Extra Marital affairs
Hi Friends.....not as serious as the subject reads...this is just some jokes for thursday morning...
The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The 3th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 4th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 5th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
This brings brightness to a gloomy november...We should try to accept these things that can make us smile instead of tolerating heavy feelings caused by affairs...
I enjoyed it really....
Lol...UK...
They are not nice but are very funny..:)
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"HE WHO DARES WINS"
Derek Edward Trotter
nice ones!
LOL - excellent!
'Up there for thinking....down there for dancing.'
Lol...reminds me of this hotel where the waiter used to do that.....you buy 3 and he just charges for 1 and tip him some extra.
That place was near my office and most of our colleagues used to go there....I just couldn't solve the mystery how the guy used to tally the balance sheet....lol
A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address,
and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston ,
a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room,
found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 November,2009
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in..
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
~noms~
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"Before God we are all equally wise ' and equally foolish" - Albert Einstein
enjoy the weekend
good thanxs
i liked the 1st n 3rd ONE.
thanks for sharing
Haha...I enjoyed it..thnx..
You made my day good.. hehe..
~noms~
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"Before God we are all equally wise ' and equally foolish" - Albert Einstein
Very funny, thanks for the laugh :-)
*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****
Brilliant! Have a great day!
Do what you need to do. Just make sure you can live with the consequences
its nice havee a nice weekend
those were good ones....a few i'd read before.but worth reading again :-)
Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor
True Friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.....
I think you saved my weak and sad thursday morning!!! uahauahauhaha