Changing attitudes and cultural values
My daughter invited her new friend home for dinner and she ame with her husband and their family friend.We were happy abt them bcoz we came to know another indian couple here.My daughter gave a grand feast as she always does and she gave away a return gift as a token of love which any indian traditional family does.
What hurts me was, they know there are kids at home, still they came bare handed which made me to feel bad, thou' my daughter din't feel it.But in our culture, we visit friends or relatives not bare handed but some thing.May be if there were kids, some cookies, small toys or etc...if elders were there, some fruits something but definetly not like this.
I think these young teenagers or young couple forget their values and traditions that they follow back home when they come to other countries is it ? If that is the case, pls follow the traditions you were thought from ur parents everywhere and anywhere.I really want to vent it here bcoz i cannot at home and we are well off and not expecting any things from others but as part of our culture, we should not go to meet others bare handed.Pls take it as advise from an elderly person.
they are not well off???
yes u r rite.....Whenever we go to a friends or relatives place, we'll definetly get something n go.
In case of attending some festivals or functions, i'll take flowers atleast for the pooja.It is not that they would not have bought flowers.Again its our tradition.
When some of my friends, come home,they get something for my baby and that too for the first time alone and it might just be a visit....no lunch or dinner...
nobody expects u to buuy them expensive gifts whenever u go to their houses.But if u r called for a meal, i would say definetly u shud get atleast a pack of chocolates for the kids.Coz they invite u and they prepare gud feast for u and everything out of luv so one way to appreciate them is by getting something rather than a "THANK U AND WAVE UR HANDS" as if they are bend to cook food to u.
Even if u go to a hotel u expect customer service, hospitality, etc...but u pay for what u eat.......
Nothin wrong in getting a candy bar or apples or dry fruits and it will cost peanuts to all u guys........
Hanshika- The younger groups r still good and may be at tme, as elders u need to mentor them.So don't get hurt....Be like ur daughter who is selfless......
Or perhaps a few bottles of Newcatle Brown ... :O)
Brit, should I bring you a lump of coal at New Year?
Some traditions are tradition for tradition's sake.
My heart goes out to you.. Bringing a gift is a token of respect and also shows that you have a generous heart and are happy to be invited to the home..
The young generation has indeed forgotten traditional values handed down by our fathers. And their father's fathers. And their fathers' fathers before them.
WK, "Not getting upset" is my point. Guests bringing gifts is good and may be desirable but getting upset for them not bringing one is certainly not a tradition. Its somehow insulting to the guest that the host is upset for them not bringing gifts :-)
well, its not a big issue after all...if the invitees have not gifted you anything, its their problem. why lose sleep over them.
or, do you expect your invitee to read this thread and go back to you with a gift....lol
Don't get upset or too personal about this traditional customs, beliefs, and practices. Even if their elders taught them about these things,,still it's up to the person if he/she wants to practice these. The thing is,,everything in this world changes,,,some can be totally changed and some can be modified to suit the way of living. The most important thing is, they come to ur house with respect and humility. They didn't broke or steal anything in ur house, right??? LOL,LOL...
If we invite visitors into our house, it is our duty to be hospitable and accommodating to them. we should not expect anything in return from them, especially in kind. A simple THANK YOU, is really a big worth!!!
drmana religion is not the only component which forms the culture but it's one of the contributing factors.
As for gifts, Relatives coming to our home used to bring some gift for me when I was young. They will give me money if they forgot to bring a gift but now if they don't I will not get upset about it.
WK, but our religion doesn't say we need to take gifts while visiting others. Its just a desirable tradition, not compulsory either.
If anything, Atithi Debo Bhava is what is to be practised. To accept guests with expectations of gifts in return can't be a tradition.
drmana religion is part of culture.
Now don't mix tradition and religion...both are not same
:-(
Don't get upset or too personal about this matter. Everything in this world changes,,,the most important thing is,,,they come to ur house with all respect,,,they didn't broke or steal anything from ur house,,lol....
the thing is, if we will invite people into our house, it is our duty to be hospitable and accommodating to our visitors,,,we should not expect from anything in return from them..what's important is that they come to our house with a humble heart and accepted our invitation wholeheartedly..at the end of the day,,a simple thank you that they enjoyed is enough for us to be happy
Lord Rama went to Thailand???? Really....I thought he went to Bali only :-(
Here read this for now..
http://www.hinduismtoday.com/modules/smartsection/item.php?itemid=3065
Don't ask me to go search in all the Hindu texts now.. Go read them and you will find the source.
Where is the rule that INDIANS are not allowed to travel abroad? May i know it pls.....
Even in our ethics, they say Lord Rama went to Thailand and he was in panance and still they say "Lord Rama was the first king"
Traditionally Indians were not supposed to travel overseas, you have abandoned your culture and tradition so why questioning if others have done it too?
Actually it is in our Indian/Lankan culture...and I do follow this all the time however I'm also aware that not all cultures practice this so I do not expect the same in return. It is a good habit though.. at least that's how we were raised.That you don't go invited to another's house "atha wana wana" (loosely translated as waving your hands around, which can only be done if your hands are empty!)
Don't get me wrong. When we invite people for party, we expect just their campany. We expect them come bare handed. Go with full of memories of a wonderful evening.
We keep getting more numbers each time we invite for party. It keeps on growing.
nithyarn, may be its tradition but to be unhappy with guest not coming with gift surely isn't tradition, is it?
it is not abt gifts guys. its abt tradition......
in older days, even now when u go to c elders back home in chennai(atleast in my place), we'll buy some apples or oranges also i have heard they give one lemon if they meet elder ones.does not mean what will they do with one lemon.
Even if u get QR 1 chocolate for the kid at their place, they'll be happy as if u have gifted an apartment.Its not the gift or money matters guys, again as VICTORY said its all abt tradition and culture.
Take things in a positive note and do not give sarcastic answers.
If the only reason you are inviting people is with the expectation of gifts then you need to revise your expectations else you will quickly run out of friends.
Victory, does "b" And "V" matter so much as long as you got the meaning? Now please don't give sarcastic reply as usual :-(
are you crazy? So you expected gifts from them!!!!
and values our parents inherit to us.
In todays time, it has become more on individual's way of living due to neutral family system and moral values are disappearing with time.
It is our duty to teach them these values politely!
drmana- its Bhava :)
It happens at times.Atleast not for our sake, for the kids sake they shud have come with some candies atleast.It has happened many times for me and it shows how the friends are with u.whenever my hubby invites his friends, they will never come without any goodies atleast for my baby,but mine.....few r like that.......cannot comment more.....
Uhhh! so the whole fuss is that your guests didn't bring any gifts.....whatever happened to ATITHI DEVO BHABA. Next time, don't invite them or inform them in advance about the gift requirements :-(