How can childrens be raised properly?

Unconditional love, mixed with strong sense of discipline and quality time. Children will do as we(parents) do, not as we say. So basically I believe we have to lead by example

luxury, Qataria78?

Ever hear of Warren Buffet? He's got a net worth of $62 billion.

"His children will not inherit a significant proportion of his wealth. These actions are consistent with statements he has made in the past indicating his opposition to the transfer of great fortunes from one generation to the next. Buffett once commented, "I want to give my kids just enough so that they would feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they would feel like doing nothing."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_Buffett

I guess it seems to many expats here that a lot of Qataris do the latter.

Why do you think that actually earning a living is like "being tortured your whole life"?

Personally, I find it rather empowering to know that I can support my family and myself. And I actually enjoy my job and am very fulfilled by it.

You seem to be expressing conflicting ideas here. On the one hand, you're defensive when someone says that women here don't work a lot or raise their own kids. Then you say that if people can, they should save their kids from the awful pain of having to actually work for a living.

So which is it?

"Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise."

-- Maya Angelou

Well said Crapcircle!

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ourselves. The basics of raising kids like "live your talk", proper discipline, proper education, inculcate values and morals may not be enough because environment can be also very contagious. There may not be a precise way on the proper way of rearing our children, however, the great burden remains on us parents.

It would take hardwork of values inculcation, perseverance and perisistence to mould our children into becoming fine young men and women of the future. Not an easy job going deeper into the hearts of our children to touch their senses and let them feel how important it is to lean to be human and a person of intergrity when they grow up. You would have to face defiance which is very painful for us parents to feel.

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IF you had the ability to let your children live in luxoury wouldnt you do that . COme on , Who are you going to leave your money too , your self . That is what i saw in the western world , the family is wealthy and the children are working in macdonalds to earn a life. So whats the point for them to suffer if we can let them life a descent life and give them what they want , or hold the money from them and see them being tortured their whole life and when i grow old and then they will inhernet my money when they grow old and suffered .

I agree that you haven't got anyone to leave your money to but your kids. But let me remind you one thing people around these parts forget, ISRAF IS HARAM. Do you know why the west is always rich, and will always be rich? Because they teach their kids the MEANING of money. They teach their kids to be productive members of society instead of being PARASITES. I am pretty sure that back in the day young kids here were taught to work the land, to fish, to help with chores, like in any place of modest wealth. There is no torture in learning how to earn your own bread and make your own wealth. When you spoil a kid, when you teach him that smashing up a car is nothing, that destroying, wasting money means nothing, then he will never respect hard work and devotion. Easy come, easy go. It is one thing to reward, to keep up with society and it's norms, but to deliberately spoil, you are ruining these kids, destroying them.

WHY WHY PEOPLE ARE JELOUSE OF US THAT WE HAVE KHADAMAS , CARS , HOUSES everything they would dream of and they would even dream that their pearnts treated them the way we treat our kids

I sure ain't. In my country it is a shame to have a "khadama". It means the family is unfit to meet their domestic needs. Either someone in the household is disabled or has a problem if they have a "khadama". Granted the average household doesn't have as many kids and we don't build such huge houses. Cars, well most people have cars. I actually prefer good public transportation to having to drive, park...I'm not jealous of any people from the gulf. They had it rough for centuries and now in the last 50 years they had some luck, they deserve it, for sticking to their land through thick and thin.

under parents guidance.

Every thing deprnds on the parents how they mould them.

dads are nice.

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that they could afford to have a servant back home in their own countries.

But I think the point that sevillon is trying to make (if I understand him correctly -- and he can correct me if I am wrong) is that there are many families here where the parents (mothers AND fathers) don't seem to be very present in their children's lives, and that the kids end up being essentially raised by the hired help instead of mom and dad.

I DO think that things are changing in Qatar, and many more women ARE working mothers, and so they aren't just sleeping or shopping while someone else looks after their children. So you're right on that point.

But let's be frank: it is not uncommon to see local kids running around wild outside and their parents are nowhere to be seen. Instead, there is some poor, impotent person from the Third World whose job it is to 'take care of them' and follow them around. They have no real authority, the kids don't respect them or listen to them the way they should (and whose fault is that? mom and dad's), and onlookers are left thinking "what a bunch of rude ingrates...".

I know you can find a**hole kids everywhere (there are loads in my country, God knows!), but for those of us who grew up not as financially privileged as most of you Qataris, the bad behavior here just kind of smacks us as being the product of poor upbringing.

It's great that your family leaves the kids with a grandmother AND a khadama, because I agree that being around a responsible family member is invaluable. But certainly not everyone does that. And grandma, being 50-60-70 years old, certainly can't be expected to supervise the kids and go everywhere with them (to the Jungle Zone, etc.).

Bottom line, I think, is that kids have to be taught to respect ANY adult who is in charge of taking care of them -- mom, dad, nanny, teachers, neighbors, whoever. And that adult needs to be trusted to have the judgement and given the authority to handle situations that will arise if mom and dad aren't around to do it themselves. If this happens, then the kids get a consistent message and (hopefully) a decent upbringing.

"Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise."

-- Maya Angelou

...The brain gives one knowledge, but the heart gives it….Direction….and enriches life in a way that logic alone cannot. In the end, it’s not the brain but the heart that wins out and makes your life fulfilling.

One can grow up and be a super genius, but without the emotional balance and steadiness that comes from an educated heart, a person's life may not run as smoothly as they would like, and even wind up being wasted or wrecked. No one wants that for their children.

Educating the heart is done by teaching Life's Lessons - the overriding principles that govern our lives - and the matching Life Skills that make it work.

Educating the heart develops good character qualities and includes such things as . . .

.Honesty

.Kindness

.Integrity

.Unselfishness

.Being a willing and diligent worker

.Doing chores without being told

.Reaching out and helping others

.Learning conversational skills

.Making and keeping friends

They need to know ....the purpose of Rules (creates order out of chaos), and why they have to follow them.

They need to know that . . .

THE WAY THEY BEHAVE IS THE WAY THEY ARE TREATED.

…source: Martha Steven..raisingkids

get a well train maid especially pinay because pinay is very loving person... and she can teach good manners also...

I know God has a good plan for me and my family...

I think the maid is a good thing to help you around the house, so YOU have more time for your children.

Coming from the west , I just can NOT imagine having a maid in my house . We do all the work , cooking , cleaning , kids and so on.....

Anyways, it is a big difference where you come from, culture plays a role in it of course.

Even though my parents raised me as a half hearten christian , I still did the total opposite of what was wanted from me. Not to disrespect my parents, just I have different views of things, nothing my parents can do about it.

And yes it would be nice if all grand parents would want to help raise their grand children , but not every grandparents are here to help or just simply can't or even don't want to help.

And in the west it is more often the case they simply don't want to raise your kids :(

IF you had the ability to let your children live in luxoury wouldnt you do that . COme on , Who are you going to leave your money too , your self . That is what i saw in the western world , the family is wealthy and the children are working in macdonalds to earn a life. So whats the point for them to suffer if we can let them life a descent life and give them what they want , or hold the money from them and see them being tortured their whole life and when i grow old and then they will inhernet my money when they grow old and suffered . Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ??????????????? . Sorry but this qoute is wrong """""cut them off if they marry someone that they don't approve of""" i think you watch to many movies or something of that sort .

(((((((((((((((But it's important to realize that a lot of these difference in attitudes and perspectives are influenced by culture))))))))))))

Yeah right , at least our attitude towards people are kind and not when someone asks us a question we run off away from them , being scared of getting robbed . Come on you know our cultrue is safe and people are kind and WHY WHY PEOPLE ARE JELOUSE OF US THAT WE HAVE KHADAMAS , CARS , HOUSES everything they would dream of and they would even dream that their pearnts treated them the way we treat our kids . YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

the paddle is a gift from heaven. Not for teens, too late then. Then the paddle only creates the opposite effect to that which is desired, but from 6 to 10, a good belting takes care of most essential "don'ts". And of course having "domestic labour" raise your kids is pretty damn backwards too. If you can't raise your kids, don't have them. Plain and simple. Domestic labour is for cooking, cleaning, but parenting? Ridiculous.

chit chat and talk on the phone yeah right .I have all the time , what are you talking about . why do you think were still in the medieval ages where we sit around doing nothing . I am a working mum and when i get back from home i am with my children all time . why do you think all Qatari women are just house wives sitting at home doing nothing . I am sorry to tell you this but your Totally wrong . One thing i want to point out here , where does your wife leave her kids when she goes to work , in the kindergarten right , well we leave them with the khadama plus the grandmother of the child so they are not left alone with the khadama for your information . Plus Why are people so jelous that we can afford to bring a khadama if you had the ability to do that in your country then you would have done that ages ago ... FOR GOD SAKE PEOPLE

Certainly if women are working mothers, they often need to hire nannies to help with the kids. But even though many more local women in Qatar are working, there are quite a number of them who aren't working, yet STILL hire nannies (not housekeepers, but nannies).

The bottom line for a lot of the differences people here are mentioning is cultural values. Yes, we in the west usually leave our parent's house when we're 18. To Arabs this might seem cold and unkind, but I would guess that most westerners view this very differently because most of us yearn to be set free in the world, to be independent and not have anyone tell us what we can or can't do.

And if our parents charge us rent when we become adults and we still live at home (though honestly not all western parents do this, in fact I would say most do not), it's to teach us that money doesn't grow on trees and that we're responsibile for taking care of ourselves.

To be honest, there are a lot of parental behaviors here that seem overly-indulgent and irresponsible to me (buying kids anything and everything they want, not expecting kids to help out with chores around the house, doing everything FOR your child and not letting them become independent, etc.). But that's because of my cultural, socio-economic upbringing, I'm sure.

There are exceptions all over (some western parents don't teach their kids anything about personal responsibility, and some Arab parents aren't always there for their kids and will cut them off if they marry someone that they don't approve of), but I think there are some generalizations one can make.

But it's important to realize that a lot of these difference in attitudes and perspectives are influenced by culture, and that you can't necessarily say one is good or bad. It SEEMS that way to each of us because of what WE think is correct or better, but everything is relative.

"Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise."

-- Maya Angelou

its just funny seeing people hiring someone to raise their child given the fact that some mothers here have all the time in the world. they just prefer to chit-chat over the phone or go sumwhere in the world doing shopping than having hands-on care on their children..

Ideally I think one parent should be home until the child is old enough to go to school. I know this is difficult, but a lot of jobs nowadays can be done from home and 0-5 are the formative years. After that it's about educating, understanding, disciplining and loving.

Well its not about letting khadamma raising the children . Nowadays there are working mums , even abroad they leave them home with a nanny or take them to kindergarten . your saying that most of the parents doesnt know how to nuture their children . At least we dont throw our children in the street when they reach 18 years old and if they stay in the house we ask them for rental money . At least they have a place to go back to whenever they want and will care for them and be there for them always

Beating them with a loving Fist is not the solution to raise children properly.

Lovin, Caring, Playing and proper Guidance all this would be enough for raising any children properly.

Khadamma is not the solution to raise children properly,parents are the one responsible in nurturing their children in which most of the parents here doesn't know how...

Beat them... but with a loving fist

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I think it should start from seven years slowly.

Because teenage at the earlies may start at 13 yrs old, so if they start knowing bad friends at seven then you will give them 6 yrs to learn bad things.

We have an expression or saying which is as follow:

The big cat can not be behaved.

The best thing i guess is to make them aware to chose good friend circle.And the awareness should start when they become a teenager.

I am not a troll

has a good point there, sometimes , YOU as a parents did all you can do and still the kids turn on you and is the total oppersit of what you showed him/her or teach them , I have seen it so many, many times !

'not a troll'

Most likely they will turn out well. Some won't but at least you'd know you've done your best.

you have to give your children RESPECT, that is what we want for ourselves, that is what everybody wants, that is what the kids want. Respect them and give them the freedom of being themselves , no need to force anything on them

Qataris dont bring their kids in Masjid to play football

atleast I can pray peacefully.

Reminders before Ramadan

http://www.islamhouse.com/p/50832

be a good example to your kids.....because what the child see is what he/she thinks good.. and it will always be followed

I know God has a good plan for me and my family...

But still there are youngsters who turns just the opposite even though all these share and cares are done.

What ever is done by our parents should be forgiven, and I think phippine maid did not give birth to him and suffered as his mother did.

Both love and descipline are essential. Credibility is crucial too. Parents must always be honest and truthful to their children without giving mixed signal. This way they will learn to respect and trust them.

Parents are their children's guides through major transitions in life, for life is too short to be wasted in trial and error.

Yes,of course its hard to believe.

When i was in my 15,i doesn't had mobile phones.But now, my brother who just celebrated his 15th birthday last night,asked me for a 'Blackberry storm' as a gift.

see the difference.

Khalid good to see your non religious topics..:)

It’s the ultimate goal of any parent is to raise a happy child who will become a successful person in life.

It starts from the very moment when a mother knows that she is pregnant. Keeping yourself happy during the pregnancy is very important. Both partners should work on it.

Don’t expect a child to behave like an adult.

Teach them when to behave and when not to behave. I mean they should be aware that certain things are accepted in the house but not in public.

Spend as much time as you can with your children and show them how much you love and care for them.

you touch is important, hug and kiss them for their smallest achivements.

Don’t insist on making them your clone. Let them be themselves. Doesn’t mean leave them the way are.

Disciple should be there.. ..disciplined children are more happy in life. But it should age appropriate.

Encourage them to participate in sports and extra curricular activities; they can vent their extra energy in that rather than being hyper at home.

Teach them kindness and sharing. Teach them honest at very early age itself.

Simple punishments are acceptable…. but not harsh ones.

Make them independent that improves their self esteem.

Raising a happy child is very challenging, but end of the day it pay off all your efforts.

well i leave my children with my mother which is their grandmother , Since i know she will keep them on the right track like she kept me . I know she will help them raise them the way my grandmother helped raise us . I remeber my grandmother was part of our lives that is why i want my mother to be part of my childrens life so they will be raised the same we were raised in a close family stuck together , are there for each other and love each other .

Apologies. But, I find that extremely hard to believe !!!

love your kids, care for them, invest in your time, dedication, money, thoughts to raise them. Prioritize them over anything else.

All the rest will come for granted: you will then want to give them the best education, you will want them disciplined, happy, aware of today's dangers, ....

Was it not an old Arabic tradition of sending young children away for their early years and when they were older and trained they returned back? What happened to this Arabic Tradition?

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HE WHO DARES WINS

I know a Qatari guy who doesn't look after his mother when she was old.I asked him 'WHY'?His reply was..

"A philipini Kadhama was caring me when i was a baby.she gave me bottle milk,she played with me etc.. then why should I if she doesn't?

an apple tree never produce a strawberry..as the saying goes children is the reflection of parents...bad parents never produce good children. if you think your not a good parent try to get a Pilipinos to raised your children..

start to dicipline your children during his/her very young age....

I know God has a good plan for me and my family...

If children are left to the Khadama only then your child will without any idintity.

It is called generation gap.Human needs are unlimited.

in vatican city for sure he will be a holy one..

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Discipline... Kids today don't know how lucky they are..

We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

Get one Khadama from any Asian country..simple