Funny english sentences - Add some if you hav

If I write the way I write usually..... this is the only forum where it shall be accepted.. but Damn...

all words are been typed properly n spaced correctly this time.....

What the H...

When Boss says "Ashwin..lets pull up our Socks..

n get back to work...." I actually did.... the first half, 2nd was not for me for sure.... :)

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Reality is a Illusion Caused Due to Deficiency of Alcohol

"i offed the lights already"

"my friend and me were conversating"

y ppl lik 2 rit lik ths? r thy crzy? y iz dat?

one big mac for me and a tiny mac for my small kid.

Ø The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Ø The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

Ø Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ø Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Ø The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Ø Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Ø Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Ø Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ø For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Ø Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Ø Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Ø The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

Ø Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Ø A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Ø At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Ø Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Ø Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Ø Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Love & peace

a policemen was chasing a snatcher...

policemen: freeze!!!!!!!

then the snatcher stops.....

policemen: ok, defrost!!!

I laughed myself into a singer sewing machine then!!

off the lights

on the lights

fall in line

wait a while

current location

I will hoist that up the flag pole and see who salutes it!!

Shreeya ur a critic aint ya!

thanks

No need to write everything here... You can find them everywhere....!!! Lol..

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" Failure is Not an OPTION "

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I was in a shoe shop the other day and I asked the man how much some shoes were..he replied,

'300 two pieces, Madam'

Adams.apple and Gothic.man are the synonims of each other?

Everything's gonna be alright!!!

what Funny?

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Life is short...300 meter before roundabout!

you may laugh and roll over the floor...

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An employee applied for leave as follows:

'Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave.'

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From an employee who was performing the 'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son:

'as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days..'

( mundan ceremony is one the kid will be shaved off his first hair, which parents will keep till 18 months )

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Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

'as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave..'

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Another one

'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave.'

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Another employee applied for half day leave due to his friends death :

'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave'

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An incident of a leave letter:

'I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday.'

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A leave letter to the headmaster:

'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today'

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Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

'As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.'

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Covering note:

'I am enclosed herewith...'

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Another one:

'Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below...'

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Actual letter written for application of leave:

'My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave'.

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Another Letter writing:-

'I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.'

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A candidate's job application:

'This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

been in the driving school 2 months ago,

on the 10th day, i was asked to drive along the highway

my teacher sits at the passenger's seat and said:

"you understand now good little little driving. now you go,."

so i keep on driving,in the main road, he asked me to pull over,

i stopped on the roadside, but forgot to turn on the signal flasher,

he told me in a high voice,

"why you NO understand lights? these people car back will NO understand where go you! sometimes you accident baden problems everythings!"

)now i understand(

open the windows , let the airforce come in.

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff... and I want in. - Homer

Idle crap!

Whatever you vividly imagine, Ardently desire, Sincerely believe and Enthusiastically act upon, Must inevitably come to pass.

I no know eglish...I laffing..hehehe

He don't know what to do