Male-Female War (Natural instincts)
Copied from reliable sources :)
Men and women have always been at each other's necks for time immemorial. What is it that makes us so complicated? Why don't men cry? Why do women get jealous? The answers have a psychological side to it..
The male-female war
It's a common question. Why men don't cry? The question goes into the same category of questions like; Why women get jealous? Why men can't commit? Why women can't stop talking? Oh well, we have our differences and it's the psychology one has to delve into to realize some very interesting facts about men and women. In reality, we are very simple people with very complicated emotions. And hence, we've been at each others necks forever.
Men and women have a set of emotions they are "expected" to deliver. Women are weepy, emotional, sentimental and cry all the time. Men are intense, angry, stubborn, possesive and moody. A nagging woman is quite common but a man drowning his sorrows in tears.. a rarity. There is a copious amount of male ego involved here. Psycholgists say that "Emotions live in the background of a man's life and the foreground of a woman's". Food for thought? It has always been said that women are more in touch with their emotions and that actually is true.
However, that does not mean that men aren't capable of expressing. In fact, in a study of married couples, husbands proved to as tuned to their spouse's stress levels and were also capable of offering support. Psychologist, Kiran Nair says that the connection between the left brain and the right is much greater in women. "The left brain holds logic and the right holds all your emotions. Women are capable of shifting between the 2 sides. Men aren't so much," says Kiran.
If you're looking for a debate on love, lust, women and the many nuances of the very same then this is a book you will love reading. Throw in a generous amount of K Singh's humour and wit and you get a book that's worth picking up. Singh skillfully analyzes the fine dividing line between obscenity, pornography and erotica, describing sex from Chaturbhani and his ideas on what the composite Indian woman is. Another book is, Men are from mars and Women are from Venus. The book gives us some insights about the do's and don'ts in a relationship. In general, men and women have their ideas about a relationship quite mixed up. It's not about sacrifice. But rather, it's about understanding. "You never listen to me"... "You never spend time with me" are women's favourite dialogues and "I don't want to talk about it"... "can we change the topic?" are among a men's favourites.
Our best advice, accept them as they are. We all have our quirks, but you don't give up on someone you love. (As mushy as that sounds, its true)
IMO, Middle age crisis is really a crucial phase of life, at least one of the partner needs to be wise enough to foresee the problems and try to resolve before it reached to a breaking point. Divorce is not a possible alternative solution.
KBhai, undoubtedly we could not comment on Hadith and do accept solemnly what our beloved prophet (SAW) had said.
What to do KB, when you live in this world and working for the life hereafter, we have to face the circumstances and situations which was not prevailing at that time. The level of tolerance, honesty, loyalty and integrity is barely exist and people are least bother of religion.
Did you check the number of divorcees happening this days and why new generation feel so scared to accept martial commitments?
Yes Brit, demonstration (love or hate) is mandatory in all the fields
Tinkerbell: Shades of Mrs. Doubtfire :O)
FathimaH: You make valid points - especially regarding moderation. Sometimes we can smother the other person with love and affection.
One last thing - Do we , in todays society expect too much from the other regarding "showing their love"..
Love for the life of this world is damaging to the life of the Hereafter. Anyone who values the life of the Hereafter will be indifferent to the life of this world. Therefore, prefer that which is eternal to that which is ephemeral.
HADITH OF AHMAD IBN HANBAL ON THE AUTHORITY OF ABU MUSA AL-ASH ARI.
Thanks for sharing Fathima. Most mothers do that.. put their children first. But yes, a split couple raises happier children than one living together in discord. But that being said, it's never an easy decision to make. Even in some worst circumstances (God forbid), it's very difficult for a woman to leave her husband. Too many taboos and scary propositions out there in the world. It all depends really. If the society is supportive, well enough. If not, a woman does not have much of a choice.
YES!! It's like you know what my parents were like. I believe my dad did and still does love my mom but he was never good at expressing his love and was on the other hand far too possessive of her to a point of obsession. It sniffled her really. Which is a good example of why our Prophet peace be upon him advised us to always be moderate in loving or disliking anyone.
And she on the other hand didn't love him, and rather than falling in love with him as time went by, his actions and emotions only deepened the drift between them.
I know my mom wouldn't mind me even sharing her story if it means people in similar situations can learn something from them and not make the same mistakes.
Certainly 28 years was no mean feet. But I would never recommend anyone do what my mom did. Simply because ultimately it never served even the purpose she thought it would.
IMO if a husband and wife really have totally unsolvable and uncompromising problems that lasts far more time than it should, then it's better for them and their beloved off springs that they throw in the towel early than having to put themselves, their children and even other loved ones through the trauma of watching their constant bickering and obvious lack of love.
My mom, like a lot of women, will admit today that she was wrong in prolonging her marriage for as long as she did, and her final straw was her love for her grand children that made her decide to take the plunge. She says she didn't want her grand kids to go through the pain and suffering she believes her marriage to my dad brought her children, her mom and siblings and even her in laws and other relatives.
What children need more is a stable home of peace and love, and not necessarily will that be achieved by their biological parents being together without any love and peace between them!
@Zanzibar Well what u said is correct woman must not avoid the husband for sake of children... woman must always be supportive and caring towards husband... its her first duty... then she must also care for children...
yeah correct how much ever men and women fight they have to live together and the fact is they cant live without each other
I agree with you fatimah from religious point of view.
While I am quite sure there will be many who would not agree with what you just said, from practical and realistic point of view; where one is trying to use/exploit other for personal benefits.
I see what you mean,bro. But I guess in that case selfishness exists within us all. Sometimes even all the great love we may trumpet for one another may have a streak of self interest attached to it.
In all honesty that's what makes me completely live by the hadith posted by Khaderbhai. Ie love for Allah's sake only. AND place your trust again only in Allah. Human beings are far too weak, fickle and prone to change to love and trust passionately and blindly.
Fatimah, just look from another angle....
don't you see the selfishness in the nature? to accomodate till I need you?
That's right! Howdya guess? lol..typical mom she is. Always put our happiness before her own.
Zanzibar: So so true!
Narated By Anas : The Prophet(SAW)said "None of you will have faith till he loves me more than his father, his children and all mankind." Ref-Bukhari Volume 001,Book 002,Hadith No 014.
Narated By Anas : The Prophet(SAW) said, "Whoever possesses the following three qualities will have the sweetness (delight) of faith:
1. The one to whom Allah and His Apostle becomes dearer than anything else.
2. Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allah's sake.
3. Who hates to revert to Atheism (disbelief) as he hates to be thrown into the fire." Ref-Bukhari Volume 001, Book 002, Hadith Number 015.
Narated By 'Abdullah bin Hisham : We were with the Prophet(SAW)and he was holding the hand of 'Umar bin Al-Khattab. 'Umar said to Him, "O Allah's Apostle! You are dearer to me than everything except my own self." The Prophet said, "No, by Him in Whose Hand my soul is, (you will not have complete faith) till I am dearer to you than your own self." Then 'Umar said to him, "However, now, by Allah, you are dearer to me than my own self." The Prophet(SAW)said, "Now, O 'Umar, (now you are a believer)." Ref-Bukhari Volume 008, Book 078, Hadith Number 628.
28 years Fathima... she must have waited for her children to grow up and leave the nest before she finally thought of herself :) I respect her.
And I have seen many couples co-existing under one roof in compromise. Sometimes this might be because men and women never learn to appreciate each other for who they are.
"One may compromise with situation many a times but ultimately one can't live without Love for sure" is true in many cases. I believe this is what caused my mom to divorce my dad after 28 years of marriage. The fact that she never really loved him, hence compromise was out of the question.
KB_transfer not love but signals to 3.
I agree with Tinks that it depends and changes from person to person. How much one is receptive in getting correct signals.
that depends on the man's calibre :P
PP a man has 3 grl frnd can love still be transferred to all 3 of them equally like prism mention money tranfer easily to 3 persons...?
lols prism :D
No tinks......One may compromise with situation many a times but ultimately one can't live without Love for sure.
It is not necessarily only from your spouse.
Thanks Pappu for supporting....Love never dies, when PP said transfer he means pass on to others being it is contagious.
Love is intangible, could not be expressed always in words and it is a feeling and with maturity people learn more about it.
So to all young bees wait for your turn.
Love can be transferred as in money transfer...thats breaking news...lol...:)
Thumbs up! The truth is not all men will be like the stereotype definition of a typical man, and not all women will be all feminine either. Each individual will be different from another, and even though we may very well end up in love with and/or married to someone totally contrasting to how we are, we then learn to accept each others imperfections,overlook their lil flaws, and appreciate their unique attractions and allures!
it depends on ur character what kind of love you are luking for :D
I agree to what u say but still the love remains and it will transfer. no one in this world can survive without love.
"We all have our quirks, but you don't give up on someone you love."
Surely, there must come a breaking point wheer "love does not conquer all"
PP is there any limit for flutuation like days,months, years or wud it be life long
it dies for that specific person while it get transfers to another
i agree to wht u said love never dies it fluctuates
Men dont cry becos before marriage they have no reason to cry and after marriage their tears dry up very soon looking after women responsibilities!!
Love for sure dies in the sense you dont love that person any more or have no such feelings for him/her any more.
I personally feels that Love never dies, it fluctuates and one need to work hard to keep the momentum.
Love blossom with time and take different shapes (emotional support)
Murray was crying because he lost a lot of money.
Tinks, if that the case then divorces would never have happened.
Brit...Murray was well aware about the result before the final match, no need to break down. We know that everybody lives on Hopes, nothing wrong in keeping hopes.
I didnt find anything wrong in Murray crying...the feelings must have been intense for him (backed by the expectations and the build up) as he was hoping to win the game as a british after such a long gap.
Funny thing about Murray crying.. It endeared him to many, but also some said that he was a wimp.
You can't win :O(
Lets accept the facts of Life and live together in Peace ;D
I still didn't understand Why Murray was crying when he lost at Wimbledon?