Joke time again - smileeee... please
Funny Flight Attendant Story
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one," to which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, b***h
___________________________________
C'mon guys, you're all so seri-oh-so-serious!
LOL TCOM GOOD ONE
do it right - the first time!
There were three guys talking in the pub.
Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over heir wives,
while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The third fellow says , "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
wicked one star but again i wish that part where the bacon grew on trees
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".
"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune,
and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable
kind! of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".
"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".
"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that...Luis races towards the tree.
He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....
...
...
...
...
...
Ees
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Ees, a Ham Bush"
this is like pulling teeth - no one got something to contribute?
mans best friend and women stay away
Nice one star..U seems to be travelling often........
Douglas the humble Crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly,
deeply and passionately in love.
For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate
scuttled over to Douglas in tears.
We can't see each other any more." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Douglas.
"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab; a poor one at that and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Douglas was shattered, and scuttled sideways into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came
from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess
refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side,
inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Douglas the crab strode in. The
Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King
Lobster rose from his throne.
Slowly, painstakingly, Douglas the crab made his way across the floor
...and all could see that he was walking, not sideways... but
FORWARDS...
Yes FORWARDS ! One claw after another !!!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he looked the King lobster in the eye.
There was a deadly hush ..........
Finally, Douglas spoke ..........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"F*#k, I'm pissed."
I am the Dog .... I beg , roll over, play dead, drool among other things tht i cant mention ////
...thought u meant a dog
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Yeah yeah wifey c i corrected it :P
Lack of food is killing me :\
They guy sounds like me .... thankfully i dont have the wifey :P
Indeed he means wifey...
Not too bad myself gng along...or rather dragging along...so whats for the evening...champ...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
The ULTIMATE in Women's Body Piercing
Men all over the country are urging their wives and sweethearts to get this 'chic' procedure. The going rate now exceeds five digits $$$$$
[img_assist|nid=36292|title=zipIt|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=132|height=180]
Not too bad thanks - just buzzzzzy like I said... howz things yr way?
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Went above my head...anyways how u doing today champ...hows things going...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room .
He turned & said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out his beer.
Ok tht was good :)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Not bad...mercury rising standards...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Morning buddy...hows things...missin ur buddy Coltie....poor guy...so hows things been so far...and whats lined up...
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief of the tribe,
"Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Texor Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive."
"For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake."
"Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people."
"It's very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"
It is indeed a lame one...no where ur usual class buddy....
----------------------------------------------
" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Not 2 bad ... Busy but i should b done soon... just waiting to get out of work n drive around all day .... Im so so bored n lazy with this lazy routine ... PLus im Hungry as always :)
... and yourz??
Ohhhh Starseed U need a Spanking ... :P
howz ur day goinn....
show me whatya got bud... jus whetting yr appetite
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Thts was lame :P
Not up 2 ur usal standards