Top of the morning jokes!

Hey! I would love to! I haven't been tickled for a while, actually yearssss!

;)

I will give you an advice if you want to smile/laugh/giggle in the morning,

HAVE SOMEONE TICKLE YOU :-P

Or online jokes could work too, its upto you.

LOL

Funny post though

I'm so sad to be leaving a company that I've served for over 20 years and a job that I've loved doing.

However, as I'm sacked anyway, I might as well tell you the story about a friends daughter that I was going to tell on air next week.

"This nice young lady gets a job as a teacher of physical education to a group of teenage boys.

One day she notices a boy in the field standing alone at one end of the field, while all the other kids are running around at the other end having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

"You ok sweetheart?" she says.

"Yes Miss" he replies.

“You can go and play with the other kids if you want" she says.

"It's best I stay here Miss. " he says.

"Why?" asks the teacher.

The boy replies: "Because I'm the goalkeeper Miss."

Yours Sincerely,

Andy Gray.

A horse didn't enter a bar as horses aren't allowed inside. So the bartender didn't ask "Why the long face".

Better jokes posted in QLIG today LOL.. by the astrologer :P

http://qatarliving.com/node/1647377

Okay nice jokes everybody!

Saeed your jokes have gone way too nasty.

Thanks everyone!

i wish i could bookmark this thread....loads of fun....

keep it up guyz....!! yalla....

lol britey...

How do u clean a condom ?

Answer : Simble, just throw it and get another fcuing condom frm the pack....:)

I think Rizks can help on this one ..

You have to guess who they are .........

Three QLers get married and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons. They decide that in the morning they will compare notes as to was the "fittest and how many times they managed it". However as a code to confuse their wives , they would pass the information by pretending to butter the toast.

The following morning, the couples are having breakfast together and the :

First Qler takes the toast - butters it once, winks and then twice.

Second Qler smirks. Takes the toast, butters it once, twice and a third time.

Third Qler, picks up the toast. Butters it once, then twice, a third time and then turns the toast over and butters it again ..

rofl

ermmmmmmmmm, I don't know many on here that well really but just for the hell of it, I will have a go-

Number 1 - Saeedkhan (sorry saeed; got an orange juice for you)

Number 2 - Time Bandit (here have a bar of chocolate)

Number 3 - You??? (Have a purple pill ;-)))

Three guys get married and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."

The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."

The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"

Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"

Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get it right.'

Ms. Cabbage, the noted therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone had sex.

To prove her theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often each person had sex.

The last man in line was bald, but grinning from ear to ear.

"Twice a day," the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man said no.

"Once a day, then?" Again the answer was no. "Twice a week?"

"No."

"Twice a month?"

"No."

When Ms. Cabage asked, "Once a year?" the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that her theory hadn't worked with this individual, and she asked the man, "What the heck are you so happy about?"

The man answered, "Tonight's the night!"

This Guy Waiting In Line At A Bank Is Standing There. From Behind This Other Guy Starts Massaging His Shoulder In A Very Theraputic Way. The Guy In Front Turns Around And Says, "what The Hell Are You Doing"? The Guy From Behind Says, "oh I'm Sorry, I Couldn't Helped Noticing That You Seem To You Looked A Little Tense, And I Just Happen To Be A Chiropractor."

the Guy Replied, " Big Deal, I Happen To Be A Lawyer, Do You See Me F***ing' The Guy In Front Of Me"?

:):) thanks!

How does it matter?

What a fool! He could have told her GF to ask her father to bring home some condoms for the event!

One night, Brit went into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained Brit "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

"Yeah, except today is the last night."

Hahahahahahahaha!

Nice one Khan and Brit!

Nice nice!

Women :O(

This woman rang me up last night. She says "come over, nobody is home".

I went over and no one was home!

I haven't been tickled in a while :D

I think I really need to test tickles. :D

Hehe!

M.E. you really need to test tickles! :D

What?

I was intending to do this forum to be happy, and you are talking about death.

Now whatever is between me and my God, it stays between me and my God.

So you will not teach me what to say every morning, and what to do, because you have got nothing on me. If I want help though I will let you know.

Thanks.

Edifis didn't have a TV.

So he drilled a hole through the wall into his neighbor Chocoholic's flat and watched the wrestling matches every night. He wondered why they show the same wrestling match every night?

Then he learned that the neighbor didn't have a TV either......

Britex you forgot to add a few red chillies to the bag of marble!

Hahahahaha!

Thanks brit!

Old one snessy but nice! ;)

Thanks!

Snessy, being bored with coffee mornings and visits to the local mall decided to get a job at the local toy factory making Elmo Dolls.

The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.

He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is Snessy. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

dry it is, edifis, can we put ice then?

If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?

Nice one choco!

Bestman we already said As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh...

Now it's not haram to laugh a bit. :)

Cheer up man!

Nice one choco!

Lets see more!

why not Funnies section

Nice ones. :-)

Edifis didn't have a TV.

So he drilled a hole through the wall into his neighbor's flat and watched the wrestling matches every night.

Then he learned that the neighbor didn't have a TV either......

Hahahahahahahaha! Bestman what a joke!

Now tell me which God to warsheep?

thank U bestman, for moving me away from QL, for the day....

nice....

lol,

very nice.....hope your rest of mornings are very lol..... :)-

PS: i'm pi**d off with some of friends here who dont wait for a sec to declare .."old joke, or "already posted"...etc etc...wait guyz...if you have already read it earlier, no probs, laugh again...there is no TAX on it unless you are in _______; try to laugh again...or if it's posted 100 times in QL, sky is not falling.....let it be 101th time.....

wish you all ..a lol day...:)..cheers...

Lol! :D

Hmmmmmm....sadly :(

Thought I could smile today...

I guess not.

So lets have some dry humor!

Well, it might be old, I am not a joke freak that's why.

Anyways, if you guys got some good ones, then hit me up with it!

Thanks!

Good joke, saeed. Good joke.

Oh yes, and ENGLISH in this forum, please.

I did not know that bestman was joking, saeed. Sounds as if he's serious. But I might be wrong.

You better go to the 'Religious Teachings' group.