During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was, which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.""Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.""No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Frenchieman decides to join the Foreign Legion. He joins the training camp and gets sent to a training camp. One night, he comes back from an exercise covered in cow poo.
"Why are you late back in ze camp?" snaps the Commandant.
"Sorry, mon Genral ," says Frenchieman, "but as we crossed that field full of cows my hat blew off, and I had to try on thirty before I found it again." :O(
This is an old joke, but i still have a laugh when i read it.
There was a Japanese who went to Manila for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!. After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 1000 Pesos. !!!!The Japanese exclaimed, "What??? so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, Made in Japan VERY VERY FAST !!!!! :P
A young cook, Frenchieman, decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. Frenchieman searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest, Father Pierre, at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. Frenchieman successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them. One restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. Frenchieman replied with a smile, 'I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have... a hutch back of Notre Dame.'
Rizks Kutty goes to see his doctor: "Doctor, my sex life is terrible, absolutely terrible!"The doctor examines him, and says, "You need exercise. I want you to run every day, two miles a day. It'll improve your heart rate, your general well-being, your self-image, your libido. Then call me in a week".A week later, Rizks calls his doctor, says "Well, Doc, I've been running every day, two miles a day, just like you said".The doctor asks him "So, how's your sex life?"Rizks says "I don't know. I'm fourteen miles from home."
Brit took his dog to the vet for its annual check-up."Your dog is overweight," the doc said. "You should cut back on his food a little and make sure the dog gets some exercise. Just try playing fetch with him.""That's impossible," Brit replied. "I can't play fetch with my dog.""Why not?" asked the vet."He can't throw", Brit said.
A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3-year-old grandson at every turn.It's obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Rizks, we won't be long; easy boy.'Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say, 'It's OK Rizks, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here; hang in there.'At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Rizks, Rizks, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Rizks.'Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Rizks is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.''Thanks, lady,' replied gramps, 'But I'm Rizkd\s . . . the little jerk's name is Johnny.'
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?""Yes‚ I know‚" said the lady‚ "I need both hands to hold onto this hat.""But‚ madam‚ you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied‚ "Sir‚ anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
Britey: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams. Son: No father I'll score 100% marks. Britey: Why are you kidding? Son: Who started? :(
Sadly, you all missed the best joke - which was the start of the topic :O(
ANYHOO -
Colt45 goes to London and found himself in the Underground late one night. Seeing a notice "DOGS MUST BE CARRIED ON THE ESCALATOR", he moaned to himself, "And where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?"
strawberryshisha was speeding down the highway while she was knitting. A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle. "Pullover!" the cop says "No!" SS replied, "They're mittens!" :(
britey, thanks for creating this thread..so sick and tired of reading debate n some threads..at least this thread will make you feel good as you start the day at work.. ;)
Ones the bus was full of people. Britey looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place...
"Welcome aboard Qatar Air Doha to London", said Rizks.."We are pleased to have some of the best pilots in the industry... Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!'Then he progressed to the famous ' Fasten Seatbelt Routine' . What he said was: 'To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love the more.After the plane landed, he said: 'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants'His final announcement was: 'Thank you for flying Qatar Air. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'
Rizks and Britey went to the movies at the Grand Cine Center to watch "Harry Potter" but because of two women loudly chatting together who were sitting in the row in front of them, Rizks was unable to hear the dialogue clearly.Rizks leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, 'Excuse me ladies but I can't hear.''I should hope not,' stormed the woman, 'this is a private conversation.'
Britey was sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there is a knock on the door. Britey opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?" :(
Britexpat was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to LP, "I wish I could do that."LP looked at Britey and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!!"
lol LP !A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver (LP) turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the LP, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?"LP replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money." ?
An elephant meets Rizks who is naked. The elephant starts to laugh out loudly. "What?" shouts Rizks. The elephant says. still laughing:" That's cute! Can you really breathe with it?"
Qatar's winter months are brimming with unmissable experiences, from the AFC Asian Cup 2023 to the World Aquatics Championships Doha 2024 and a variety of outdoor adventures and cultural delights.
Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a sweet escape into the world of budget-friendly Mango Sticky Rice that's sure to satisfy both your cravings and your budget!
Celebrate World Vegan Day with our list of vegan food outlets offering an array of delectable options, spanning from colorful salads to savory shawarma and indulgent desserts.
Bisdak that is sooooo funny
more jokes guyz.... ;-)
During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was, which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.""Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.""No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
hahahha nice....
Frenchieman decides to join the Foreign Legion. He joins the training camp and gets sent to a training camp. One night, he comes back from an exercise covered in cow poo.
"Why are you late back in ze camp?" snaps the Commandant.
"Sorry, mon Genral ," says Frenchieman, "but as we crossed that field full of cows my hat blew off, and I had to try on thirty before I found it again." :O(
This is an old joke, but i still have a laugh when i read it.
There was a Japanese who went to Manila for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!. After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 1000 Pesos. !!!!The Japanese exclaimed, "What??? so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, Made in Japan VERY VERY FAST !!!!! :P
A young cook, Frenchieman, decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. Frenchieman searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest, Father Pierre, at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. Frenchieman successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them. One restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. Frenchieman replied with a smile, 'I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have... a hutch back of Notre Dame.'
Rizks Kutty goes to see his doctor: "Doctor, my sex life is terrible, absolutely terrible!"The doctor examines him, and says, "You need exercise. I want you to run every day, two miles a day. It'll improve your heart rate, your general well-being, your self-image, your libido. Then call me in a week".A week later, Rizks calls his doctor, says "Well, Doc, I've been running every day, two miles a day, just like you said".The doctor asks him "So, how's your sex life?"Rizks says "I don't know. I'm fourteen miles from home."
Brit took his dog to the vet for its annual check-up."Your dog is overweight," the doc said. "You should cut back on his food a little and make sure the dog gets some exercise. Just try playing fetch with him.""That's impossible," Brit replied. "I can't play fetch with my dog.""Why not?" asked the vet."He can't throw", Brit said.
Which isthe most confusing day inBritain?FATHER'S DAY!...!.........80% don't know whom to wish.And rest 20% r scared someonewill come & wish them....
Grandpa
A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3-year-old grandson at every turn.It's obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Rizks, we won't be long; easy boy.'Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say, 'It's OK Rizks, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here; hang in there.'At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Rizks, Rizks, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Rizks.'Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Rizks is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.''Thanks, lady,' replied gramps, 'But I'm Rizkd\s . . . the little jerk's name is Johnny.'
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?""Yes‚ I know‚" said the lady‚ "I need both hands to hold onto this hat.""But‚ madam‚ you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied‚ "Sir‚ anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
Ms. E-Claire Chocoholic was explaining to Rizks how nature makes up for a person's deficiencies.
"For example," she said, "if a man is deaf, he may have very good eyesight, and if a man is blind, he may have a very good sense of smell."
"I think I see what you mean," said Rizks. "I have often noticed that if a man has one short leg, then the other one is always a little bit longer."
hahahaha..silly..
Britey: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams. Son: No father I'll score 100% marks. Britey: Why are you kidding? Son: Who started? :(
Sadly, you all missed the best joke - which was the start of the topic :O(
ANYHOO -
Colt45 goes to London and found himself in the Underground late one night. Seeing a notice "DOGS MUST BE CARRIED ON THE ESCALATOR", he moaned to himself, "And where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?"
strawberryshisha was speeding down the highway while she was knitting. A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle. "Pullover!" the cop says "No!" SS replied, "They're mittens!" :(
britey, thanks for creating this thread..so sick and tired of reading debate n some threads..at least this thread will make you feel good as you start the day at work.. ;)
Ones the bus was full of people. Britey looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place...
"Welcome aboard Qatar Air Doha to London", said Rizks.."We are pleased to have some of the best pilots in the industry... Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!'Then he progressed to the famous ' Fasten Seatbelt Routine' . What he said was: 'To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love the more.After the plane landed, he said: 'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants'His final announcement was: 'Thank you for flying Qatar Air. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'
Q: What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control pills?A: A trip without the kids.
Rizks and Britey went to the movies at the Grand Cine Center to watch "Harry Potter" but because of two women loudly chatting together who were sitting in the row in front of them, Rizks was unable to hear the dialogue clearly.Rizks leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, 'Excuse me ladies but I can't hear.''I should hope not,' stormed the woman, 'this is a private conversation.'
Britey was sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there is a knock on the door. Britey opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?" :(
Alcohol and calculus dont mix...Dont drink and derive.
LP was speaking to a smartly dressed Chinese lady the other night.
"What do you do for a living" asked LP.
"I'm a Pirate." replied the lady.
"Oh, you sail on a boat." LP asked.
"No, I fry pranes!" she said :O(
Britexpat was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to LP, "I wish I could do that."LP looked at Britey and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!!"
Ha, ha, ha.
lol LP !A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver (LP) turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the LP, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?"LP replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money." ?
An elephant meets Rizks who is naked. The elephant starts to laugh out loudly. "What?" shouts Rizks. The elephant says. still laughing:" That's cute! Can you really breathe with it?"
One eye flickering and one eye giving a deadly stare !