The Vow

To control a wandering mind is the toughest task for a young man .................................... Mon, 04.08.2014, 08.44 hrs

To control a wandering mind is the toughest task for a young man .................................... Mon, 04.08.2014, 08.44 hrs

Control a wandering mind is the toughest task for a man ....... Mon, 04.08.2014, 08.39 hrs

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Polyandry is still practiced in India!!! Now this is news to me. I knew it was there in a particular part of southern India some hundred years back but not any more.

Its funny when people say, polygamy is an exception but not the norm. Miss Mimi, when societies where formed and civilization began, they were mainly patriarchal and polygamy was the norm. Now, it still prevails as a norm in the whole of northern Africa and the Arab world.

You don't have to lie just to prove your point.

Maverick, Polyandry is still practised in parts of India, Nepal, China, the South Pacific and the Amazon. Yes you will find polygamy in Africa, but it is the exception, not the norm. Polygamy in societies has generally been used to represent wealth and power, it is not, however, the norm.

Miss Mimi,

Most primates, like gorillas do maintain harems.

Please tell me where in this world did the females maintain harems like tribal leaders still do in Africa. Or is your paradigm based on your childhood imaginations!!

Monogamy is an invention of the civilization.

MarcoNandoz01- so, LOYALTY is NOT common and NOT normal for men! lol ;-P

I thought men are born with free will????

As i said, men being born polygamous is what i think are men's best defense/ self justification who cannot control themselves. ;-P

Is it really? Because I was under the impression that polygamy was dying out here in Asia.

And no, it makes more sense from an evolutionary standpoint for one man to have children with one female, than with multiple females. He can only provide for & protect one female and their children, not for multiple. There is a better chance of raising children to adulthood if there are two parents and children, not one man, many women and even more children. That's too many mouths to feed and protect from Saber toothed Tigers.

Miss mimi: If it was so common and normal, why is it so frowned on today?

No it's not frowned on today. Maybe in the West but certainly is well and thriving in the oriental world.

Miss mimi : If it was natural too us, we would all be doing it.

Well sounds like fun but unfortunately it’s neither logical nor practical.

In order to propagate a species one male can have more offspring with many females than they can with a single female

If it was so common and normal, why is it so frowned on today? Why are women not capable of polygamy? If it was natural too us, we would all be doing it.

True. Wasn't the rule but was common and very normal.

Polygamy has been there, but as the exception, not the rule.

Nope polygamy has always been there. A respected marital form in many cultures across history. Ancient Jewdea, as an example, as well as in the Germanic tribes and Celtic tribes at earlier periods.

No insanity, it wasn't the norm, it was abnormal. If Polygamy was the norm what it would mean is that the vast majority of men never married or had mates at all. That isn't the case. The very reason people have been able to multiply as they have and develop as they have is based around the societal structure of monogamy.

And it's also a fallacy to say there are more women than men. There are but AFTER a certain age, as men die earlier than women. Actually, men and women are pretty much 50/50 at the age that they start to mate.

If you look at primates, they live in complicated societal structure of pretty much 50/50 males & females. Now they don't practice monogamy, but they don't practice polygamy either. All members of the tribe have sex with each other as it's considered a way to bond. Obviously humans can't do that because we experience jealousy as well as having the mental ability to realize that that kind of structure won't work once you start getting into a settled civilization based around agriculture.

Again, just because the sexual desire to "spread your seed" is there, doesn't mean we are naturally polygamous. We owe our society to the strong familiar bonds created by monogamy.

For men, sex outside marriage is just for the pleasure of it while for women it may be for specific reasons...and not always for fun.

It could also be to lure a man into marrying her, or to take revenge on the cheating hubby or just to make money..

Its difficult to understand women.

wow....and the we wonder why things do not move forward...

"...DK, it's a fallacy to think that human's are by nature polygamous. By nature we are actually monogamous. A male would be hard pressed to provide for more than one female and children. Just because the desire is there, doesn't mean it's practical...."

Polygamous relationships were the norm ever since mankind existed, and currently,

In middle east there are so many examples of polyandry, how can you state that it is impractical ???

It was always practical and is currently practical...the problem is that in current times people have been brainwashed by feminists and media who always portray polyandry in bad light.

There are statistically more women than men - if each women marries 1 man than there will be millions of unmarried women. What should they do to satisfy their physical and emotional needs which can be satisfied only through relationships ??

yes, a damn cheater!!

But still a cheater!!

caught!

Once a cheater.........always a cheater!!!

Miss Mimi, Ok, You have your reasons and I have mine. I find some of your answers irrelevant but it doesn't really matter and whatever be the reason for men's higher promiscuity, it is not gonna change for good.

It would be nice if other women have their opinions too on the answers you have given to the questions.

I'd divorce her ad walk with all her money Nah ha-ha!

This is going to be long, but ok, in answer to your assertions:

Why did primates move about in groups having fewer males than females?

___ They don't. Primate groups are pretty much 50/50. If the ratio is skewed, it's because, like humans, males are more prone to getting themselves killed. http://pin.primate.wisc.edu/factsheets/entry/chimpanzee/behav

- Why males are fertile on each and every day of their adult lives but women are not?

___There is no species where males aren't fertile every day, and no species were females are. It has nothing to do with polygamy/monogamy but more population control.

- Why did most resourceful men in the past were known to be sexually promiscuous and had multiple wives? Why is this not the case with powerful women?

-Most powerful women had multiple lovers (Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth 1st, Catherine the Great). But as I said before, being a monogamous species doesn't mean you lose sexual desire, just that it makes more sense for the continuation of the species. Other monogamous creatures, like swans, eagles, etc. All have sex outside of their partners.

- Why is prostitution the oldest trade in the world? Why do we still have more prostitutes and fewer gigolos? Is it not again a demand and supply scenario?

- No it's not. Women don't need to pay for sex. No matter how fat or ugly there will be a man who will have sex with her. Men can't say the same. In fact, this points more towards monogamy, because men will want to get a female to stay with them so they don't have to pay for sex.

- Why do men cheat on their wives even if they admit they love them? And why don’t women generally cheat on their husbands whom they love?

-Because monogamy doesn't mean you lose sexual desire.

- Why is a women’s body the focus of her sensual pleasures while for men it’s the women he is with?

Huh?

- Why most men would enjoy themselves having sex with any good looking women they meet but women would take time to accept a physical relationship.

-Now you're looking at social conditioning. There's much to say that women are just as happy to have random sex as men. However, it would probably have to do with women needing to be more selective when choosing the father of their children and their partner. Whereas men don't need to be as selective. This is more to do with the protector role of men, then monogamy or polygamy.

- Why women feel happy decking themselves up with cosmetics while men don’t? Is it not again appeasing your senses with your own charm and sexuality?

-to attract a mate. The most attractive woman will get the most attractive mate.

- Why magazines for women feature mainly clothes-line and fashion accessories while men’s magazines carry pictures of pretty female models on almost every page?

-Actually women's magazines talk mostly about how to get men.

- Why do men get bored sleeping with the same women and lose their interest sooner than the women get? And why do most men think, they would be able to perform better with a different and younger women?

-Now you're just making assumptions.

Nomerci, This is exactly what men are conditioned for. I have already said this happens when instinct prevails over reason. So,I agree with you on this.

I had to back up my statement when I said males had a polygamous past and that their sexualities have evolved under different conditions...so they are now different.

And because the monkeys did it it is ok for men to do it?

Miss Mimi, First let me make it clear, I am not justifying cheating on anyone's part. I just said, males have a polygamous past.

Let’s understand why and how male and female sexuality works differently by asking the following questions to ourselves. When answering them, keep the socio-biological evolutionary processes of modern human beings in mind.

- Why did primates move about in groups having fewer males than females?

- Why males are fertile on each and every day of their adult lives but women are not?

- Why did most resourceful men in the past were known to be sexually promiscuous and had multiple wives? Why is this not the case with powerful women?

- Why is prostitution the oldest trade in the world? Why do we still have more prostitutes and fewer gigolos? Is it not again a demand and supply scenario?

- Why do men cheat on their wives even if they admit they love them? And why don’t women generally cheat on their husbands whom they love?

- Why is a women’s body the focus of her sensual pleasures while for men it’s the women he is with?

- Why most men would enjoy themselves having sex with any good looking women they meet but women would take time to accept a physical relationship.

- Why women feel happy decking themselves up with cosmetics while men don’t? Is it not again appeasing your senses with your own charm and sexuality?

- Why magazines for women feature mainly clothes-line and fashion accessories while men’s magazines carry pictures of pretty female models on almost every page?

- Why do men get bored sleeping with the same women and lose their interest sooner than the women get? And why do most men think, they would be able to perform better with a different and younger women?

Women may have divergent analyses on the above, but for me, it all converges to one thing – Evolution has conditioned males to be polygamous by their instincts. You would ask me how!

Initially, in primates, when procreation of species was based on natural selection, females had the privilege to choose their mates having certain attractive traits, like good looks, bigger size, strength, attractive color etc. In most cases, the strongest and most attractive male in the herd would be chosen by many females. Those females couldn’t mate with other males during the season as they were not receptive to others once they got impregnated by the male of their first choice. This continued for generations and males started getting stronger, bigger and more polygamous. The herds started to form with more females and children lead by one or two strong males. This is how the earlier patriarchal families emerged.

Prism, You will not understand the above as you have the same hormones in you as Miss Mimi has!!

Dont know what kind of hormones of a man justify cheating on the spouse under the guise of polygamous insticts ... must be some special kind of hormmones...:) My man hormones dont kick in to accept the polygamous instincts of a man ...lol..it is getting hilarious and ridiculous.

DK, your thinkers can think what they like, scientists and anthropologists have found differently. Sorry, but I think I'll go with the anthropologists.

DID, Now, do you wanna listen to the excuses women give to justify cheating???

You will be surprised!!

Miss Mimi/ DID, What you think is fallacy is a fact realised by many thinkers since humanity began.

"Providing for two or more women and their children.." is what a man does, if he can, to gratify his instincts. you just admitted "..Just because the desire is there, doesn't mean it's practical."

Now, I did't say anything about practicality..I just said about the instinct which is deemed as 'desire' and due to this instinct, men have a polygamous past. Earlier, resources were in plenty thus almost every man had a polygamous marriage. Now, they are scarce, laws have changed, so the marriages are monogamous. But wherever, its practical and lawful..marriages are polygamous. So, I would not agree with you.

As a women, it may be difficult to understand this as you don't have the same hormones in your blood as men have.

BED!

Oh we singles can sure fall for a cheater, why not... but will not commit into a serious relationship...:)

to say for those singles that they will not fall for a cheater,once you experienced it already then do tell me what you will do... its a matter of choice even you know its wrong....

@tinkerbell 10,i like your answer...lol!

DID...exactly my thoughts. I couldnt say it myself for certain reasons...:(

Men are born polygamous (?) - I think is the best lame excuse a man can give to a woman to justify his cheatings... LoL (sadly, some women fell for this.)

"too dependent" and "dependent".

And honestly, if you have not met anyone of those women, then it's either they are not true to you or you are living in an unknown world.

"Precisely many women prefers to work themselves so they will not be too dependent on their spouses."

Flor I have never met a single working woman who says they work so they won't be dependent on their spouse. Women work for the same reason as men, to provide for their families and for personal achievement and satisfaction.

DK, it's a fallacy to think that human's are by nature polygamous. By nature we are actually monogamous. A male would be hard pressed to provide for more than one female and children. Just because the desire is there, doesn't mean it's practical.

Brit, the only example I could think of would be situations of extreme emotion, where instead of turning to each other for comfort a couple is forced to look elsewhere, and then realize after that this was the wrong thing to do. For example the death of a child. Both parents might be too busy blaming themselves to seek comfort in each other, and it might lead one to stray in a effort to find emotional relief, and then later realize what a mistake they made.

Also, situations like severe depression, or mental illness can cause someone to stray.

but in actuality, many factors will come in to re-think everything.

Precisely many women prefers to work themselves so they will not be too dependent on their spouses.

But who suffers the most? Right, the children!

If a bloke cheated on me, I'd walk away from the relationship and not look back. What is the point in being with someone if you no longer trust them. I wouldn't stay with him for the sake of children either. How can any bloke respect you if you don't have any self-respect.

he'll get a second. or third or fourth wife?

I will never spend a single minute of my life with a cheating spouse!

Please cite a few examples. Perhaps I can use them on Mrs. Expat ..

Yep, i agree.

Depends on circumstances,agree with above comments,you can forgive but you'll never forget..It will effect your relationship if you choose to stay..Trust is a big thing and once it's gone it's gone..

The feeling we experience as ‘love’, is a socio-biological conditioning, the intricacies of which are different in the two sexes. Male of the species has a polygamous past so his thoughts and actions are bound to be driven by the male chemistry. Also, fidelity is a social and legal requirement but not a biological one. An isolated case of infidelity in a marriage may purely be for a change, a spice for male sexuality, or defying a loveless marriage in relatively free societies. In both cases, it’s the instinct which prevails over reason.

Ideally, a loveless marriage, irrespective of any transgression, is better being done with but it’s always not possible for the sake of family or dependents. However, continued or repeated cases of infidelity should definitely end up in the termination of marriage for everybody’s peace of mind.

Again, possessiveness in a relationship has mainly stemmed from the same conditioning, different in males and females, over generations. For women, it’s more of a need for social security, thus womankind relate men’s infidelities as threats to their social status and survival. Secondly, for a man, infidelity of his women is seen as insolence in his dominion and disapproval of his masculinity. In both cases, self esteem is affected and it’s not possible for the ‘duped’ to carry on having the same level of intimacy. So, forgiveness is easier said than done...we are socially conditioned beings after all.

If the woman is strong-willed, financially independent and young, she has not much to lose going for a divorce. On the other extreme, women who are financially dependent on their husbands and/ or bound by religious or social orders of the society, have to come to terms with it. I think we should try to understand the above facts and not lose our sleep over it. If one cannot decide on what to do being cheated, I would say...Get Even and take your fire out!!

meant one forgave.

You can forgive and choose to stay yet it's really hard to forget... I think if it happens, you will always have that feeling that he/she might be cheating on you again...

I think some salvage the relationship for various reasons,. there's their children, their marriage or family image, political career, financial security, love(?) etc..

IMO, if i am not married yet, i will surely (no doubt!) let go, but if i am already married, I "might" have a different decision.

In Hilary's case I don't think I'd forgive UK, however I can understand why she did.

I think choosing to forgive or not is really a case by case basis.

Miss Mimi..Hilary clinton is a prime example of lady who forgave.

Norman Major, Ex-British Prime minister wife forgave him and the list goes on and on.

Infidelity has always been with men and women, some choose to forgive and others just give up and move on!

It would really depend on the situation. In general I would say I'd dump his butt and move on. However there are certain scenarios that I can envision where I would try and work on the relationship.

Damsel, Ok here's my humble opinion. As you said, it's easy to say what decision to take in a hypothetical situation. For me, cheating on your better half is unforgivable. But then again it could all change when you are really in that situation.

Britexpat..Taking in another wife is that not cheating on the first one?

own copy of it,really nice movie... :p

...once a cheater,always a cheater,i think the mother really loves him even for a single mistake.

Got to disagree. If they can do it once, then they can do it again ...

seen the movie last thursday.. i remember this scene..

well it depends on the scenario.. it was not clearly stated in the movie what happened during those cheating days..

come to think of it.. no matter how you force yourself to stay with the one who cheated you but if its his/her decision to leave you.. then thats it,, the way i see that movie's scene, still the father of paige still choose them..

during exams.. one will never cheat if he knows the answer very well...

cheers