how do you descipline your child?

yes indeed, children do grow so fast. I have a 6 and a half year old son, we usually spank him in the butt as punishment, or a week punishment of no tv and no games.

But we always talk to him, we explain why we got mad, not on him but on the things he did (his mistakes).

Also don't easily get mad and burst out shouting at him, this won't help, you'll just scare him.(been there, done that)

We always guarantee our unconditional love to him. We always let him feel that we always care though sometimes we are getting mad. Luckily, since he was a toddler, we didn't see him have tantrums over toys or goodies, never that he talked back... yes he also gets sad and mad for a while but then after minutes of talking and explanation he also felt better and learned a lesson.

We also remind him from time to time what not to do and what's to do, what's right and what's wrong...in this way he will remember his guidelines.

Anyways, to all the parents, goodluck to all of us rearing our children, may we always enjoy each and every moment of parenthood.

one smack each and they remember the day it happened and why they got it.

They have never stepped out of line again.

I think, certainly in England we have lost the plot with regards discipline. Teachers are not to discipline and neither are parents.

It is now illegal to smack your child and then leave a mark.

Well, I am sorry, but I bruise easily so if I was a kid and I was smacked I could crying to the police cry brutality, my parents would be in the pooh and not only have I got away with bad behaviour and got my mum and dad in trouble too.

I am not saying beat children but a smack on the leg or hand does not do them any harm. The best thing is be controlled about it. They do wrong, they get the smack. Move on.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

I am not a mother, but at a point of time I had to babysit my neice at the age of 2yrs and I used the super nanny techniques, and guess what it worked like magic

Bah, all those PC types will just breed tearaways and pansies and ofcourse asthmatics with food allergies/intolerances.......Nowt wrong with a good hard soled slipper to keep 'em in line and being sent to bed without supper should be on the agenda too!

Angelzeth08, we need to self discipline ourselve first, before we teach our children. But during the journey of training, our children become very smart to follow the rules when you are present.

Take away something he likes or likes to do. Remind him constantly that it is because of his behaviour he is being punished. Like everyone mentioned above it takes had work and determination to stick to rules and make sure that he follow them.

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HE WHO DARES WINS

My way to discipline him is to do the things that he doesn’t want.

This will make your child more adament and revolting each passing day.

You have to understand his/her needs and explain to ur child the reasons of your non acceptance of whatever you dont want him to do.

I like your style... Too many liberal types out there nowadays..

Thank you all for all your comments and advice, it really helped and give me lots of new perspective. After a night of thinking and beating myself up, and lots of calls from my mother. I was able to pull myself together to start a new day. Indeed, this is the hardest job one could ever have. The hardest but the most rewarding.

I think I have to give you a little glimpse of the personality of my son. I wrote this on my blog when he was 4 years old and I was pregnant. He is really a sweet kid but “kulit” (mischievous).

No Worries

I was really feeling very bad the other morning. Morning sickness again, I was vomiting so hard that I felt my eyes are ready to pop out. My son came running to me and massages my back. A little later he asked me if I’m feeling a little better. And for his sake I said yes. I don’t want him to worry. He then runs out from my room. Curious I followed him. He went straight to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I asked him what he wants. He answered, I need something cold. What for? The ant has bitten me and it really hurts. You always put something cold to stop it. I asked him, why did you not tell me right away so I can take care of it? And he said, Mama I don’t want to worry you.

I want to share also what my mother has told during all the phone calls that night. “Your son is still young; you have to have more patience. Do not always point his fault. Find the good things he does. Enjoy him while you can. Children grow so fast. You have to guide him not clash with him and FOR GOODNESS SAKE HE IS JUST 6 YEARS OLD! (Smack to my face!)

Well guys, thank you all again. To all who have more input please continue to post.

Cheers!

Give 'em a bloody smack! Never mind all this 'don't do that darling' don't do this darling'...go and stand in the corner etc etc...I give 3 warnings if it doesn't register then smack! That soon puts a stop to things!

no point trying to reason with them! Oh, and during potty training if they wee or poo on the floor rub their noses in it....worked wonders with my cats!

Did they sit up 'on time'.

Did they sleep through the night 'on time'

Did they understand 'NO', 'on time'

We ALL fail but we ALL do right.

There are numerous books on how to raise children but none on what it is to be a loving confused, tired, emotional parent!

With my kids all I wanted for them was to be polite, kind to others, not racist, kind to each other and eventually be independant.

Discipline is diificult as, I think, we measure our level of discipline on how we were raised.

I admit my boys have so much, in my eyes they are 'spoilt' but they are not that 'spoilt' they are brats. I gave/give them what I did not get.

However, let one of them forget please and thankyou or say anything awful about another I am down on them like a ton of bricks.

Be consistent. You are the adult and remember most negative behavious can be changed in 2 weeks at most.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

it takes UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to fully discipline your child.

Well its going to be harder at 6 as from what i have seen you need to be starting from 2-3.

As mentioned earlier - CONSISTENCY, you cant tell him off one moment then let him get away with it another. Keep doing this and eventually you can mold him.

Well in my opinion Shegoo!

Bringing up a child is a parent’s main responsibility. You know your child more than any one else....each child has some unique qualities and obviously he may have some negative habits as well. Training a child with the combination of reward and Punishment is the best way.

Discipline can be taught to a child by teaching him some rules first...If he follows those rules...encouragement is a must...

Your punishment shouldn't be severe, keep in mind his age; he is totally dependant on you.

Don't blame him everytime, you’ll destroy his personality.

Ignore his small mistakes sometimes...but do let him know afterward about those mistakes.

Be friendly, Share your thoughts with him, and he'll consider you a friend.

Encourage him on his small achievements.

Punishments:

Stop his outing for one time, stop some amount of his pocket money, give him some strict warnings and be firm on it.

Rewards:

Take him for his favorite fast food, play area, offer him a cartoon film, or a toy.

Here's one bit of advice. If you ever hear a person talking about spending "quality time" with their family, it means they're not spending enough time with their family, and want a way to justify to themselves and others their deficit. They're trying to say the small amount of time they spend with their family is better than the large amounts of other people. Claptrap.

parenting is never like a breeze, especially when done on one's own... it's the most challenging job ever because what your child will become in the future depends on how you raise him...have faith..you'll get through it...

Eeeee... Shegoo, who ever said it was like a breeze. I am so consumed being a mother that I seem to have lost my real adventurous self. Now that my boy has grown a bit I can organize my life better. But I do love being a mom and all the love/attention/tight hugs/kisses my little one gives me.

hi ngourlay,thanks for your reply. I'm asking how here how others descipline their child not how I will raise my kid. I have my own ideas and following it of descipling him but as I say afterwards the guilt feeling just get me. is it just me? or other people felt it too. I can see some parents seem just doing it like a breeze. but in my case It's very hard to keep him on track. I don't think there something wrong of comparing and getting what is the best for your child. I think that's all the parents want for their child.

Why dont you buy one of the 'Super Nanny' books?

or google her see what you find???

Sheqoo, explain him the consequences of his action through stories. For eg. you know what happened to this kid named so and so who was doing exactly like you...... Exaggerate the consequences.

You may also give him some positive examples of good leaders/scientist or else even charcters from 'seasame street' - whatever takes his fancy. This will develop some positive reinforcement in character and you will feel less drained. In extreme cases you may have to punish him physically. After all you are his mother and have his best interest in your heart and let him know this in explicit words. Above all keep repeating that you love him and don't want to punish him as HE IS NOT BAD but his ACTIONS/BEHAVIOUR is BAD.

I find 'ummjake's' sticker suggestion very effective. In my school we use it to discipline unruly children.

If you think it's the right choice, then beat him. It's one less kid that my boy needs to compete against when he's grown up.

Seriously, if you're asking random strangers on the interweb how to raise your child, you're doing it wrong. Very, very wrong.

shegoo - cannot change them in a day or two. He is 6 , a major portion of his grooming is over , and I am sure you had your short falls , which is your own mistake. Now relax, give it time , but you got to keep trying , slowly , sure they will change,

First thing every small kid should be taught is the word NO, with a getsure with your point fingure up. Thats where it starts , they learns its forbidden to him/her. Too much of agrevations also given negative impacts, they learns its ok..

Appreciate and compliment him for everything good he does, and every time he listens to your instructions. That boosts his moral to get more of them to please you.

good luck.

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Listen to Many..Speak to a few.

it's how they figure out the boundaries of behavior. For grown ups it's frustrating, but you can make it less so by being consistent and clear with what's expected.

Tell him what you expect of him, and what will happen if he doesn't follow your rules. Then follow through. It's hard. Trust me -- it's more difficult to walk away from an almost filled grocery shopping cart because your kids just had a meltdown and is screaming than it is to simply buy him that chocolate bar he wants. But if you do that, you're rewarding his bad behavior and then he learns that he just needs to make a fuss and make you uncomfortable to get what he wants.

Figure out his buttons -- things he wants and likes, and use those as privileges that you can yank when he misbehaves.

Timeouts are great too -- budget about a minute for every year old your child is. Have them sit quietly away from people/toys/things for that length of time when they misbehave. (This doesn't always work as easily as one would like -- many times I've had to grab my kid and physically restrain his flailing arms and carry him upstairs and hold the door shut until he calmed down enough and stopped screaming so that he could actually do his time out...turned the whole thing into a 40 minute episode by the time it was all done. But in the end he was calm, he had done the time, and we'd talked about what he did that was wrong, and what were some better choices he could make in the future when that happened again.).

The old carrot instead of the stick approach works wonders for kids. Create a sticker chart for all the good things he does, with a reward if he gets so many stickers. I did this for my kid's bedtime routine. My kid always wanted to sleep with me, would argue about bathtime, etc....it just got frustrating for me. So I made a sticker chart -- he got one sticker for taking a bath without it turning into a war, another for brushing his own teeth, one for taking his vitamin, one for going to bed on time, another for going to bed in his own bed, another for STAYING there all night....and if he got three days in a row with 6 stickers each, then he got a prize. He loved it, and it really made the whole process a lot less stressful.

I'm not one for hitting kids, though I've certainly seen some kids who could use a good smack and I have nothing against parents who do occasionally spank. But in general, I think you can accomplish pretty much everything you need to re: discipline without resorting to that.

Good luck -- it's the toughest job you'll ever love!

When your child is in a good mood, try to talk to him in a nice way. Explain to him the do's & dont's. And when he did something good, praise him and give a little reward. It doesn't mean you need to give him something huge. An ice cream or a candy or even a hug or a thumbs up sign will do. Just so he will realize that he is also capable to do good things. An open communication line is very essential. Good luck!

I'm a mother of five (3 sons & 2 daughters) I may not be perfect but I tried to deal with them fairly and get in to their world. On the other hand, I even learned from them. And ont thing I've noticed...

Handling children's anger can be puzzling, draining, and distressing for adults. In fact, one of the major problems in dealing with anger in children is the angry feelings that are often stirred up in us. It has been said that we as parents need to remind ourselves that we were not always taught how to deal with anger as a fact of life during our own childhood. We were led to believe that to be angry was to be bad, and we were often made to feel guilty for expressing anger.

It will be easier to deal with children's anger if we get rid of this notion. Our goal is not to repress or destroy angry feelings in children--or in ourselves--but rather to accept the feelings and to help channel and direct them to constructive ends.

As a parents we must allow our children to feel all their feelings. Adult skills can then be directed toward showing children acceptable ways of expressing their feelings. Strong feelings cannot be denied, and angry outbursts should not always be viewed as a sign of serious problems; they should be recognized and treated with respect.

To respond effectively to overly aggressive behavior in children we need to have some ideas about what may have triggered an outburst. Anger may be a defense to avoid painful feelings; it may be associated with failure, low self-esteem, and feelings of isolation; or it may be related to anxiety about situations over which the child has no control.

Angry defiance may also be associated with feelings of dependency, and anger may be associated with sadness and depression. In childhood, anger and sadness are very close to one another, and it is important to remember that much of what an adult experiences as sadness is expressed by a child as anger.

Learn to deal with your son, he needs your more than else...

How do you know when your child's behavior is a cause for concern. The key is to look for patterns of behavior that include the following:

excessive arguing (especially with parents, teachers and other authorities)

outright defiance

absolute refusal to follow rules and comply with reasonable requests

unwillingness to take responsibility for behavior; blames others for his mistakes and outbursts

deliberately annoys or upsets others (you may start to wonder if your child enjoys this)

seeks revenge, rather than being reflective

when he's upset, he says mean and hurtful things

seems chronically angry and negative

If this describes your child, then he may have something called "oppositional defiant disorder". For a psychologist to diagnose this, your child must exhibit these behaviors in a number of settings—not just at home—although your family will probably bear the brunt of these unsavory experiences.

Be Consistent - Discipline kids by following through. If you take a privilege away from your child for a certain length of time, don't give in to his appeals to shorten it. Children want and need clearly defined limits.

Stand united with your spouse or partner. To discipline kids effectively in the home, parents must stick together. (Of course, the consequences must be agreed upon and must be appropriate to the situation.) When there is a conflict, take the time to sort things out. If your children have been fighting, but you have not been witness to the event, listen compassionately to each child's story, but refrain from taking sides. Instead, focus on helping them come to a resolution. To discipline kids effectively, make sure the consequences are appropriate and related to the event that created them. For instance, if your child screams and throws a toy, remove your child from the play area and talk to him, rather than taking away his television privileges for a week. If you find that you are ready to snarl or rant at your children, take a moment to regroup. Breathe in and out slowly. Think about something you love about your children and center yourself in that feeling before you respond. Discipline kids by teaching them a better way, rather than blaming or shaming them.

It is easier to discipline your child if you understand their motivations.

From birth, the only way a baby can communicate is through crying. They cry for all sorts of reasons, however the response is always the same. A parent will come to them, and the parent will try to appease whatever reason the baby is crying for. This behaviour continues on even until the child can talk. Because of this, humans are programmed to realise that crying elicits a certain response from other humans, and that is usually a desperate attempt to fix the problem. Human adults manage to limit their automatic response to cry every time they are upset, however children are very clever. Children know what type of reaction crying gets, and they will usually unknowingly use it to their advantage to get what they want. Have you ever seen a child throw a tantrum? That is a child who knowingly uses tactics that will bring about a result that they want.

As a parent you have to sort out whether your child's cries need some genuine attention, and which cries should be ignored. Within weeks of consistently ignoring crying that is caused by the child not getting what he wants, you will find that he will no longer cry because of it, as it generates no response from you anymore. And when I say ignore the crying, I mean completely act as if it is not happening. Pay him no attention and continue doing whatever you were doing as if everything was normal.

NB: Boy babies are typically left to cry alone a little longer in their cots than girl babies, which perhaps helps to explain why as adults women are more likely to cry. The men have been somewhat programmed to realise there is not as much point in crying because the attention they sought, is not as readily given.

Angelzeth08, he is truly the dose of my own medicine. I can see me in his ways. that's one of the reason I am really trying to discipline him. It always ends up like this to me, sleepless night of thinking if I did right or wrong.

I can say that not all the time that I am available for him. I have a 9 months old daughter that needs my attention also.

madam the secret to discipline is patience & understanding...you must understand his inner most feelings & wants as a child. be his playmate & best friend!!! PUNISHMENT isn't the answer for discipline! He is your mirror...meaning whatever is your negative actions & character which you show infront of him will record in his memory. He is the "Dose of your own medicine".

you have a point there SolidSnake9, he might think that it's not worth doing it because there's nothing to lose anymore. but on the other side, will it not make him get away doing wrong?

one thing I learned is huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away.

thanks pennypitstop

I tried but sometimes I think I'm being too hard on him.

If you say something stick to it.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.

When you want something to get done, he will ignore you as much as he can. You will have to tell him over and over and over again. And it will end up with the time out or standing in the corner. That’s the way it goes everyday.

Tell us what he did or does.

My thoughts are my own, but I doubt my Mum would agree with some of them.