got any problem with this.
I think you are rather unfortunate. The culture is not like that at all. My cousins have wives from US, Germany, Japan and my brother's wife is from Russia. We love them all. Infact they are always previliged because they are from different cultures. None of them eats our food or speaks our language. Yet, we love them just the way they are.
not all people like that. people are talking to your husband becasue they may afraid your husband who know about his attitude, may be he does't like any other people to talk to you.