Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought “grammar” was his father’s mother.
On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun. “The phone connection’s bad,” said the secretary. “I couldn’t catch that last word. Spell it.” The governor replied, ” G like in Jesus; U like in onion; N like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!”
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.'
'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.
'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'
'Very good,' said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.'
'That was a fine story Sarah.'
Michael, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'
'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'
'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'
There was this Texas cowboy and he had been riding his horse across the great plains on his way to California nonstop. Both him and his horse had gone days without sleep. As he rode in to one of the few towns on his trip he decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of whiskey to satisfy his thirst. As he got off his horse he realized that since his horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stopped and it might take a few hours to wake his horse up.
He grabbed this young indian who just happened to be walking by and told him of his predicament, he then asked the indian if he could run back and forth in front of his horse to keep it awake while he was tending his thirst in the bar. The indian agreed.
After a few drinks the cowboy forgot about the trip as he made friends and drank down round after round in the bar. As the hours past a cowboy entered the front door of the saloon and asked who owned the brown and white horse out front.
The cowboy who owned the horse said "I do so what about it?"
Well replied the cowboy you left your injun' runnin'.....
Sandeep is walking past a bar and sees a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house.
So Sandeep walks in and asks if he can give it a try. The bartender says sure.
He walks up and whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically. Sandeep walks in and the bartender gives him the drinks. The next night the same thing happens.
The third night the sign is changed to making the horse cry. Sandeep goes out side and a few minutes later he comes back in and the horse is crying.
The bartender says 'o.k. you can have your drinks but first tell me what you did to make my horse laugh.'
Sandeep said, 'I told him my privates are bigger than his.'
A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on the beach'. She notices a slick dude at the end of the bar with a very prominent feature.
"Hi big guy," she says, batting her eyelashes.
"Oh hello, beautiful," he says stepping closer to her.
"I couldn't help but notice what big feet you have," as a look of wonderment spreads across her face.
"You know what that means..." he coos.
"Yes, trouble for the ants," she says.
“terrorists rely on an endless supply of people living in extreme poverty, with no other options in life. The only chance we have to see the end of terrorism, is to end extreme poverty.”
Graduated from Xavier Institute for Higher learning
my definition is, my definition will be, my definition is......my definition is, my definition will be, my definition is......my definition is, my definition will be, my definition is......
“terrorists rely on an endless supply of people living in extreme poverty, with no other options in life. The only chance we have to see the end of terrorism, is to end extreme poverty.”
Graduated from Xavier Institute for Higher learning
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kind of ok joke mr.britexpat
Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought “grammar” was his father’s mother.
On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun. “The phone connection’s bad,” said the secretary. “I couldn’t catch that last word. Spell it.” The governor replied, ” G like in Jesus; U like in onion; N like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!”
what aunty Sharon did... I can do that stone-cold sober;-P
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Stay away from Aunty Xena too when she is drinking ;)
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.'
'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.
'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'
'Very good,' said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.'
'That was a fine story Sarah.'
Michael, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'
'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'
'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'
Message from the QL Animal Section Editor:
Your post has been deemed ignorant.
You have been tracked.
Ready... Aim....
Congratulations... you have been Eliminated!
visit www.qaws.org
...............................
.....................
yay y did u stop jokes
TTTexas, it could be funny with a different kind of Indian :P
There was this Texas cowboy and he had been riding his horse across the great plains on his way to California nonstop. Both him and his horse had gone days without sleep. As he rode in to one of the few towns on his trip he decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of whiskey to satisfy his thirst. As he got off his horse he realized that since his horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stopped and it might take a few hours to wake his horse up.
He grabbed this young indian who just happened to be walking by and told him of his predicament, he then asked the indian if he could run back and forth in front of his horse to keep it awake while he was tending his thirst in the bar. The indian agreed.
After a few drinks the cowboy forgot about the trip as he made friends and drank down round after round in the bar. As the hours past a cowboy entered the front door of the saloon and asked who owned the brown and white horse out front.
The cowboy who owned the horse said "I do so what about it?"
Well replied the cowboy you left your injun' runnin'.....
Sandeep is walking past a bar and sees a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house.
So Sandeep walks in and asks if he can give it a try. The bartender says sure.
He walks up and whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically. Sandeep walks in and the bartender gives him the drinks. The next night the same thing happens.
The third night the sign is changed to making the horse cry. Sandeep goes out side and a few minutes later he comes back in and the horse is crying.
The bartender says 'o.k. you can have your drinks but first tell me what you did to make my horse laugh.'
Sandeep said, 'I told him my privates are bigger than his.'
'O.K. but how did you make him cry?'
Sandeep replied, 'I proved it to him.'
Good for you..
kadi, I fallen in love with this blond kid kadi.
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
welll the rhyming words wer good
There was this guy from Madras
Who laid his girl in the grass
but the tropical sun
spoiled half his fum
by buring the hair of his ass.
I hate sex in movies, The biggest problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn always spills.
I became a member of The Secret Seven. It's so secret, I don't even know who the other six are... :O(
A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on the beach'. She notices a slick dude at the end of the bar with a very prominent feature.
"Hi big guy," she says, batting her eyelashes.
"Oh hello, beautiful," he says stepping closer to her.
"I couldn't help but notice what big feet you have," as a look of wonderment spreads across her face.
"You know what that means..." he coos.
"Yes, trouble for the ants," she says.
“terrorists rely on an endless supply of people living in extreme poverty, with no other options in life. The only chance we have to see the end of terrorism, is to end extreme poverty.”
Graduated from Xavier Institute for Higher learning
my definition is, my definition will be, my definition is......my definition is, my definition will be, my definition is......my definition is, my definition will be, my definition is......
“terrorists rely on an endless supply of people living in extreme poverty, with no other options in life. The only chance we have to see the end of terrorism, is to end extreme poverty.”
Graduated from Xavier Institute for Higher learning
There was this girl from reeno
who lost all her dough playing keeno
so she laid on her back
and opened her crack
now she owns the casino
Why is your life so sad Hannah Montana that you have to post nasty comments to get noticed?
Some childhood trauma?
What is the relationship between you and this blond child kadi?
But shaz what's the relation of 10:30 with jokes :-/
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?
I don't have time to crack jokes, I work 24/7..
24 hours a week, 7 months an year..
You know that look women get when they want sex?
Me neither.
That was a good one.
now there's half an hour more for 10:30.start cracking jokes.
...that brought a smile to my tired face :)
...listen to the sound of silence....
Cheer up.. I just got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
Happy to know that you ppl are not interested in sharing jokes
I'm too blooming miserable to crack any jokes.