Small question and big worries

You are right nomerci :)

Victory, that depends on how much they want to go abroad.

If they really want to, then they will do it, no problem.

Besides, millions of people are able to take care of themselves, so why not your kids?

Maybe , before they leave, you can introduce them to what I would call "normal life". Meaning, let them wash clothes, iron, clean, cook etc.

It's good to be independent and responsible. :)

Thanks no merci; I know my children and have full faith on them.

The other concern is would they be able to manage to take care of the daily chores independently? which they never did here.

Victory, IMHO, you can sent a good kid anywhere, and they will deal well with whatever is thrown at them.

And it is by far not as safe as it seems over here. All that is available in the West, is available here. With one difference...here it is "undercover", which makes it so much more exciting for a teen.

Thanks UKEngQatar!

Victory,

I think you brought your kids up well and I would not be too worried. Again you need to sit with them and have a friendly chat about the dos and don'ts, the acceptable and the unacceptables.

Just remind them that if no one is watching them the Almighty will be watching them, so they will be responsible for their actions.

Yes they will have to respect the culture of the host countries where they will study but they should never forgot what they stand and believe in. It will help them greatly to interact with other cultures and they will come back wiser.

Thanks Tarsiers for alerting key triggers, performance and deliverables tells where the focus of the child.

One advise is to keep monitoring their academic results by contacting their educational institutes directly. If one of your kids is having struggles in his academic life, this should be a warning sign to you that this kid might started to play around over there. In that case, don't give him/her excuses and bring him back home.

Another suggestion is to send your son and daughter to the same country and let them share an apartment together.

or simply, you can send your wife to join them and stay with them there.

I know an awful lot of Canadian Muslims Dawood.

Not to mention that I really love Halifax :D

miss MM has lot of information about canadian muslims TFS

The best medical schools are in Montreal and Halifax, both of them have HUGE Muslim populations (the 3rd most spoken language in Halifax is Arabic after English and French). There are some awesome Middle Eastern restaurants, Shawarma places and Sheisha cafes. (Also a lot of Indian restaurants that also serve Halal).

One of the best dishes you can get in Halifax is the donair, which is totally Halal and a lot like a shawarma with a sweet sauce.

There is a mosque about 3 blocks from the University (a fairly big one too, although there is a bigger about half an hour away). And all the grocery stores sell Halal products.

It will be the same, if not better, in Montreal.

Oh, and I didn't even think, but yes, the University cafeterias offer Halal options as well.

Miya Bhai cannot survive on veggies victory , the drugs and open culture is what has to be taken into consideration i have a friend who went for education and is in paranoid state now

Babubhaiyya....vegetarian is the best options for a few couple of years and fish is always an alternative.

Thanks mimi for building my confidence.

Well in Canada everything is 5 to 10 kilometers away so....

Halal at 5 to 10 km from residential areas :/

Vic I know plenty of GCC families who sent their girls abroad alone. None came back pregnant or addicted to dope yet ;P ;)

If you're confident you raised her to be strong willed, independent and confident she'll be fine. Especially in Canada!

Like I said, she won't be the only Muslim by a long shot!

(and she can find Halal food at any grocery store) ;)

Thanks Tinks, Colt45, MohdAta, Pappu, Khananbhai, Britexpat and Mimi for your positive valuable inputs and best wishes ;)

I am really happy with your comments.

Khananbhai: We met during last decade, you know that looks are always deceiving ;D

The real confusion arised when a GCC national raises eyebrows that how being a muslim one could send a Girl child abroad alone, thats make me to check what are fellow QLers opinion and does they also make discrimination between a boy and a girl.

Thanks you all once again :)

Better off staying where you are!!! western countries are what they are if you don't like it then don't send your children......simple!

Better off staying where you are!!! western countries are what they are if you don't like it then don't send your children......simple!

i thnk he has the rite to say that

Let them go and trust them - give them their wings and let them fly.

Also, as someone who has been involved in HR and recruitment in this region, a qualification from these universities are more sought after by employers - particularly if they look for jobs outside of the GCC.

For a girl it's too risky! Stop discriminating against women, we don't need your patronising attitude.

u have almost everything in qf ,thats the reason sh mozah has done this ..for a boy its ok bt for a girl ,its too risky,unless accompanied by someone(say mother).

best do istikhara.

i dnt agree as i am born here and went for my higher studies to india where i was like a fiter rooster and my cousins dere were like broilers or frozen chickens.

i knw now u will say in india it is like this but not in pakistan to that let me tell u i have cousins in pakistan also and dey r the same

now u will say muhajirs in pakistan are like this to that i dnt have an anser...lolz

well my opinion is that the childrens who born & brought up in any GCC countries are like frozen chikens once u keep them out of a fridge they start melting.. and children of GCC countries are also not mature like childrens of Pakitan, India or any other western countries. even if you send them to your home country they cant easily adjust its not coz parents are not with them but coz life other than GCC countries are very difficult and practical. Countries like US or Canada seems beautifull from here or on internet but life there is very tough. As you say that you are Muslim so there in US or canada you or your childrens will have to compromise on food also coz you cant find Halal food so easily there. I spent sometime in Australia and only few times i ate food from outside that also in very difficult situation. I think you are from India or Pakistan and in my opinion India & PaKIstan both are very well known and reputed universities are there for Medical studies. Do one thing try to convince them to both go to same country whether US or Canada.. coz lonely life is not that easy as it seems..

minus the tit bits of hijacking.

Reading it and taking some important points for future reference insha'Allah.

I wish and pray for the success of your kids Victory Bro. :) BTW the last time we met you don't look to be father of teenage kids.

all the best for u and the kids :)

Sure buddies; there is no short cut and alternative to an open and effective communication/discussion.

We are already in that process.

My guess is that they will end up finding other friends with similar values to them. One of my friends at Uni was Muslim from Jordan and she hung out with two equally devout Catholics and a couple of other exchange students.

I concur with Mohdata, infact I was about to tell you the same thing. Have a 1-2-1 with your kids and tell him you are concerned about their well-being as a father. You'll be surprised at how mature they may turn out to be and all your worries may be put to rest ;-)

Thanks to all of you for your Great comments and positive discussions.

One comment stands out "Short and sweet too"

"Treat them equally. give them the chance to travel, broaden their horizons, but at the same time make sure that the environment you send them to is to your liking."

I will ensure that they both will study abroad under safe environment of OUR liking to gain the Best of education what THEY are passionate about.

Once again many thanks buddies!

i feel that in addition to voicing your concerns here and getting our distant non-personal input; another thing would be to have a heart to heart talk with your kids; we frequently are unable to talk on the sensitive issues with our kids/parents which then leads to distance/coldness when these topics become a worry. Sit with your son alone and set his head straight with regard to your worries. Like maybe show him your soft vulnerable side and how scared you as a father are for him; that should make him feel grown up and drive him to make you proud..better than stern lectures. With the daughter and girls in general, they are by nature modest and self preserving; all that may be needed is to reaffirm in her head how precious she and her womanly aura/chastity is..i feel girls seek assurance/acceptance more than boys so if you can put it in her head that she's a strong woman who doesn't need to fit in with her friends/society, that should sort her. Sorry for the long posts but these are all issues important to me hence the personal interest:-)

Trust and faith with Great Responsibility to protect them with dignity and commitment on young shoulders, is not a big risk as well?

IMO, you should ask your daughter if she'd like that. Maybe she'll be embarrassed with her mommy around everywhere, maybe she won't. Maybe she's confident enough and has a good head on her shoulders to deal with all of it by herself.

What your kids need to understand is that you're placing a considerable amount of trust and faith in them and you expect nothing from them, but to respect that and live with dignity.

Many thanks to all Dear Qlers, I really appreciate your wishes and comments.

Let me clarify, we have been to many countries in Europe and US; seen the open culture such as no restriction on internet, Late night adult TV shows, peep shows, Drugs peddlers at metro stations, sex easily available on road sides, etc.

It is not easy to control your desires with an excuse that what shall one do if the door is open everywhere?

Again, it is quite easy to lure and influence a teenage boy / girl to join Rave parties due to peer pressures.

be better if u take the final decision after reading advises but i thnk it will b better if someone stay with dem to help dem during their good and bad times

Exactly Colt, we are putting them for A Big Test. I know even India is not behind in Anyways ;)

I personally feel a chance should be given to both of them with proper guidance and guidelines to follow when in real need and behave within limits.

Generally, I have noticed mother used to accompany the Girl child when studying abroad to provide support and protection.....what you say about?

yr righyt vic its difficult specially for a teenager to contro his desires emotions in an open atmosphere of western countries why dont you try for study here itself as lot of colleges available here in qatar or in home country where either of parents relation can have watch on them and lead them in the straight path if they do any mistakes which is not possible in western countries

Well I'm sure the kids know where to find it now. ;)

Ramada Car park (now known as Radisson Blu) is not strolling ground for the tricks no more ;-)

If I were you, I'd send the girl with her mother, and keep good constant contact with the boy.

I wouldn't really wanna be the one hindering their carriers, and now a days education is the key for ANY carrier.

That's all available even if you send them to India and think they will be safer there, than the West.

It is. Ever been to the Ramada parking lot?

That's when the morals, ethics and religious values you have inculcated in your kids is put to test... ;-)

pls dont divert my concerns, it is not available that easily.

You can find all those things here Victory. If you're kids are going to experiment, they can do it just as easily here.

My Dear I will Give U 1 Advice My Dear U R Muslim Right So Listen The Education Of Child Is Important Right and Also Islam is Important Right So U have To choose One Way ...ok Now U think School u cant Find Any where and islam U cant Find Any Where ...More U r Better Understand may be U r More Inteligence then me. Have A BestWishes And Good Luck...

are we discussing marriage or education here ;)

colt: lol wth dude?..that's not allowed too buddy..its tough being an unmarried muslim guy i tell you..mommy darling are you reading this?..are you getting the hint? lol

tinkerbell: lol you caught me with my evil intentions huh haha..no but jokes aside, even if the flood gates opened, i wouldn't respond. Will just have to wait till they find me a wife:-)

an egligible bachelor on the run :)

mohdata..I have to agree to tinkerbell..yours posts are refershing.:) Keep them coming:)

if it's me: I'll let them study in the best schools anywhere in the world, if I can afford.

however if you're in doubt, let them study in Qatar.

your post almost brought tears to my eyes....

but on a different note, "somehow, even with the UK pub culture and women throwing themselves at you; I came back home chaste"... so it was "aapna haath jagan nath" for you??? ........ j/k :-P

they are matured enough to take care of themselves and take their decisions of course with parents consent and as a parent you should support them and of course keep an eye on them. Education is a must and no compromise on that. Education should not be compared with religion whether it is male or female.

Only educate them not to go in wrong path as Allah is watching.

thank you tinkerbell! i'm worrying this for 2 days and i cant even have enough sleep.

Me and my brothers grew up in the safe Gulf environment in the loving arms of our doting parents..we are Muslim too..and then one by one we all had to go and get those damn degrees lol..big bro went to the US..me the UK..the younger two to different cities in India..by God's grace, not one of us strayed from our religious values/betrayed our parents' trust..sure, we had temptation to deal with often; but you will just have to trust your kids and God to guard them. I was surrounded by alcohol/drugs, had my fair share of female attention and basically could do as I pleased..but at the airport, while my dad just sulked quietly with emotion, my mom hugged me and told me just one thing - 'stay clear of the girls/sex and you'll have done well'..true enough, somehow, even with the UK pub culture and women throwing themselves at you; I came back home chaste as I had left and having never done alcohol/pork/drugs..I'm still single and alone in Qatar now but my parents and religion matter enough to me to be able to resist all the dangers around me.

Send them where they want, trust them, give them your best, the tools to educate themselves and succeed and the rest just trust in Allah. He raised them up safely in the Gulf; he will bring them back much wiser and grown up from the US/Canada inshallah. Best of luck:-)

A tough question and the fear of the unknown. Many Qataris study overseas and especially the US. They come back to Qatar wiser from the experience but do not lose their values or their culture, in fact they add to it.

Treat them equally. give them the chance to travel, broaden their horizons, but at the same time make sure that the environment you send them to is to your liking.

Let the kids make their own mistakes

Let them go and explore what the world has to offer. Yes they may make mistakes, but they will learn from them and it will only make them stronger.

More importantly, they will be grateful that you let them go and gave them a chance to fulfil their dreams :-)

GOOD LUCK to you buddy ;-)

I think you should allow your children to take this step.

Being a Muslim n having all religious value should not effect them in western countries

let ur wife or any other person accompany them , they always need assistance and guidance

I think you should let them go.

They won't be the only kids out on their own for the first time, or the only Muslims. There will be plenty of other kids in the exact same boat as them, and more than likely there will be clubs and organizations for them to join.

Also, many universities offer a female only dorm (men can only visit during the day and are not allowed to spend the night) where your daughter may feel more comfortable.