Police arrest time traveller
Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
By Nick Hide on 01 April 2010, 10:33am
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.
The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.
Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
Professor Brian Cox, a CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
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Wasn't me! My friend sent me this! I guess he didn't notice the date either!
I thought so Olive. You were taken in. But good to laugh at yourself and admit it. that is one quality I really like about you. You are right down honest, even to yourself.
even I had to go back an check....1st april indeed. Olive, you made us an april fool towards the end of april:-(
HAHAHA good catch Mehnis, I didn't even realize this came out on the 1st of April!
If he is made to disappear then he definitely was the real deal. They didn't want the truth to come out.
disappeared or made to disappear?? How convenient. If such a incident happened where he just vanished I am sure there would have been more investigations and theories than just a report on the 1st of April. Was it a All Fools Day joke??
I would have gone back to 1000 BC and would have stopped every invention from ever happening.
overdose of science fiction novels and then the talk about the hadron collider may have caused this madness in him..
he actually needs help from a psychotherapist..
He is the real deal, vanished into thin air didn't he :P
yes olive, our future looks too bright :-P
I have no idea Deepb. Be awesome if he is a time traveller drmana, no poverty limitless energy, all in just a few years. YAAAAY!
Awesome, how come the daily mail missed this gem?
Well if he could disappear just like that from a cell, he might have been telling the truth....
the kitchen blender details :) That would be of interest to me.
Very funny. An apt 'criminal' at an apt site:)
Guess he went "home" then.