Sorry Mothers

*My mother taught me** **TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE*. "If you're
going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

*My mother taught me** **RELIGION. *"You better pray that will come out
of the carpet".

*My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. *"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

*My mother taught me LOGIC*. " Because I said so, that's why."

*My mother taught me MORE LOGIC*. "If you fall out of that swing  and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."*** *

*My mother taught me FORESIGHT*. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

*My mother taught me IRONY*. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

*My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS*. "Shut your mouth
and eat your supper."

*My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM*. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

*My mother taught me about STAMINA*. "You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

*My mother taught me about WEATHER*. "This room of yours looks as if a
tornado went through it".

*My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY*. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

*My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE*. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

*My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION*. "Stop acting like
your father!"

*My mother taught me about ENVY*. "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

*My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION*. "Just wait until we get
home."

*My mother taught me about RECEIVING*. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"*
*
*My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE*. "If you don't stop crossing your
eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

*My mother taught me ESP*. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"

*My mother taught me HUMOR*. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

*My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT*. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

*My mother taught me GENETICS*. "You're just like your father."

*My mother taught me about my ROOTS*. "Shut that door behind you.  Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

*My mother taught me WISDOM*. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

And my favorite:

*My mother taught me about JUSTICE*. "One day you'll have kids, and I
hope
they turn out just like you"