Tuesday jokes
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production.
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
good one!!!with lots of sence
this is sooo funny n sooo right
haha.. lol brit
We were getting ready for bed and her indoors was standing in front of the full length mirror taking a good hard look at herself.
"You know, fishface," she said to me, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My eyes are getting wrinkled, my hair is greying, the puppies are beginning to show their age, the cellulite is getting visible and the tummy is getting flabby".
I continued reading The Beano Annual , wehn she turned and said , "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
I thought for a moment and softly said "Well my love, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
What did I do wrong ??
good one
avatar, it's not so bad....