Ok, reporting back. After extensive investigation I realised beer is not for FSM followers only. Lots and lots of IPU followers enjoy it. In fact, it seems to me like beer is the unifier between the two groups. Who would have thought that!
I'm off to investigate the beers (or bears?!) proposed by the opposition. I'm not converting, I'm just doing some investigation! I'm still pink inside.
edifis, I saw the light when her holy pinkness did a miracle and took away 15kg from me, 5 more than what that evil spaghetti made me put on. Her HP forbid I put on 10kg!
It's the weight of five nickels, a chocolate bar, a hummingbird - and, according to the acclaimed movie of the same name, the amount of weight we lose at the precise moment we die, perhaps as the soul escapes the body.
Chalk the idea up to urban legend, because doctors say there's no modern physiological evidence of the phenomenon. But there is, it turns out, a historical basis for the claim - albeit one based on scientifically flawed experiments.
Tucked away in a 1907 journal called American Medicine is the story of Dr. Duncan MacDougall of Haverhill, Mass., who postulated that the soul had substance and, therefore, a measurable mass
You should do your conversions properly, adey. The soul is going in all four directions, so you have to multiply it by 4. If "your" measure is 1/12 and mine is 1/8 then we can calculate with 24 as common denominator and multiply the .8 Newton with 4 to get 5/6 which approximately is .8
I see you believe the filthiest lie every told and faked by all those 'scientists' with their 'measuring' and 'weighing' machines, that a soul is 0.8 Newtons!!!
Of course we all know that our inner unicorn weighs twelvety Hooves (we do not recognise that strumpet Newton and his scientific ways)
Do you know, in Oxford, if you deny Newton they can put you in jail and poke things up ya bum! Where is your free speech now?
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
Pink holes just don't qualify as hell, drac. They're leaking. And if you want I can call 'black holes' holes which absorb all radiation and won't let go again because the escape velocity is higher than the Speed of Light. I strongly refuse being called a "racist" just because I have no color TV!
Absolutely interesting theory, Dracula. But, have you ever considered that hell might be a black hole. Then the masses of souls (each weighs about 0.8 Newton) will be added to the existing mass and contract the black hole further and further. At the brink of contraction the black hole will release the mass through a white hole into another universe and the "bad" sinners of our universe will come out as the "good" angels on the other side.
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by wife during my honney-moon that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you' .
Then we take into account the fact that I slept with her, therefore number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct.
.
Logically, this leaves only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,in the honey moon,wife kept shouting, 'Oh my God!'
I have my ham ways, you have your mushroom ways, but we have the pineapple to bind us; we must truly thank her Hooved Highness(mhhnbs) for sacrificing our socks equally.
Feel blessed in the knowledge that eye patches, parrots and tri-quarter hats can never divert us from our horniness.
Peace
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
It has only come to pass lately by revisionist/corrupted followers of IPU(mhhnbs) that She(bbhhh) is a vegetarian - whoever heard of just a Pineapple Pizza? NO! Pineapple can only go with Ham as She(bbhhh) intended.
They substitute mushrooms for ham but Nah, that's just something the hippies believe so they can have pineapple and mushroom pizza instead.
And what does the Purple Oyster of Doom grace his Pepperoni pizzas with? - Yes! MUSHROOMS!!
The truth is spelled out by scholars such as I - a 'fat one' has been announced - She(mhhnbs) is not a vegetarian.
Return to the fold edifis, and let's not hear anymore about the diamonds!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
it's started, you asked for it - my daddy's bigger than your daddy!
Where is your embassy here again? I'm going to write a letter mildly rebuking your lack of respect and post it to them!
Silly Germans! May your filthy Ocktober Fest move to.......er....November (What!? it does?) Ok then July so the beer gets warm! That'll teach ya to mess with Her Pinkness(bbhhh)!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
Eh!! Tricky Question.. You want to test my faith ha?
surely her majesty the divine pinkness is a vegetarian.
She only liked the smell of Double bacon cheeseburger with french fries.
Being divine she can perceive the olfactory senses of Humans, and can see things from others perspective. Such is the greatness of our Divine Pinkness.
If you did not know, know it now and never doubt this fact that Her highness never eats anything unless it has the Green stamp in it.
bring your diamonds to the next meeting, maybe we can do a deal? after all what are diamonds worth next to bathing in the pinkness(! naughty, naughty!). I will look after the despised diamonds for you.
Testimony to the benefits and drawbacks of accepting Her pinkness:
“I was driving from Sacramento to home with just a half tank of gas in my car. That is not nearly enough and since I didn't have any money or credit to buy gas, I decided to pray to the IPU for help. The IPU answered my prayers and I made it home with just enough gas to reach my driveway. The IPU worked in a mysterious way by allowing a big storm to blow a strong southerly wind up the central valley and bring large amounts of rain. This gave me a tail wind which improved my gas mileage enough to reach home. It appears that the storm that gave me such good gas mileage is going to cause wide spread flooding up and down the valley but I suspect that the people who will get flooded out are unbelievers living contrary to the laws of the IPU.”
Steven L. Preszler
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
You're all fickle heretics...so easily have you forgotten my yesteryear Diamondism thread? Bah to the lot of you...I'll have to conjure up another cult following...
"Some claim that the IPU is only truly invisible to non-believers, while others claim that this is simply wishful thinking mixed with hallucinations. Some say that the IPU looks invisible, but feels pink, while others say that she is pink but impossible to look at."
Ha! Caught you out!
No one knows!!!
Are you a Pirate?
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
A message from the Purple Oyster of Doom, pro-porting to be a concerned member of the public, to get the insidious false god FSM established and sow seeds of doubt in the hearts of the faithful followers of Her Pinkness, - ('Blessed Be Her Holy Hooves')
"I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures."
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
I hearby make you the Goddess of the Invisble Pink Unicorn sect..
Actually, I would suggest changing your name from Fatcat to perhaps "Bast" - She was the Goddess of Sensual Pleasure in Ancient Egypt, but she took the form of a cat..
for giving me the courage to post about Deviant and Anti-IPU Websites.
The FSM now has an official church ( see here: http://www.venganza.org/ ), members of which are also known as Pastafarians. Their only function is to seduce the IPU faithful with heretical views on heaven. DO NOT VIEW THIS WEBSITE!(as told to me by She whose hooves may never be shod)
FSM Heaven - Pastafarian beliefs state that heaven is filled with 'beer volcanoes' as far as the eye can see, and also has a 'stripper factory'*
*It is not particularly clear whether these factories produce female strippers, male strippers or paint strippers. The reference to "beer" is a mistranslation of the Pirate word "BEAR".(a bit like the 'raisin/virgin/wife' controversy in some other desert religions)
See Pirates:
Pirates - Pastafarians have a strong link with traditional pirates due to the fact that pirates share more than 99.9% of their DNA with humans, leading to the assumption that humans evolved from pirates. They also point to a correlation between the world's dwindling pirate population and the increase in global warming, thus they promote and practice the dangerous ideology of 'Piratism'!
Peace to all non Pirates
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
MD: The pink unicorn came on dreams and told me that i shouldn't show the movie of his fight with the T-Rex because it's written that he's invisible and showing His image is sinfull.
Only God Can Judge Me
الله فقط يمكنه محاكمتي
I am you and you are me, if you love i love, if you suffer i suffer
أنا أنت, و أنت أنا, إذا أحببت نفسك أحببت نفسي, إذا عانيتَ عانيتُ
You are unfair to yourself, cat. You mix religious aspects (like gaining weight) with physics. You are using the unit for mass (kg) to describe a religious phenomenon. Why do you people always try to mix science and religion?
Well, in my revelation I instantly put on 10kg after eating the spaghetti. After pledging alliance to the Pink Unicorn, I immediately lost 15kg! If that's not a miracle I don't know what is.
It's adey who will clearly start the war. He already pointed out that the number of holidays is different between the two religions. All he does with this is stir up hate. He also came up with some "conspiracy" theories on numbers. Those who don't know arithmetic will surely be left out. What more do you need to start a revolt?
If one believes in the "Unicorn" and the other one believes in the "Monster", then it's basically the same. A unicorn is a monster, so two names for the same entity.
You think so, MD? I think we've been pretty civil despite different beliefs. Clearly some people prefer FSM whilst others have chosen the IPU. Dracula even chose to combine them two, which is not too bad a choice. Nobody is really attaching other religions here and I hope nobody will. Each to their own, right?
Ok, good news. I had a dream - otherwise known as revelation. The pink unicorn came to me with a huge bowl of spaghetti. And I ate it. And put on 10kg instantly. So that's it for me, no more flying spaghetti. I'm with the pink unicorn.
Marhabtain, I take deep offense to you insulting my religion doubts. How dare you say I have a sense of humour? This is a serious matter and not a joke, you drunk thing.
I guess it's true - one cut'n'pastes a few things from the internet (saves time not actually thinking about things) telling people the rules of a religion and all the sheeple flock around!
:D
Peace
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
Theres a guy on this looking for a job in animation - I suggested that he tries QL - its run by Muppets right? Hic! Yippee, Yippeee, its Bombay gin for me!
This is wonderful. My grandchildren will have 3 extra holidays. One is Prophet Adey Birthday, The Day of his enlightenment 09/10 and the day he will renounce his body.
She prefers Pineapple and Ham Pizza to Pepperoni and Mushroom. The latter said to be eaten only by followers of the despicable Purple Oyster (of Doom).
The Followers of the IPU have more Holy Days than those of all other faiths put together, as any Holy Day of any faith is automatically an IPU Holy Day. Holy Days are used by the Faithul to sow seeds of doubt and uncertainty in the minds of addicts of other religions. The Holiest Day of the Year is April Ist. It is the day on which the She suggests we find a religious nut and say "There is as much evidence for the existence of your god/gods as there is for the Invisible Pink Unicorn, why don't you check out her website, may be you'll learn something?."
A significant number to followers of the IPU is 42. It is the answer the question, "What is the meaning of life the universe and everything". Importantly, if you add the digits of the year in which she was revealed togther, (1+9+9+4) you get 23. If you add 4 (for Her hooves), add 2 (Her ears) add 2 (Her eyes) add 1 (Her Horn), add 1 (Her tail) then add 9 the result is also 42. This proves the significance of Two Score and Two.
Certain chosen followers of the IPU are blessed with visitations, shown with signs in their laundry. See the Revelation of The Lost Prophetess of AOL for more details.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
I am an infidel.Me want to covert to IPU. Prophet Adey I read your holy text, I want to know the truth. cans't thou show me the way and guide me so I will attain salvation.
In the beginning Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn's bountiful gifts, Fatan created Haagen Das Ice Cream and Magnums. And Fatan said: 'You want hot fudge with that?' And Man said: 'Yes!' And Woman said: 'I'll have one too ...with sprinkles.' And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Fatan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.
So Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn said: 'Try my fresh green garden salad.' And Fatan presented crumbled Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn then said: 'I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.' And Fatan brought forth deep-fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Fatan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Fatan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Fatan created McDonald's and the .99 pence double cheeseburger. Then Fatan said, 'You want fries with that?' And Man replied: 'Yes! And super size ' em!' And Fatan said: 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then...Fatan chuckled
and created the National Health Service...............
heero, I'm still investigating them as I need to make and informed decision. I am hoping to have a revelation tonight in the form of a dream. If it happens, I'll report back tomorrow.
heero, I'm still investigating them as I need to make and informed choice. I am hoping to have a revelation tonight in the form of a dream. If it happens, I'll report back tomorrow.
It is proved because, if you notice in your socks - you often find holes in them when you pull them out of the dryer - pierced by her horn during a visitation to your shrine - doubt it not!
Sometimes the whole wash comes out pink - a proof of Her Pinkness if there ever was one. It is said that She cavorts with one of her chosen Stallions in the midst of the spinning laundry. It is the afterglow of their lovemaking that imbues clothes with Her pinkness.
Also ye may know that ye have been especially blessed if you find that one of your socks has gone missing. Surely a sign from Her Horniness. If anyone questions why ye are missing a sock, simply reply "My Mistress had need of it." No one is certain what She does with the socks, but rejoice for ye were chosen to make this sacrifice.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
1. Verily am I blessed among women, for I have had revealed unto me the Truthful Doctrine of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (Peace Be Unto Her).
2. And this was the manner of it. For I was wandering and confused upon the beaches of A/sa/teague, when I was approached by a small and shaggy pony, which did attempt to eat the apple which I was holding. "Away," I cried. "Foul beast, would you steal the apple which is mine?"
3. Then did the pony look down upon me, and spake: "Child, do you not know me?"
4. And I said, "Verily, it is not my habit to consort with local wildlife."
5. And the pony spake thus: "Quit it with the 'verily' bit, OK? Know, then, you ignorant heathen, that you are in the Presence of the One you have sought, but never found."
6. And lo! the shaggy pony disappeared, and I felt myself to be in the Presence. And indeed was the Presence pink, and shaped like unto a unicorn. Yet such was the overwhelming nature of the Presence that I could not, in truth, look upon it.
7. For indeed, my friends, it is for this reason that the great Pink Unicorn is called Invisible, and that is, that the Presence is too great for our small eyes to truly see, and too awesome for our small minds to comprehend. It is by our faith alone that we know her to be Pink, and a Unicorn.
8. And truly those who say otherwise are heretics and unbelievers, and shall be cast into the Great Manure Pile where her Sacred Dwarves shall indeed nibble on their kneecaps for all eternity. And serve them right.
9. Yet when I felt myself to be in the Presence I was afraid. And I cast myself face down in the sand and begged, "O Galloping Goddess, forgive me that I did not know you, and do not send me forth to eat lunch with your ancient foe, the Purple Oyster of Doom. For he will force me to eat pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, and I shall be most afflicted."
10. And Her Pinkness proclaimed, "Do not be afraid, my servant, for you have been misled by the false prophets who quote Chapters and Verses of books which do not exist. And yet I have also revealed to them the Eternal Truth, and indeed have they mangled it."
11. "And furthermore shall you know that it is fitting that I be celebrated by prophets who do not exist, in verses that do not exist, for books that do not exist. For my own existence is of a dubious and contradictory nature, and I like it that way."
12. Then was I much confused, whereat I asked, "Then how, O You Whose Hooves Are Never Shod, shall I know how to behave myself, if even Your holy books are not to be believed?"
13. And thus spoke She Who Is Pink, and said, "That is what I shall tell you, for I shall reveal to you the Truth, if you will just shut up and listen. And verily, get your face outta the sand."
Chapter 2
1. And the Invisible Pink Unicorn spoke unto me, and said, "Write this stuff down."
2. Therefore did I search my pockets, and came up with a bunch of 3x5 index cards, and also a ballpoint pen.
3. Then did Her Equine Self touch the pen with Her marvellous horn, and lo! it turned pink! And I was much amazed, and began jotting down this account.
4. And I said unto the Principle of Unicornity, "If we're going to be really appropriate, shouldn't this be in invisible ink?"
5. Surely then was the Great One annoyed, and She spake, and said, "Do not be a wise-ass, my child, unless you want a hoof-print in your forehead. But, if you must know, when you post this to the Internet, which is the centre of My worship, then indeed shall the pinkness of the writing be invisible."
6. Thus was I first afflicted by the terrible jokes of Her Invisible Pink Glory.
7. And the Unicorn spoke again, saying, "Write this. First, know that there is not merely one doom reserved for unbelievers, but a Very Big Number. Therefore am I shown to be greater than any other deity.
8. For who else can boast the Hell #655, wherein transgressors are punished by having to listen to the endless drivel of uncountable net.kooks?"
9. "Who else can boast Hell #333, where fundamentalists are continually sawn in half by stage magicians?"
10. "Oh, and note down that there is no Hell #666.
11. For that would be too easy."
12. So did I write all that down, and the Invisible Unicorn said, "Come again next week."
13. And the Holy Writings on the Sacred 3x5 Index Cards in the Blessed (Invisible) Pink Ink were put in the Very Devout Plastic File Box, where I left them, buried in the sands of A/sa/teague.
The Gospel According to St. Sascha Kokott
1. "If thou were to behold me thou wouldst surely die," sayest the invisible Pink Unicorn, "for thou canst not see both my pinkness for it is invisible."
2. Then came one Bob of the Burger King, devout and of repute before the law the son of Ed, the TV repairman, son of Anderson the town drunk, son of Michael the shoeman.
3. On this day Bob tempted her Excellency by attempting to view Her Pinkness' pinkness.
4. Her Excellence was moved with anger: "How darest thou oh Man to view my pinkness I shall smite thee with bad spam."
5. Then the Lord Goddess smit the Burger King with bad spam, and all of the inhabitants thereof had a Maalox night.
6. But the people made prayer and supplications thereof, and the Goddess was pleased with the sweet odour of the bacon double cheeseburger with fries, she therefore made a proclamation:
7. "I shall set my bow(tie) in the heavens that never shall I again smite Burger King employees with bad spam. For the inhabitants thereof may taste of my mercy and see that my invisible pinkness is all.
8. I am the Invisible Pink Unicorn and there is not any other… I know not any."
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
MD, I could never be a prophet. I'm too normal for that. For starters, I simply couldn't impose my religion on anyone. Unlike this britexpat, who's trying to convert me from my peaceful pink spaghetti to this evil Knights that say Nicht. Satan!
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I worship beer and dancing on benches. ;)
Are we talking real beer from Europe or the vile stuff from USA also ?
Ok, reporting back. After extensive investigation I realised beer is not for FSM followers only. Lots and lots of IPU followers enjoy it. In fact, it seems to me like beer is the unifier between the two groups. Who would have thought that!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
peoples front of judea....
[img_assist|nid=103941|title=.|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
NIL ILLEGITIMI CARBORUNDUM
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
How is my religious driving so far?
Do you think I am getting the hang of it?
:P
Fatcat - nothing is mentioned about beer - have a guilt free evening.
Peace
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
I'm off to investigate the beers (or bears?!) proposed by the opposition. I'm not converting, I'm just doing some investigation! I'm still pink inside.
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
So you can not answer my points!
You are struck dumb by the truth - as it should be!
All you Westerners, Easterners, Northeners and Southeners are just racist to us adherents of the Pinkness.
You dont believe in Her Pink Holiness therefore you are all racist!
You should leave our lands and leave our Pinkness alone.
We are right you are not.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
edifis, I saw the light when her holy pinkness did a miracle and took away 15kg from me, 5 more than what that evil spaghetti made me put on. Her HP forbid I put on 10kg!
I think the 21 grams is before you came along, drac. 8 grams seems to be realistic after you sucked all the blood.
21 grams.
It's the weight of five nickels, a chocolate bar, a hummingbird - and, according to the acclaimed movie of the same name, the amount of weight we lose at the precise moment we die, perhaps as the soul escapes the body.
Chalk the idea up to urban legend, because doctors say there's no modern physiological evidence of the phenomenon. But there is, it turns out, a historical basis for the claim - albeit one based on scientifically flawed experiments.
Tucked away in a 1907 journal called American Medicine is the story of Dr. Duncan MacDougall of Haverhill, Mass., who postulated that the soul had substance and, therefore, a measurable mass
--------------------------------------------------------
But these are "magic" numbers, adey. As for the mods, they never stop somebody for posting "nonsense".
Dont baffle me with numbers man, I have faith on my side.
Can't you read! I said TWELVETY not twelve or twenty!!!!!
You are all going to the Purple Oyster in a hand basket!
And as for the mods on this forum?! You would think they could stop you from posting such nonsense!!!!
You Pirate!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
You should do your conversions properly, adey. The soul is going in all four directions, so you have to multiply it by 4. If "your" measure is 1/12 and mine is 1/8 then we can calculate with 24 as common denominator and multiply the .8 Newton with 4 to get 5/6 which approximately is .8
What do you say to a black hole to make it feel self-conscious?
“Oh, I think I saw a little flash of light there.”
I see you believe the filthiest lie every told and faked by all those 'scientists' with their 'measuring' and 'weighing' machines, that a soul is 0.8 Newtons!!!
Of course we all know that our inner unicorn weighs twelvety Hooves (we do not recognise that strumpet Newton and his scientific ways)
Do you know, in Oxford, if you deny Newton they can put you in jail and poke things up ya bum! Where is your free speech now?
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Pink holes just don't qualify as hell, drac. They're leaking. And if you want I can call 'black holes' holes which absorb all radiation and won't let go again because the escape velocity is higher than the Speed of Light. I strongly refuse being called a "racist" just because I have no color TV!
But when the dwarfs are nibbling your kneecaps we will be basking in her Her Horniness's Pink Aura!
The choice is yours! You mock at your kneecaps eternal peril. It can do you no harm to believe.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
why BLACK?
why not...PINK?
..:)
Absolutely interesting theory, Dracula. But, have you ever considered that hell might be a black hole. Then the masses of souls (each weighs about 0.8 Newton) will be added to the existing mass and contract the black hole further and further. At the brink of contraction the black hole will release the mass through a white hole into another universe and the "bad" sinners of our universe will come out as the "good" angels on the other side.
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by wife during my honney-moon that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you' .
Then we take into account the fact that I slept with her, therefore number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct.
.
Logically, this leaves only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,in the honey moon,wife kept shouting, 'Oh my God!'
Wrong thread, Drac :-P
but i will give ya credit.I thought the QL mad mullahs would have been here claiming yer insulting them, or some other bollox like that....
[img_assist|nid=103941|title=.|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
NIL ILLEGITIMI CARBORUNDUM
So we must stop fighting until all infidels are converted
and atleast start believing in the mighty pinkness.
So the most important issues are:
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings."
A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, 'What is this, a joke?'
I have my ham ways, you have your mushroom ways, but we have the pineapple to bind us; we must truly thank her Hooved Highness(mhhnbs) for sacrificing our socks equally.
Feel blessed in the knowledge that eye patches, parrots and tri-quarter hats can never divert us from our horniness.
Peace
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
ManishaTrouser You are not supposed to laugh at such a serious discussion. Our faith is in Question.
"is this real stuff?"
You better believe it baby!
Unless you are a Pirate - Yaaaaarrrrr!!!!!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
oh God , i have not laughed this much from ages.......
It has only come to pass lately by revisionist/corrupted followers of IPU(mhhnbs) that She(bbhhh) is a vegetarian - whoever heard of just a Pineapple Pizza? NO! Pineapple can only go with Ham as She(bbhhh) intended.
They substitute mushrooms for ham but Nah, that's just something the hippies believe so they can have pineapple and mushroom pizza instead.
And what does the Purple Oyster of Doom grace his Pepperoni pizzas with? - Yes! MUSHROOMS!!
The truth is spelled out by scholars such as I - a 'fat one' has been announced - She(mhhnbs) is not a vegetarian.
Return to the fold edifis, and let's not hear anymore about the diamonds!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Here is the song of songs for you to RIP.
Learn it by Rote
And sing it to the divine pinkness, and she may still forgive u.
Shir hashirim besha'ashu'im
Im yishakeni min'shikot
pihu, mah yagid li?
al ken mikol ha'alamot
shar shirim hu li.
Im chavatzelet hasharon
la'amakim koret li
im yismachuni ba'ashishot
el shadai, shmor li.
Shir hashirim besha'ashu'im
shineicha eder ktzuvot
bli chor ustimah ban.
Al mishkavi sham baleilot
ka'avti et kulan
tz'rur hamor hafach li mar
kshedodi amar bashir
sus par'oh shekvar avar
et panav mazkir
shir hashirim besha'ashu'im.
Kol dodi hineh zeh ba
medaleg s'vevah
kol dodi hineh zeh ba
ba be'ahavah.
Az bo n'linah bechramim
bli chov umishkanta
bo nohav k'zug yonim
kach bli de'agah,
shir hashirim besha'ashu'im.
it's started, you asked for it - my daddy's bigger than your daddy!
Where is your embassy here again? I'm going to write a letter mildly rebuking your lack of respect and post it to them!
Silly Germans! May your filthy Ocktober Fest move to.......er....November (What!? it does?) Ok then July so the beer gets warm! That'll teach ya to mess with Her Pinkness(bbhhh)!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Absent a couple of days, and look what I've missed!
And the naysayers claim QL has gone to the dogs. Piffle! It's gone to the Unicorns...it's soaring to new heights...
QL IS THE SOLUTION FOR ALL PROBLEMS
Soon false prophets of doom will knoweth the result of spreading lies. Oh mighty,BBHHH smite them with your curse,
and save prophet Adey from the fangs of Satan.
I can't understand a thing what was going on is this real stuff
Don't mock! Show some respect.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Eh!! Tricky Question.. You want to test my faith ha?
surely her majesty the divine pinkness is a vegetarian.
She only liked the smell of Double bacon cheeseburger with french fries.
Being divine she can perceive the olfactory senses of Humans, and can see things from others perspective. Such is the greatness of our Divine Pinkness.
If you did not know, know it now and never doubt this fact that Her highness never eats anything unless it has the Green stamp in it.
Oh good that i can be an aethist, not good at math or reading.
I dream of a better tomorrow where Chickens can cross the Road without having their motives questioned - Unknown
It's no good we will have to put you to the test, we'll have no schisms here.
The Pink book named “Cooking a Ham and Pineapple Pizza: The IPU's Secret Recipe (as well as life instructions for the entire human race)”
is a central tennent of the faith, but is Her Pinkness(BBHHH) a vegetarian or No?
think carefully?
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
No, No I am an humble servant of Her Pinkness.
"BBHHH"
Repeat
"BBHHH"
I intend to keep the diamonds "BHEOH"
keep ya filthy hands off my, ....I mean Her Hooved Holiness's, diamonds!
I suspect you are a Pirate to! Do you have a wooden leg you are not telling us about?
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Pardon them Great IPU for they do not know what they say.
The Fatcat gained 10 kilos when he believed
and he did not become a flying cat even after gulping down those devillish flying sphagetti
Is'nt this proof enough for her omnipotence.
Prophet Adey, You do not worry about these little earthly Diamonds, You can give them to me to hide them forever.
you will never get to see the beer,... I mean bear, volcanos with that sort of attitude.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
The diamonds are off the table for one as fickle as you Adey...enjoy the pinkness...
-------------------------------------
bring your diamonds to the next meeting, maybe we can do a deal? after all what are diamonds worth next to bathing in the pinkness(! naughty, naughty!). I will look after the despised diamonds for you.
Testimony to the benefits and drawbacks of accepting Her pinkness:
“I was driving from Sacramento to home with just a half tank of gas in my car. That is not nearly enough and since I didn't have any money or credit to buy gas, I decided to pray to the IPU for help. The IPU answered my prayers and I made it home with just enough gas to reach my driveway. The IPU worked in a mysterious way by allowing a big storm to blow a strong southerly wind up the central valley and bring large amounts of rain. This gave me a tail wind which improved my gas mileage enough to reach home. It appears that the storm that gave me such good gas mileage is going to cause wide spread flooding up and down the valley but I suspect that the people who will get flooded out are unbelievers living contrary to the laws of the IPU.”
Steven L. Preszler
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Down with the Heretics.
http://www.invisiblepinkunicorn.com/ipu/home.html
Uh, am devastated...*slinks away crying into the distance, throwing away diamonds as she walks*.
-------------------------------------
our very own Pinkness is 'sparkly' enough without your 'diamondism'!
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
You're all fickle heretics...so easily have you forgotten my yesteryear Diamondism thread? Bah to the lot of you...I'll have to conjure up another cult following...
-------------------------------------
If somebody does not convert to IPU he is allowed to practice his own religion, but he has no right to slander the IPU.
Fat cat The heretics should be excommunicated from the Temple of IPU and then burnt at the stake.
Blasphemer!!!!!!
You say:
"I've seen many invisible pink unicorns"
And I quote the sacred texts:
"Some claim that the IPU is only truly invisible to non-believers, while others claim that this is simply wishful thinking mixed with hallucinations. Some say that the IPU looks invisible, but feels pink, while others say that she is pink but impossible to look at."
Ha! Caught you out!
No one knows!!!
Are you a Pirate?
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
brit, was bast fat?
Definitely IPU...I've seen many invisible pink unicorns. They are soooo pretty ;)
-------------------------------------
A message from the Purple Oyster of Doom, pro-porting to be a concerned member of the public, to get the insidious false god FSM established and sow seeds of doubt in the hearts of the faithful followers of Her Pinkness, - ('Blessed Be Her Holy Hooves')
"I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures."
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
I hearby make you the Goddess of the Invisble Pink Unicorn sect..
Actually, I would suggest changing your name from Fatcat to perhaps "Bast" - She was the Goddess of Sensual Pleasure in Ancient Egypt, but she took the form of a cat..
Gosh, these damned FSM! You just can't trust them!
I say we call for war.
for giving me the courage to post about Deviant and Anti-IPU Websites.
The FSM now has an official church ( see here: http://www.venganza.org/ ), members of which are also known as Pastafarians. Their only function is to seduce the IPU faithful with heretical views on heaven. DO NOT VIEW THIS WEBSITE!(as told to me by She whose hooves may never be shod)
FSM Heaven - Pastafarian beliefs state that heaven is filled with 'beer volcanoes' as far as the eye can see, and also has a 'stripper factory'*
*It is not particularly clear whether these factories produce female strippers, male strippers or paint strippers. The reference to "beer" is a mistranslation of the Pirate word "BEAR".(a bit like the 'raisin/virgin/wife' controversy in some other desert religions)
See Pirates:
Pirates - Pastafarians have a strong link with traditional pirates due to the fact that pirates share more than 99.9% of their DNA with humans, leading to the assumption that humans evolved from pirates. They also point to a correlation between the world's dwindling pirate population and the increase in global warming, thus they promote and practice the dangerous ideology of 'Piratism'!
Peace to all non Pirates
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Yeaps ;)
Only God Can Judge Me
الله فقط يمكنه محاكمتي
I am you and you are me, if you love i love, if you suffer i suffer
أنا أنت, و أنت أنا, إذا أحببت نفسك أحببت نفسي, إذا عانيتَ عانيتُ
She definetely won the battle.
MD: The pink unicorn came on dreams and told me that i shouldn't show the movie of his fight with the T-Rex because it's written that he's invisible and showing His image is sinfull.
Only God Can Judge Me
الله فقط يمكنه محاكمتي
I am you and you are me, if you love i love, if you suffer i suffer
أنا أنت, و أنت أنا, إذا أحببت نفسك أحببت نفسي, إذا عانيتَ عانيتُ
Is that why it took you so long to post? :)
Double Trouble bug bites yet again :)
"And the Unicorn stamped its hooves and there was thunder. The ground shook and the QL'ers were warned not to disbelieve."
"And the Flying Spaghetti Monster did splat itself against the earth.. The Bolgnaise flew unto the QL'ers and they were moved.."
I think the Unicorn gets it by a mile..
I'm going to have my "Victory Spaghetti Bolognese" lunch now. Yippeh.
Ok, MD, you win. I'm not going to miss you :P
I just checked and my newly found faith does not permit me to be sentimental. And who am I to question the supreme invisible pink unicorn!
Unless you videotaped it, platao, I don't believe it.
Are you getting sentimental, cat? Are you sure your religion allows that? Think again.
Well, i saw the pink unicorn defeating a huge T-Rex ;)
Only God Can Judge Me
الله فقط يمكنه محاكمتي
I am you and you are me, if you love i love, if you suffer i suffer
أنا أنت, و أنت أنا, إذا أحببت نفسك أحببت نفسي, إذا عانيتَ عانيتُ
I'm going to miss you, MD :)
You are unfair to yourself, cat. You mix religious aspects (like gaining weight) with physics. You are using the unit for mass (kg) to describe a religious phenomenon. Why do you people always try to mix science and religion?
...is it similar to pi$$ing in the wind? :)
britexpat said;
"During the full moon, we undress and dance naked round a tall shrub whilst throwing seeds to the wind."
Huh, the war's begun, I told ya!
You man of no faith!
I would guess that this is a bio medical issue, not really a miracle.
Well, in my revelation I instantly put on 10kg after eating the spaghetti. After pledging alliance to the Pink Unicorn, I immediately lost 15kg! If that's not a miracle I don't know what is.
Platao, slogans and advertisement are not enough to convince me. Show me some miracles!
Go pink unicorn go! :D
Only God Can Judge Me
الله فقط يمكنه محاكمتي
I am you and you are me, if you love i love, if you suffer i suffer
أنا أنت, و أنت أنا, إذا أحببت نفسك أحببت نفسي, إذا عانيتَ عانيتُ
It's adey who will clearly start the war. He already pointed out that the number of holidays is different between the two religions. All he does with this is stir up hate. He also came up with some "conspiracy" theories on numbers. Those who don't know arithmetic will surely be left out. What more do you need to start a revolt?
:O
MD, they are so different. One is edible, the other is not (well, it could be if you could kill it, but it's invisible so you can't get to it).
If one believes in the "Unicorn" and the other one believes in the "Monster", then it's basically the same. A unicorn is a monster, so two names for the same entity.
You think so, MD? I think we've been pretty civil despite different beliefs. Clearly some people prefer FSM whilst others have chosen the IPU. Dracula even chose to combine them two, which is not too bad a choice. Nobody is really attaching other religions here and I hope nobody will. Each to their own, right?
;)
I am just sitting here waiting for this to turn out to become another "religious" war. Why is it always like this?
someonenew, I'm not sure what you get when you mess with the brit. I never met him, so I don't know what to expect.
Of course you can be an atheist. My newly found faith is not based on trying to convert other people.
Ok, good news. I had a dream - otherwise known as revelation. The pink unicorn came to me with a huge bowl of spaghetti. And I ate it. And put on 10kg instantly. So that's it for me, no more flying spaghetti. I'm with the pink unicorn.
Marhabtain, I take deep offense to you insulting my religion doubts. How dare you say I have a sense of humour? This is a serious matter and not a joke, you drunk thing.
Truth will OUT as they say ! Lol Yippee, Yippeee, its Bombay gin for me!
Marhab I pray that you never meet Darude in Person or even Fatcat.
I dream of a better tomorrow where Chickens can cross the Road without having their motives questioned - Unknown
Religion depends on faith. Since the Unicorn is invisible, you need faith to believe in it, hence it must be the Invisible Pink unicorn.
Two other key aspects. A Unicorn never blows its own horn and more imprtantly - A wise person does not play leap frog with a unicorn
He should contact Darude - king of the muppets or Tigs ( Kermit ) or Fatcat ( miss piggy! ) Zippydoo!!!!! Yippee, Yippeee, its Bombay gin for me!
What have I started?
I guess it's true - one cut'n'pastes a few things from the internet (saves time not actually thinking about things) telling people the rules of a religion and all the sheeple flock around!
:D
Peace
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Theres a guy on this looking for a job in animation - I suggested that he tries QL - its run by Muppets right? Hic! Yippee, Yippeee, its Bombay gin for me!
Just think what some gin will do to add to it Babe! Yippee, Yippeee, its Bombay gin for me!
This is wonderful. My grandchildren will have 3 extra holidays. One is Prophet Adey Birthday, The Day of his enlightenment 09/10 and the day he will renounce his body.
MD n Fatcat
You mess with brit, you get the fist?
You mess with brit, you get a fit?
I dream of a better tomorrow where Chickens can cross the Road without having their motives questioned - Unknown
If those are the only two or 3 religions can i be an aethist?
I dream of a better tomorrow where Chickens can cross the Road without having their motives questioned - Unknown
Marhabatian... leave gin!
Lets try whatever this people is drinking or smoking!!!!
War looking for peace,
is like fornication looking for virginity.
Summary of the Major Articles of Faith:
Our Lady Unicorn is Pink and Invisible.
She prefers Pineapple and Ham Pizza to Pepperoni and Mushroom. The latter said to be eaten only by followers of the despicable Purple Oyster (of Doom).
The Followers of the IPU have more Holy Days than those of all other faiths put together, as any Holy Day of any faith is automatically an IPU Holy Day. Holy Days are used by the Faithul to sow seeds of doubt and uncertainty in the minds of addicts of other religions. The Holiest Day of the Year is April Ist. It is the day on which the She suggests we find a religious nut and say "There is as much evidence for the existence of your god/gods as there is for the Invisible Pink Unicorn, why don't you check out her website, may be you'll learn something?."
A significant number to followers of the IPU is 42. It is the answer the question, "What is the meaning of life the universe and everything". Importantly, if you add the digits of the year in which she was revealed togther, (1+9+9+4) you get 23. If you add 4 (for Her hooves), add 2 (Her ears) add 2 (Her eyes) add 1 (Her Horn), add 1 (Her tail) then add 9 the result is also 42. This proves the significance of Two Score and Two.
Certain chosen followers of the IPU are blessed with visitations, shown with signs in their laundry. See the Revelation of The Lost Prophetess of AOL for more details.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
I am an infidel.Me want to covert to IPU. Prophet Adey I read your holy text, I want to know the truth. cans't thou show me the way and guide me so I will attain salvation.
...but everyone of us need to separate unicorns and spaghettis under different 'books'...
So much for the Old Testament...
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
Black hoodies, inflamable silk, fallen oak ...
OR
Versage, Van Heusen, Christian Dior....as religion..You might earn something while you are at it.
In the beginning Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn's bountiful gifts, Fatan created Haagen Das Ice Cream and Magnums. And Fatan said: 'You want hot fudge with that?' And Man said: 'Yes!' And Woman said: 'I'll have one too ...with sprinkles.' And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Fatan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.
So Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn said: 'Try my fresh green garden salad.' And Fatan presented crumbled Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn then said: 'I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.' And Fatan brought forth deep-fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Fatan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Fatan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Fatan created McDonald's and the .99 pence double cheeseburger. Then Fatan said, 'You want fries with that?' And Man replied: 'Yes! And super size ' em!' And Fatan said: 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then...Fatan chuckled
and created the National Health Service...............
Hope the horse or the pasta'll appear in your premonitions.
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
heero, I'm still investigating them as I need to make and informed decision. I am hoping to have a revelation tonight in the form of a dream. If it happens, I'll report back tomorrow.
Fattiecattie! It was nice to bump into you today. You are one of the very few to see me wearing my bloody red lipstick! Hehe
heero, I'm still investigating them as I need to make and informed choice. I am hoping to have a revelation tonight in the form of a dream. If it happens, I'll report back tomorrow.
I also chose to "shut down". See you guys.
She chose computer religion.
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
Let me make you a compliment, fatcat: you are one of the chosen ones. But you have to be concerned about the "one-sock" problem.
Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to morpheu's arms now. Hopefully I'll have a revelation which will make my choice easier.
But I like thinking I'm the "chosen" one... Like Neo :D
hit the nail on the head and wins the star prize, with, "they talk too much nonsense"
If you cant beat them....and all that! (damn why can't we actually Beat them?!) :D
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
Ha, Dracula heard "pink". Bloody pink. And he woke up. How predictable this guy is lately.
The point here is that one sock (at least one) goes missing. As long as you have two matching you are not the "chosen" one. Think about it.
Flying Spaghetti Pink Unicorn
The true one!
Open your eyes and see the light!
Dont believe in fatcat!..:)
But heroo, if you think about it the IPU does make sense.
I'm torn here, I love spaghetti but pink is my favorite colour. And my socks always have small holes in them...
hit? kit? pit? bit? spit? s?hit? tit?
c'mon brit, help me here.
...and they talk too much nonsense.
Go with the FSM, Fatcat. All it needs is faith to eat the spaghetti.
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
The Shrine of the IPU is the Laundry Room.
It is proved because, if you notice in your socks - you often find holes in them when you pull them out of the dryer - pierced by her horn during a visitation to your shrine - doubt it not!
Sometimes the whole wash comes out pink - a proof of Her Pinkness if there ever was one. It is said that She cavorts with one of her chosen Stallions in the midst of the spinning laundry. It is the afterglow of their lovemaking that imbues clothes with Her pinkness.
Also ye may know that ye have been especially blessed if you find that one of your socks has gone missing. Surely a sign from Her Horniness. If anyone questions why ye are missing a sock, simply reply "My Mistress had need of it." No one is certain what She does with the socks, but rejoice for ye were chosen to make this sacrifice.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
adey is your first follower, cat.
I can't help you on this, cat. I don't know myself. It has to be short .. it, and maybe a consonant or two in front of it.?.
Or lipstick?
MD: downtick?
Chapter 1
1. Verily am I blessed among women, for I have had revealed unto me the Truthful Doctrine of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (Peace Be Unto Her).
2. And this was the manner of it. For I was wandering and confused upon the beaches of A/sa/teague, when I was approached by a small and shaggy pony, which did attempt to eat the apple which I was holding. "Away," I cried. "Foul beast, would you steal the apple which is mine?"
3. Then did the pony look down upon me, and spake: "Child, do you not know me?"
4. And I said, "Verily, it is not my habit to consort with local wildlife."
5. And the pony spake thus: "Quit it with the 'verily' bit, OK? Know, then, you ignorant heathen, that you are in the Presence of the One you have sought, but never found."
6. And lo! the shaggy pony disappeared, and I felt myself to be in the Presence. And indeed was the Presence pink, and shaped like unto a unicorn. Yet such was the overwhelming nature of the Presence that I could not, in truth, look upon it.
7. For indeed, my friends, it is for this reason that the great Pink Unicorn is called Invisible, and that is, that the Presence is too great for our small eyes to truly see, and too awesome for our small minds to comprehend. It is by our faith alone that we know her to be Pink, and a Unicorn.
8. And truly those who say otherwise are heretics and unbelievers, and shall be cast into the Great Manure Pile where her Sacred Dwarves shall indeed nibble on their kneecaps for all eternity. And serve them right.
9. Yet when I felt myself to be in the Presence I was afraid. And I cast myself face down in the sand and begged, "O Galloping Goddess, forgive me that I did not know you, and do not send me forth to eat lunch with your ancient foe, the Purple Oyster of Doom. For he will force me to eat pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, and I shall be most afflicted."
10. And Her Pinkness proclaimed, "Do not be afraid, my servant, for you have been misled by the false prophets who quote Chapters and Verses of books which do not exist. And yet I have also revealed to them the Eternal Truth, and indeed have they mangled it."
11. "And furthermore shall you know that it is fitting that I be celebrated by prophets who do not exist, in verses that do not exist, for books that do not exist. For my own existence is of a dubious and contradictory nature, and I like it that way."
12. Then was I much confused, whereat I asked, "Then how, O You Whose Hooves Are Never Shod, shall I know how to behave myself, if even Your holy books are not to be believed?"
13. And thus spoke She Who Is Pink, and said, "That is what I shall tell you, for I shall reveal to you the Truth, if you will just shut up and listen. And verily, get your face outta the sand."
Chapter 2
1. And the Invisible Pink Unicorn spoke unto me, and said, "Write this stuff down."
2. Therefore did I search my pockets, and came up with a bunch of 3x5 index cards, and also a ballpoint pen.
3. Then did Her Equine Self touch the pen with Her marvellous horn, and lo! it turned pink! And I was much amazed, and began jotting down this account.
4. And I said unto the Principle of Unicornity, "If we're going to be really appropriate, shouldn't this be in invisible ink?"
5. Surely then was the Great One annoyed, and She spake, and said, "Do not be a wise-ass, my child, unless you want a hoof-print in your forehead. But, if you must know, when you post this to the Internet, which is the centre of My worship, then indeed shall the pinkness of the writing be invisible."
6. Thus was I first afflicted by the terrible jokes of Her Invisible Pink Glory.
7. And the Unicorn spoke again, saying, "Write this. First, know that there is not merely one doom reserved for unbelievers, but a Very Big Number. Therefore am I shown to be greater than any other deity.
8. For who else can boast the Hell #655, wherein transgressors are punished by having to listen to the endless drivel of uncountable net.kooks?"
9. "Who else can boast Hell #333, where fundamentalists are continually sawn in half by stage magicians?"
10. "Oh, and note down that there is no Hell #666.
11. For that would be too easy."
12. So did I write all that down, and the Invisible Unicorn said, "Come again next week."
13. And the Holy Writings on the Sacred 3x5 Index Cards in the Blessed (Invisible) Pink Ink were put in the Very Devout Plastic File Box, where I left them, buried in the sands of A/sa/teague.
The Gospel According to St. Sascha Kokott
1. "If thou were to behold me thou wouldst surely die," sayest the invisible Pink Unicorn, "for thou canst not see both my pinkness for it is invisible."
2. Then came one Bob of the Burger King, devout and of repute before the law the son of Ed, the TV repairman, son of Anderson the town drunk, son of Michael the shoeman.
3. On this day Bob tempted her Excellency by attempting to view Her Pinkness' pinkness.
4. Her Excellence was moved with anger: "How darest thou oh Man to view my pinkness I shall smite thee with bad spam."
5. Then the Lord Goddess smit the Burger King with bad spam, and all of the inhabitants thereof had a Maalox night.
6. But the people made prayer and supplications thereof, and the Goddess was pleased with the sweet odour of the bacon double cheeseburger with fries, she therefore made a proclamation:
7. "I shall set my bow(tie) in the heavens that never shall I again smite Burger King employees with bad spam. For the inhabitants thereof may taste of my mercy and see that my invisible pinkness is all.
8. I am the Invisible Pink Unicorn and there is not any other… I know not any."
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
You mess with brit, you get the .... (Make your own rhyme)
MD, I could never be a prophet. I'm too normal for that. For starters, I simply couldn't impose my religion on anyone. Unlike this britexpat, who's trying to convert me from my peaceful pink spaghetti to this evil Knights that say Nicht. Satan!
I'd go for spagetti too, only if im allowed to eat the spaghetti monster, nothing like good pasta..
We are from the order of the "Knights that say Nicht".. We convert people to care for the planet and plant shrubberies in public places..
During the full moon, we undress and dance naked round a tall shrub whilst throwing seeds to the wind.
Will you not join us ?
I liked spaghetti better than unicorns...
Well I haven't eaten a unicorn yet sooo...what I see I will believe!
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
Are you a new prophet, fatcat??
So I guess the religion would be the Church of IPU or the Church of FSM.
Ooops, so sorry brit. I actually didn't know what a deity was... hehehe
brit, can you please respect my future religion?!
Gosh, you people are so self centred in your own religion. Next thing you're going to try to convert me!
They are both deities and not religions..
Keep it quiet!
IPU every time
She is invisible and, at one and the same time, pink.
"Blessed Be Her Holy Hooves"
be ye saved from the purple Oyster and safe from pepperoni
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."